100 Things

(Written in 2003)

1. My dad wanted to name me Rita and my mom wanted to name me Karen. Not sure how they got to Lisa
2. I have a double cousin named Mary. Her mom and my mom are sisters and her dad and my dad were brothers. She is pretty much like a sister to me.
3. I still entertain the fantasy that I will be a famous (and good!) writer someday
4. The first boy I ever remember liking was Billy Miller. His dad was in Vietnam and when they moved, his mom gave me a kiss from him. I was 6.
5. I once made 100 phone calls in a day to a guy’s house when I was in junior high school. Just to hear him answer the phone. The police came. The family didn’t press charges.
6. I plotted to kill his girlfriend while I waited for the bus. She’s still alive (I think)
7. I had to sit in the corner on a green stool in first grade for talking too much during class.
8. I love to read. I am totally lost without a book of some sort.
9. My favorite color is blue. Or green. Or blue-green. Like the ocean.
10. I love Sark
11. I prefer Diet Dr. Pepper but will take Diet Pepsi if I have to.
12. My godchild is smarter than me (at SOME things).
13. But I love her anyway.
14. I can do Eddie Izzard’s stand up routine “Dressed To Kill” almost in my sleep. “Cake or Death? You mean those are my two choices? Well, I’ll have cake then!”
15. I am addicted to Table Talk and the Tarts.
16. My favorite book of all time is “A Prayer for Owen Meany” by John Irving. The theme of the book is the theme of my life: Everything happens for a reason.
17. My best friend’s name is LisaToo (hah) and I have only met her once in 3 years but we talk almost every day.My other bestest friend in high school was named Lisa too.
18. My baby doll’s name was Angel.
19. Mary used to step on Angel’s head all the time because she was jealous (of a bald headed baby doll? Who can explain these things?)
20. When I was 4 I had a cake with the Beatles on it (yes, it was 1964)
21. I (not-so-secretly) lust after Tony Soprano
22. My first date with my husband was one of my best friend’s wedding. I caught the bouquet, he ran and hid. (I found him) We were married 11 months later.
23. The best piece of advice my mother gave me (of the millions she freely shares) is this: If a guy wants to be with you, he will. No excuses, no bullshit. He’ll be there. I hate that she was right about this.
24. I have spent many years in therapy trying to undo the damage my mother did to my self-esteem. My therapists and their checkbooks all thank you, Mom.
25. I wish I had a baby earlier in life. Hope it isn’t too late now.
26. The best boss I ever had was named Noah and he was one of a kind. I was in a daze for months when he left. His replacement was cute but he sure wasn’t Noah. More like the anti-Noah.
27. Anne Lamott is my favorite writer. I can hear her voice in her words and many, many nights I have re-read “Traveling Mercies” just to hear that voice.
28. I used to stand on my dad’s feet when I was little so he could dance with me around the room.
29. He used to tell me that this bar near where we lived (The Merritt House) didn’t allow “little broads” in there but he would take me when I was older. We never got to go. He died when I was 14.
30. I really miss him.
31. I’ve learned that heartbreak seems to hurt more as an adult.
32. Having gastric bypass surgery in 1997 changed my life irrevocably
33. My favorite movie of all time is “Bridget Jones’s Diary”
34. My favorite line from that movie: Bridget: “Nice boys don’t kiss like that” Mark Darcy: “Oh yes they fucking do”
35. The song “Ghost” by the Indigo Girls makes me cry every single time I hear it.
36. I met my last 5 boyfriends online. My personality just seems to shine there.
37. I can’t blow a bubble with gum. I can, however, snap the hell out of it but my dad forbid me to do that in public.
38. Grammatical errors on signs make me totally insane.
39. I would rather sit beside the ocean than do anything else in the world.
40. Even though someone else wrote this about themselves, it fits me to a tee: “My mental “voice” is very much the same written as spoken, and I use the same level of formality chatting, talking, writing email, and writing assignments. I alter that for more academic writing only when forced”.
