Yes, I know it’s not WTF Tuesday anymore but let’s pretend it still is, mmmkay?
I did not make this conversation up. I swear. I went on AVAILABLE for what? 20 minutes and some dolt outta the blue IMs me and we had the following “conversation” (using the term in the most casual fashion possible):
Doltouttadablue: how r u doing?
Me (minding my own bidness): I B fine
Doltouttadablue: i b?
Me: You said how R U doing … I was being sarcastic and replying that I B (as in be) fine
Doltouttadablue: oh ok
(snipped for total inanity)
Doltouttadablue: how do u amuse others?
Me: Im charming and witty!
Doltouttadablue: thats nice
Doltouttadablue: i am kinda witty too
(I must pause here to mention that as of yet, we have no proof of said wit but I digress)
Doltouttadablue: u married?
Me: Yes, I am …
(Paused again to note that he went away for a while after that comment and I thought I had lost him for good. But no.)
Doltouttadablue: u there?
Me: Yeah, right here …
Doltouttadablue: sorry about it
Doltouttadablue: so ur married?
Me: Yes, I am.
Doltouttadablue: oh ok
Doltouttadabluewme: i did not know that
Me: It is in my profile
Doltouttadablue: oh i did not look at it
Doltouttadablue: how long?
Me: 3 years
Doltouttadablue: how many times r u married?
Me: just once
Doltouttadablue: that was three yrs ago?
Oh for pete’s sake!!! Shall I list for you, dear reader, all the ways that this supposed “conversation” went awry?
1. How R U? –> What? Are they charging you per letter now on IMs? Are you too damn lazy to type the words ARE YOU? Because if U R, then U need to leave me the F alone.
2. I have to explain my retort to your comment? God help us all. I use that same line on all the dolts that IM me like that and this was the first one I actually had to explain that to. Bad way to start off, dude.
3. How is it you can IM someone out of the blue and not even be remotely interested in their profile which usually says, oh I don’t know, something about them??? You spend what (very) little creative energy you have “chatting up” someone only to find out that they are married and you wasted your time. Now really. How smart is that? I know. Don’t answer.
4. I kept chatting with him purely out of pity. I know you wouldn’t think I had any after reading this huge rant, but I did. But when he went to add me to his Buddy List, I had to draw the line. I just know (from experience, mind you) that he would add me to his list, bug the hell out of me on the few occasions I go on available and so I just put him on ignore right there. He’ll get over it. And perhaps some kind young woman will feel compelled to share a clue with him.
This one did not.
Well, the answer to #3 is I’m horny enough where I don’t care to read any silly profile, and I probably have a spouse and kids at home and I’m pretty desparate and I’m just trolling. Also, I can’t spell very well and I haven’t a clue how to maintain a stable relationship, which is why I am IMing you because I’m hoping you don’t either, or are vulnerable, so tell me you want to cheat on hubby, live locally, have no inhibitions and don’t mind if I treat you like dirt after I get my jollies and quickly leave our hotel room at the local Motel 6.
Sorry to shock your system but I’m a guy and I think I understand how their minds work!