Snark, pants and cookies

Long time, no see!

On January 23, 2012, in Blah blah blah, by Lisa

Dear three (probably down to two now) followers of the snark,

I haz been away! Not really. Just away from here. And now I return with stories to tell and things to bitch about. Otherwise, you wouldn’t know who I am, amirite?

Currently happy about:

* I have just two months left of “duty” with brokerboy and mini-me. I almost feel like starting one of those countdowns like you see on prison walls. I’ve totally done my time and want out.

* Busted right on through my goal this month with Practically Intuitive! Woot! Things have hardcore picked up and I am booked most nights this month (when I’m not doing something else like Pilates or getting my hair did.)

* So happy to be doing those sessions in my little office space! It’s not done by a long shot (decorating and all) but it’s a nice, peaceful space for me to do my work. The petz wait for me outside the door which always makes me laugh.

Currently NOT happy about:

* stalled with Paleo and looking to get back on the horse soon. Duty’s blood work was most positively affected by the shift in eating so he’s sold. But we went hella awry this weekend. Horse, get back here! Come on!

* Because I am doing so many sessions, I’m running out of time to goof off and all. (good but not) Over the weekend I had 6 one-hour sessions and didn’t realize I had run out of time for other things until 10pm Sunday night. Better time management – learn it, Lisa.

* Odd exhaustion that keeps me feeling like I’m walking in a fog. When things happen (emo things), it just wears my ass out.

Next time, I’ll share the saga of “Don’t push me ‘cuz I’m close to the edge. I’m about to lose my head …” (anyone remember Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five?) I’ll describe how our heroine (me) got her yip on at the office. Oooh yeah!

Sad and helpless

On January 5, 2012, in Lauren, Suckage, by Lisa

That describes yours truly upon reading my friend’s CaringBridge page.

Her recent CATscan came back to show that her recurrent breast cancer continues to spread like wildfire and is now in her liver.

The doctors give her maybe a year to live.

I’m sad for about a hundred reasons but I’ll only list three:

a) It didn’t have to go this way – her docs mis-diagnosed her from the get-go and had they caught it in time, she would have had a fighting chance.

b) She’s brutally honest in her posts about her condition and how she’s feeling (angry, hurt, etc) and I find I have nothing to say other than that I love her, am keeping her and her husband in my prayers and …. that’s it. What CAN you say? There are no words. Just none.

c) she’s my age and it again reminds me of my mortality

I can sit here on the couch and say that I have no fear of dying precisely because I am not in a place now where I am forced to confront that issue. Who knows what I’d feel if I were?

For right now, I feel transported back to October 2005 when I went to my cousin’s to celebrate my birthday with Lauren and the family. It was after Lauren’s cancer had come back and we all knew the diagnosis was grim. I sat on the couch, hugging her and crying all over her. Cousin O’Love came over, sat down and hugged us too and there we sat, all three of us hugging, knowing that our time together would be short.

I know, to the core of my being, that there is more to all of this than what we see. I’ve experienced it.

But that doesn’t mean that I don’t feel the deep, deep wells of sadness that news like this brings.

Each soul chooses its path. My friend’s soul has chosen hers. All I can do is be there and hug her. And remind her of the fun times we used to share when we worked together at a local department store – all the foibles we shared.

Sigh. There are no words.

Last (boring) post of the year

On December 31, 2011, in Blah blah blah, General Blatherings, by Lisa

Well, this little blog has been left by the wayside this year, hasn’t it? I just did a quick skim through the archives and it confirmed what I knew – damn, I suck at this nowadays.

Of course, I did have a stressful year in many ways so it’s possible that I don’t suck as much but just can’t dredge up creativity when I’m pulled in a hundred different ways. That remains to be seen, I suppose.

On the positive side I managed the following:

1) lost some poundage and actually heard my body for the first time! See what happens when you aren’t sedating yourself with carbs, Lisa?

2) got my office done and ready to be decorated

3) took on a HUGE challenge at work and am pleased at how I stepped up to it

4) still working the Pilates which really helped me get right smack dab into my body and happily so

5) Practically Intuitive has grown in leaps and bounds this year with more fun to come in 2012

6) Met and hugged (and apparently also felt up) sekrit boyfriend. Score! I can die happy now.