41. I think I’ve seen “Risky Business about 100 times
42. I love words and am always using dictionary.com to look up new ones I run into online
43. Criminal minds fascinate me. I love reading about serial killers
44. I’ve always wanted to be a therapist. (Does that explain # 43?)
45. I once dated a guy who was heavily into the whole “militia/KKK” lifestyle and I didn’t even really realize it.
46. I love to dance
47. I hate Celine Dion except for one song: “If you asked me to” and I am not sure why
48. I have to sleep with my wave sound machine going.
49. I don’t like to entertain much
50. I am a Libra and there is no question about that. Balance is everything
51. I have four cats.
52. I really only wanted one
53. I always knew I would have a dog named Max in my lifetime. And I do.
54. I went to England and visited Stonehenge. I had no idea what it was. I kind of still don’t . Quoth Eddie: “Nobody knows what the fuck a henge is!”
55. I can only really cook Italian food well.
56. I got the idea for my sunrise wedding ceremony with me, my soon to be husband and the minister from an episode of “Mad about You”
57. My husband relates the story of that little wedding ceremony to every new person he meets (well, just about).
58. I think it touched his little heart.
59. I am sometimes a haughty bitch.
60. Mostly, though, I am a big pile of mush.
61. I have never tried drugs (not even pot).
62. I am definitely NOT a tomboy but I don’t have much occasion to wear dressy stuff anymore
63. I prefer to work with guys.
64. I have a really good memory.
65. I have a really good memory (did I just say that?)
66. My grandma used to make me wonderful tuna fish sandwiches. She said they were so good because she made them with “love” inside.
67. She used to tell me that she would invite Paul McCartney over for spaghetti.
68. I have never been to my dad’s grave. He’s not there (for me, anyway).
69. I have never done the sexual act associated with this number.
70. I am quiet in a group of people I don’t know but if we are buddies, look out! I can talk your ear off.
71. I am broad but not deep. I know a little about a lot.
72. It took me many years to get the courage to get on a roller coaster. To this day, it’s the only one I can ride (The Big Bad Wolf at Busch Gardens, Williamsburg VA)
73. I called my aunt YaYa when I was younger. She never let us call her Aunt anything because it made her feel old (she is only 10 years older than me)
74. My favorite aunt is my godmother, Aunt Connie. She is one of the coolest people I know and she can have the whole place on the floor just hearing her laugh.
75. I think I am addicted to chapstick
76. I never cut class in high school.
77. I made up for that oversight in college.
78. I’ve met Richard Gere.
79. I’ve fallen in love with someone over the internet
80. He broke my heart into more pieces than I could imagine.
81. I miss him alot
82. I think I was British in another life.
83. I dig cookies.
84. I like men who are bigger than me
85. I like the DVD versions of movies when they have the director and cast talking about the making of the film
86. Books are my addictions. I keep buying them and then not reading them.
87. I write pretty good erotic stories. If only I could finish just one.
88. My grandfather had nicknames for everyone. Mine was Mahoney.
89. I just got my legs (and uh, other parts) waxed this year. OUCH! But it looks good. (Not that anyone has noticed, however!)
90. I really am a kick ass godmother.
91. I read the Stephen King book “Carrie” in one sitting – while in the tub. It was really chilly when I finally got out.
92. I can only write poems when my heart is broken. Fortunately, I don’t have a whole lot of them.
93. Just once I want to spend the day being tall, thin and beautiful and see how it feels to be admired for your looks.
94. I thought the book “Catcher in the Rye” was (and I kid you not) about a major league baseball player (catcher? Get it?) who was an alcoholic (in the rye?). I really did. Imagine my surprise when I actually read the darn book in senior year.
95. I like flying on airplanes.
96. I suck at math.
97. I have kept a journal since I was about 10.
98. I know that Donald Fagen did not sing lead on “Dirty Work”. It’s still one of my favorite Steely Dan songs.
99. My cousin gave me David Cassidy’s recent cd for Mother’s Day and I loved it.
100. I was the last girl cousin in my family to get married