I really don’t think I’ve slipped into normal “Lisa” mode yet. From being in the mountains of OK for 10 days to coming home to Mom going downhill fast and having a cold on top of that, I am in this funky “Don’t feel anything” place. Friday night’s visit with mom was tough for me since when I left 2 weeks ago, she was her usual self. This time, she could really just communicate with her eyes and a few whispered comments. It hit me hard. I cried all over her head (just like I did with Lauren) and felt just so sad about stuff. But then it was back to numb-chick Saturday and Sunday. I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing what needs to be done.
At some point, however, it’s gonna come for me and I will feel it all. But right now, I am numb – comfortably so.
Thank you, all, for your thoughts, prayers and love during this time. It’s so much appreciated (more than my numb self can tell you at the moment).