I know writing this makes me a horrid bitch. I accept that. But Jeebus B. Lord, this is just plain sad, y’all.
I found it through Yahoo member profiles and I will keep the names and location off it to protect the
DOLT PARAGRAPH ONE: Hi anybody, I’m new to this computer stuff. Just trying to get the hang of it. I’ll edit this page as I learn more about what I’m doing.!!!!I think I got some more on this page. (Psst! Ever heard of HTML class? Didn’t think so)
The Snarkstress sez: First – hi ANYbody? Well, that makes me feel special. Second, Punctuation police cite him for excessive use of exclamation points (Elaine Bennes would freak!!!!) and finally, got some more WHAT on this page? ‘Splain, Lucy.
Twinnie sez: If you got the hang of it, you would realize that green type in courier font is just plain Nerdsville ? get some hip!
DOLT PARAGRAPH TWO: Looking at women with admiration for their beauty is my No.1 hobby, look is all they let me do. LOL. (Gee, ANY idea why???) Woodworking is a love of mine I hope I never loose. (LOOSE? Even if he did have spellcheck, this wouldn’t have been caught. But still – PEOPLE – lose and LOOSE are two different things entirely. Look them up here and write it down for posterity!)
Twinnie sez: If ?looking? at women is a hobby, then dude, you need a better life. And from the grammar police: it should be looking with admiration at women ? unless it really is that you are looking at women who possess admiration (and for what, I wonder) ? And I bet I just know scads of women who are looking for a little carpenter action ? loose or not!
DOLT CONTINUES: Bicycling comes next.Then camping for two weeks at a time,not just the w/end. The Snarkstress sez: Oh thank God. I would be so sad if my camping trip were only a week and a half!)
STILL MORE FROM THE PUNCTUATIONALLY CHALLENGED: Fixing,repairing,getting things working again,fits in there next.
(Is it just me or did he go a bit overboard,with,the,use,of,commas?)
Twinnie sez: Camping for two weeks ? that means no ?real? shower for two weeks? No real bed for two weeks. No real food for two weeks? Ewwwww ? Not this princess type.
DOLT PARAGRAPH THREE: I’m hoping some pretty women see my home page and try to get to know me. (That’s gonna happen. In NOT-LAND!) I would like to find the woman that could be my better half. I like small women, pretty not beauty queens. With a mind of thier own. (What? As opposed to a mind of someone else’s??) (Once again, may I direct your attention to here wherein you will learn the difference between THERE, THEIR and THEY’RE. Commit it to memory, won’t you?)
Twinnie sez: And dude, just what are you going to do when the ugly women look at your page. More importantly, it?s a damned good thing you weren?t hoping that smart women see your page, ’cause when they do, they will be outta there!
DOLT PARAGRAPH FOUR: I have a curious attraction to asian women, but any woman has to be feminine all the way.(Don’t want to get my but kicked by a pretty woman) (At the rate he’s going, his BUT probably gets kicked often by a non-pretty woman!) Willing to share everything equally (except underware). —> underware and underwear are again, two completely separate things – in fact, I don’t even think the term underware exists! Points your little pinhead to Dictionary.com)
Twinnie sez: Man, for once in my solitary little life I am SOOOOO glad not to be Asian (note capital letter). I am willing to bet our dude is curious about what they really say about Asian women?s anatomy ? here?s a hint ?. It ain?t true.
DOLT PARAGRAPH 398: To be there for each other,good times or bad.I don’t care much for materialistic types. (Really, do you think people go looking for materialistic types? Do you see them advertised in personal sections?) Just looking for a REAL and HONEST woman. That is my main goal to achive while I still live. (But, after I’m dead – that’s a whole different ballgame!) If you are out there, let me know. And if I see you , I’ll let you know.
Twinnie sez: The above is just plain dumb. Why didn?t he include breathing, blinking and hair growing as attributes he seeks ? this boy just needs help, bless his heart (what we say in the south when there just isn?t anything nice to say ? all snark herein to the contrary!)
Final snarkyass comment on this: I think I ought to go into writing personal ads for people because this cannot be getting this probably nice, but clearly inept (at writing) man what he’s looking for.
And then I found this:
Hobbies: Finding a girlfriend on Tuesday.
Latest News: Getting layed in a relationship seems to be a hassle. Maybe an affair where a relationship is a hassle sounds good.
Umm .. WHAT? Seriously. Dude. What??? (psst: and it’s LAID, not layed) Anyone want to try and translate that?
Twinnie sez: Re: finding a girlfriend on Tuesday ? are all the other days booked??? Are you only relationship minded once a week???
And as for his ?Latest News? ? one word (phrase): WTF.
(Yeah, we know. Burn in hell, yada yada yada)