2011 has been a year of growth and challenge. I’m so excited to see what’s ahead. (Please tell me I won’t regret saying that, Universe!!)

Thanks and love to you all who are still reading along. Wishing you a wonderful and joy-filled year ahead!

Merry Christmas to all!

On December 23, 2011, in Blah blah blah, Happy Stuff, by Lisa

I took a peep back at what I was doing ’round about this time last year and I was hazing a sad about “those shoes” and how Duty will never get me. But you know what? *I* get me. (I should! After all, I AM me! heh) And I think that’s the important thing.

Also too: he gets me in ways I don’t even realize.

So, there ya go.

” … but if ya try sometimes, you get what ya need”

Bought myself those shoes, wore them once to work and did, in fact, put them in the closet. But now that I’ve lost a few pounds, I almost (ALMOST) feel worthy of them. This whole year has been all about getting back down into my body. And loving it. From Pilates to Paleo, I did good. I’ll do even better, better, better in 2012 because I see how getting down into the physical helps me when I’m working in the non-physical. Woo-Hoo!

Christmas spirit was slow in coming this year but the lack of a certain broker and his butt-boy helped bring about just the right mood. I will be counting down the days when I can give all that to someone else and resume my peaceful(ish) life there. New office, new space … just a different energy. And soon after, we hope, I’ll be leaving there for good.

Tomorrow will be fun-filled with family visits and food and kids. I’m totes down with that.

To all (three) of you still reading, I wish you a very merry Christmas!

I think this is (sadly) true

On December 16, 2011, in Blah blah blah, Suckage, by Lisa

see more Lolcats and funny pictures, and check out our Socially Awkward Penguin lolz!

One of my (always forthright and that’s why I love her even though she’s a republican) co-workers told me yesterday that I don’t smile anymore. I think she’s right. (Also too: I checked in with another co-worker (also republican, not-as-often forthright but she does tell me the troof if I ask) and she confirmed it.) I haz a sad.

Trying to do two jobs well when either one on their own would be enough is no fun. And so, fewer laughs, fewer smiles, more passive-aggressive tones on the phone to clients and a general outbreak of the unhappy’s.

That’s got to change.

I know that leaving is on the horizon for 2012 so I should take some solace in that. My home office is finished and now for the furnishing! I’m definitely excited about that! In fact, most of my joy these days comes from that work. Interesting but not surprising, eh?

I shall ponder (and put into action) ways I can change this. It was definitely a wake-up call (that I already knew and ignored).

Unsettled for now

On December 4, 2011, in Blah blah blah, General Blatherings, by Lisa

I am not the most creative one when it comes to post titles so I decided to just go with what I feel and that is …. unsettled for now.

I’m not even sure why.

** Work is okay (new guy/junior broker) has made my life immeasurably easier because he does the crap that I hate to do. Props to him. He’s nice but … stiff. Things are so busy there anymore that I feel like I’m running in five directions at once. I often tell Duty these days that I do not want to do this work much longer. It brings me a paycheck but not much joy and a lot of what I don’t like: people pulling me in all directions. Change will come, I’m sure, one way or ‘ta other.

** Stalled at 16 pounds down and working my way back to the food plan. Despite running a wee bit amok now and again, I’m hanging in there. Want to lose another 10 by January 1. Best get on the stick with all that.

** PI had a great November and overshot our target by $500! Excellent. I am setting some hardcore goals for the first quarter of 2012 and doing my manifesting work diligently so I can easily build up some cushion in the bank and be ready when the door opens again. I had the best client interaction last week and when I got off the phone, I just about flew around the room with happiness. *THIS* is the work I love.

** And best of all, speaking of Practically Intuitive, my office is just about done! Stupid paneling is GONE!! Flooring is down, walls are painted, lights are hung – it looks lovely and it’s not even furnished yet! I’m tickled to pieces that it finally came about. I can’t wait to start doing my sessions from the peacefulness of that room.

So, I don’t really have much reason to feel unsettled. And I know the mood will pass. But for now, the word is: unsettled.