What better thing to do on the last day of the year than clean out your “half written post” in-box! Woo hoo! So, here’s a selection of things I liked but couldn’t be bothered to elucidate upon further. Enjoy!
From RealitySteve.com:
So I already put the Britney/K-Fed divorce on the website, and man, I couldn’t be happier. But there are some updates as to what went down. Apparently she did it over text message. That is awesome. How country of her. Ending a marriage over a text message might be the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. We here at Realitysteve.com are very proud to announce that we have gotten the exclusive text, right from K-Fed’s phone. Nobody else has this. My reporting team was all over this, so I commend them for it. Here is word for word exactly what Britney wrote in the text message to end her marriage:
“….I hate u. Lets knot b marrud any more. I’m gettun custody of our 2 boyz. Go away luzer. Back up danzin is for sissies. U don’t git half. Ha ha. Bye :( …”
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Surfing Blog-land again and came across this guy and laughed out loud at his driving pet peeves.
This one, in particular, I could have written verbatim!
Item 5: “Unnecessary” speed
WHY do people have to speed? Look, I’m not talking 10 miles over the limit – we all do that. 65 in a 55? Big deal. I’m talking 80-90 in a 55. Why? WHY? WHY? And if I’m doing 65-70 in the left-hand lane of a highway and you come screaming up at me doing 80, expecting me to move – SCREW YOU, BUDDY. I’m going over the limit as well, I’m in the left-hand lane, but YOU are a freakin’ idiot for going at that speed, so how about SLOWING DOWN A BIT?!?!?! You make me want to tap my brakes a bit to slow down to see if I can get you to swerve and crash, because, damn it, you deserve it… And, damn it, why is it when someone is doing 90 mph on a highway there’s never a cop around? Is this part of the big ME FIRST attitude (Item 17) that we’ve been taught as Americans???
hahahahha That drives me INSANE and brings out the inner meanie in me that wants to exact revenge for being a dumbass. Alas, I don’t. (Much like I don’t give the finger to dolts with incorrect political bumper stickers because that’s so not about light and love, y’all.)
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Hey kids! It’s Friday and what better way to bring in the weekend than discussing not only what my dog Max would sell his soul for but how others have done it as well.
Greenies, for those pet owners not in the know, are treats for dogs and cats that helps clean their teeth while chewing. If you want to try them (and I promise your pets will LOVE them), visit this link for a free sample). Anyway, Max adores greenies like nobody’s business. I give him one in the morning but make him sit and sing for it. (I saw on “Dog Whisperer” that you should ask your pet to “do” something in order to get a reward. Now all I have to do is say “What’s our deal?” and he immediately lays down and sings me a song. It’s very cute.) The mere mention of a greenie is enough to send him into ecstasy. Which got me wondering “For what thing/person would I sell my soul?”
I don’t take that question lightly, as much as I am asking it in a humorous vein. I’ve worked hard on bringing through light, love and healing energy into and around my soul so there’s really nothing I would trade that for. Being skinny and eating whatever the hell I want forever? So so tempting. But no. The wealth of Paris Hilton? No.
(Please to be noting that I got no farther than that. But the question is a good one, I think. I don’t know what I’d sell my soul for these days. In fact, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t sell it at all. Just don’t tempt me with being perma-thin and perma-rich or I might reconsider!)
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Stupid things that make me giggle:
SHOSHUN!!
If you’re not reading Dooce, what the hell is your problem?? heh I’ve been reading Heather’s blog for a lonnnng time and think she’s fab. She often puts stuff in there about her daughter Leta and this one was the cutest one of all (so I believe):
Every night after Leta’s bath we lather her entire body with lotion to help protect her skin against the dry winter air. She loves this part of the routine and anticipates it by wiggling her feet frantically and chanting, “SHOSHUN! SHOSHUN! SHOSHUN!” For months Jon and I have been trying to teach her the correct pronunciation of the word often resorting to cruel behavior and withholding the lotion until she at least tries to fumble an L out of her mouth. It never works, of course, and we end up laughing maniacally as she holds her mouth shut in anger. When Leta is old enough to have her own blog one of her first posts will be about how her parents often denied her the healing salve of moisturizer and that is why now at the age of eight she likes to blow up mailboxes.
Shoshun is the most adorable mispronunciation that comes out of her mouth, and last night we recorded it so that we have it in permanence before she takes us seriously and says it the right way. That inevitable day will be tragic.
Take a listen. Go on. You know you want to.
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Meeting up with the President:
It was July 4, 2001, and we were both at one of those things that the late historian Daniel Boorstin would have labeled a “pseudo event”: a church picnic in Philadelphia, designed to help promote George W. Bush’s faith-based policies. Because I had serious misgivings about the president’s performance to that point, my own involvement in the whole operation had left me feeling a bit like a pseudo person, so when I had the chance to shake Bush’s hand, I said, “Mr. President, I hope you only serve one term. I’m very disappointed in your work so far.”
His smiling response was swift: “Who cares what you think?”
Ah! It’s so nice to be in the presence of a “compassionate conservative”, eh?
