Get out and vote!

Dear Friends:

When both Snapper and Atomic have blogged before me, I know I have been away too long!

That said, I’m back (still lugging my “pal” Apathy but I won’t let him get in the way (too much)) and present for you the new Snark-o-rific contest:

Who hit on me best last week?

Each of the following snippets is an actual IM opening from a random stranger to me during the day. Feel free to vote (in the comments section) on which one showed the most style, class and creativity in hitting on me. The names have been changed (theirs, anyway) to protect the insane innocent.

(And btw, I am amused by all of the myriad ways guys work around to hitting on me, so don’t write me 87 ways to avoid these conversations. I like them. Gives me lots of snark material. Just vote, mmmm k??)

Monkey truth – I swear to you I am not making these up

Number 1:
Contestant #1: anyway tell me about ya
jammydodger10: what do you want to know?
Contestant #1: happily married/happily married but wont mind lil spice, married but looking?
jammydodger10: happily married – not looking

(Shivers) — “lil” ? Is the word LITTLE just too damn big for you??

Number 2:
Contestant #2: how long have u been married?
jammydodger10: 3 years
Contestant #2: does hubby let you play at all?
jammydodger10: play? as in with others? Most likely not.

(Don’tcha like how I play dumb? I use that technique alot)

Number 3:
Contestant #3: ok… can you describe yourself?
jammydodger10: and you need this description to chat with me, why??
Contestant #3: i’m “looking”, so that’s why i would like to know what you look like
Contestant #3: are you looking?
jammydodger10: No, I’m not “looking”
Contestant #3: ah, ok… i’ll let you go then… have a good day

(He was polite, was he not?)

Number 4:
Contestant #4: well im 24
Contestant #4: you into younger men at all?
jammydodger10: Um I’m married so not into anyone besides my husband
Contestant #4: oh ok sorry
Contestant #4: have any single friends?

(Way to network, skippy!)

Number 5:
Contestant#5: so how long have you been married
jammydodger10: 3 years
Contestant#5: how is it….i have been divorced for 8 yrs
jammydodger10: it’s great!
Contestant#5: so you don’t date or anything then huh
jammydodger10: uhh no
Contestant#5: pity i am looking for a long term relationship………….
jammydodger10: Sorry – cant help you there.
Contestant#5: wish you could
Contestant#5: you sound very sexy

(How does he know I sound sexy? I wanted to ask but decided that was just plain selfish as admittedly, I was looking for “friskies”)

Number 6:
Contestant #6: are u looking for any relation
jammydodger10: No, Im fine with the one I have

(Plus, he does that dreaded “U” thingy that is a sure turn-off for this Cosmo girl!)

Number 7:
Contestant #7: you looking?
jammydodger10: for?
Contestant #7: romance, relationship, away from home
jammydodger10: No, Im not. I gather you are.
Contestant #7: yeah

(That was me playing dumb again. Pretty slick, hey?)

Number 8:
Contestant #8: cool…are you looking to hook up?
jammydodger10: No, Im not.
Contestant #8: got any bored housewife friends that are?
jammydodger10: No, I don’t. Sorry ’bout that.

(Learned networking skills from Skippy IV, I see)

Not a contestant persay but I got a laugh out of this one:

lordtornsocks: 16 m london
jammydodger10: old-enough-to-be-your-mom, F, USA
lordtornsocks: find ladies my teachrs age sophisticated
lordtornsocks: she is in her 40s

(tee hee – I love that screenname: Lordtornsocks)

Okay, there you have it. A selection of random IMs to yours truly. Let’s hear it! Who was the best and why?

In other news: nothing. SSDD. Meds need to be increased or else I am taking a long walk off a short beach and not coming back. So long cruel world!

Oh! The drama of it all.

hahhah

yeah, right