BHORC nominates their top 10

BHORC (for those with short memories) is a thread at Table Talk and stands for Bizarre Hatred of Random Celebrities – and this post by Nicole E is just awe-inspiring.

(and I quote)

Narrowing down a top ten is so difficult, with so many hateworthy people in the world, but here’s mine:

Christina Aguilera. Here’s a clue or four. Showing your tits doesn’t mean you are maturing as an artist, nor does it make you unique, nor does it make you special. Lots of people show their tits. You only need tits to do this, not talent, nor inspiration, nor maturity. Get over your stupid, overrated, skanky dirty self. Oh yeah, and learn how to sing while you’re at it. Sloppy intonation and overwrought melisma as disguises for mediocre vocals were perfected by Whitney Houston, and you are a piss-poor imitator.

Whitney Houston. Do us a favor and go away. Nurse your expensive powder cocaine habit and eat your two pieces of lettuce a day and quit making bad music, and maybe you oughta let your mama raise your little girl for you, since it’s obvious you and your has-been husband can’t seem to do it. God sent a message to you when you tried to get knocked up again and miscarried; clearly, the Good Lord didn’t want your skinny ass trying to mother a second innocent child.

Celine Dion I still say Canada oughta pay us a hefty penalty for allowing you out of their borders and onto ours. You do not want to meet me, by the way. I’d kick your skinny, lollipop-head, no shoulders, big-haired, overdone singing, scrawny little ass into the Sun.

Michael Jackson. There isn’t a circus on this planet worthy of your freakiness. Maybe next time you should dangle yourself over a balcony and let go.

Enron, WorldCom, etc. executives May you all choke on your tax havens, your gooseliver pat?, your greed and avarice, your summer homes in Maine and your ski chalets in Aspen, your Caymen Islands bank accounts, your sports cars and SUVs. Better yet, may you choke on the mighty fists of California, that you raped so badly during the “energy crisis”, and the millions of employees and shareholders you screwed.

John Ashcroft You ignored terror warnings but stopped flying commercial airlines two months before 9/11/01. You’ve pissed and shit all over the Constitution but are so offended by the Breasts of Justice that you spend taxpayer dollars to cover them up. You lost your election to a dead man. You think dancing is a sin, but it’s okay to rob hundreds of people of their freedom without even a shred of due process. You claim to be a man of Jesus but I guarantee you that if J.C. met you today he’d whomp your hypocritical, racist, anti-liberty ass from here to Missour-ah.

George W. Bush Words don’t really do my hatred justice. It is rational, and yet it isn’t, because I cannot look at or listen to this vapid, pathetic, narcissistic, preening, inarticulate, language-mangling, elitist, self-absorbed, Oedipal-obsessed, dry-drunk, frat-boy, cowardly, intellectually lazy, power hungry, war mongering, affrontery to the Constitution, waste of atmosphere fuckwad without my blood pressure spiking upward. Some say Bush is just the puppet and his masters are the true evil ones, but anyone who willingly steals an election, destroys an economy, and is ready to watch American soldiers and Iraqi civilians die to settle a score for Daddy is, for me, the very definition of evil.

(I have to say I totally agree with the Shrub comment especially and this from a woman (uh, that’s me) who doesn’t give a rat’s patoot one way or the other about politics but completely echoes her sentiments. Apologies to my family of Repugs … )

Anyone want to add on to the list???

4 Comments

Tony

January 14, 2003

You have no idea how much I agree with you. If you really want to get sick check out http://www.patrickruffini.com/rants/. He is a Republican blogger who makes me sick to my stomach. Keep the faith sister.
Quinn

January 11, 2003

Nice list. That kicks.
Matthew

January 8, 2003

Keep preaching the gospel sister! You may have been preaching to the converted, but you still get an enthusiastic “Amen!” from me. Very funny stuff. Now I need to stop myself from getting too caught up in the religious fervor. ;-)
Mark

January 8, 2003

Hey, those are great. Sometimes I wish I could be more politically incorrect and let lose like that. I fear for our country. Within a couple months we’ll have invaded Iraq, set the whole Islamic world in an uproar, and possible caused a nuclear war or new war on the Korean Peninsula because we have a president who only sees good and evil. God, I want Clinton back!!!