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Dearest readers,
I know you are breathlessly awaiting all the exciting details of our trip to Paris/Lourdes. (You are, right??) Well, I could spend the day telling about all the fun we had walking up and down the streets of Lourdes, snarfing all the french bread we could get our hands on. I could detail how fabulous it was to sleep in an actual midget bed and take a shower in a bathroom the size of a shoe. You may be interested to know that while France has excellent desserts, the general food (with the possible exception of cheese omlettes) was less than thrilling. Or, you might be amazed to learn that the Eiffel Tower is only really cool to look at in the evening when it’s all lit up like a Christmas tree.
(I really should finish this one – the story of the baths in Lourdes is priceless and showed me to what extent I would go for someone I truly loved. It involves nekkidness in front of nuns, 55 degree water in a marble tub, speed racing to kiss a statue and the peace of knowing you’d do anything Lauren asked you to do.)
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Jon Stewart and The Daily Show rocks!
“The real question is in the 4 years since 9/11 you have to ask yourself: has the government’s advancements, procedures, etc. made us safer, given us more comfort that they will have an effective, or more effective, response to catastrophic events and I think it’s very clear that the answer is…Oh Shit! We’re in trouble
-and this-
Jon: Well, has their effort made an impact on his (Bush’s) standings?
Ed: …Today we saw the President armed with a fresh supply of talking points.
Bush: “We got to solve problems. We’re problem solvers.”
Ed: …We got to eat zucchini because we’re zucchini eaters. Another key talking point: “They’ll be ample time to figure out what went right and what went wrong.” While everyone else has committee’s, he’ll end up building a billion dollar damn in Arkansas….His plan will be to fight the water there so we don’t have to fight it here. Here in New Orleans.
Jon: so no one’s going to be held accountable for any of this?
Ed: Ahhh…No. They’ll be hard pressed finding enough medals to pin on these guys. My sources tell me the head of FEMA may actually be dipped in bronze and turned into an award an then given to other officials.”
So – props to you if you’ve made it to the end! I’ll mail you a greenie with no soul giving required!
Heh heh heh.
Don’t know about the Greenies business. I do understand – agree – about the speeding. It certainly has gotten excessive these days. And what about those people who eat while driving? Today I saw a woman putting sauce on her Taco Bell taco while driving! God forbit she should create an accident while trying to make sure the lettuce or the hot sauce doesn’t create a stain on her car upholstery!
Oh My god I cant believe your comments are finally letting me post! I loved your TT and this is hilarious. happy New Year buddy!
Lisa, Becareful of the greenies – they have killed a lot of animals because they are so hard and do not break down easily – only give them to pets when under close supervision.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006 Posted: 1547 GMT (2347 HKT)
KANSAS CITY, Missouri (CNN) — At least 13 dogs have died after being fed the top-selling pet treat in the country, owners and veterinarians have told CNN.
The problem comes because the treats, called Greenies, become lodged in a dog’s esophagus or intestine and then some veterinarians say they don’t break down.
“I know they are marketed in saying that they do digest. Certainly the ones that we’ve taken out, esophageal or intestinal, that have been in for days are still very hard,” Brendan McKiernan, a board-certified veterinary internal medicine specialist from Denver, Colorado, told CNN. (Watch a vet retrieve a two-day old, undigested Greenie from a dog — 7:40)
Greenies recommends owners check that the treats are chewed and Joe Roetheli – who launched the brand as a treat that can freshen a dog’s breath and clean its teeth – said it was important to pick the correct chew for a particular dog. There are 7 different sizes to choose from depending on the size of the dog.
But most of the dog owners CNN talked to say they did follow package instructions and they still had a problem.
Mike Eastwood and his wife, Jenny Reiff, recently filed a $5 million lawsuit in New York, blaming Greenies for the intestinal blockage that caused the death of their dog Burt.
“I’m mad that their packaging states that the product is 100 percent edible, highly digestible and veterinarian approved, yet our dog died of it,” Eastwood told CNN.
S&M NuTec, which manufactures the toothbrush-shaped chew, won’t comment on the case but in court papers denied the allegations.
Roetheli said the focus should be on the dental benefits and Greenies are saving dogs’ lives by lowering the risk of periodontal disease.
He says feeding Greenies is far safer than putting a dog under anesthesia to clean teeth.
“Dogs really love the product!” he said. “They do a very effective job of cleaning teeth and freshening breath.”
Any suggestion that Greenies are defective was rejected by Roetheli, who developed Greenies with his wife, Judy.
“Our product is safe. It is used every day by thousands of dogs, millions a week and it is basically a very safe product.”
A CNN investigation uncovered 40 cases since 2003 where a veterinarian had to extract a Greenie from a dog after the treat became lodged either in the animal’s esophagus or intestine. In 13 of those cases, the pet died.One of those was Tyson, Josh Glass and Leah Falls’ 8-month-old boxer, who was taken to Brent-Air Animal Hospital in Los Angeles, California, where vet Dr. Kevin Schlanger found the animal had a blocked intestine.
“It was very clear that it was something dense and firm that had caused the obstruction,” Schlanger said. He removed a Greenie from the intestine.
McKiernan’s says his Denver clinic has seen at least seven cases in the past five years, which he says is an unusually high number. That prompted him to start researching and writing a paper to warn other veterinarians of the problem.
He says his research, which he hopes to get published in a veterinary journal, shows compressed vegetable chew treats, of which Greenies is the most popular, are now the third biggest cause of esophageal obstruction in dogs behind bones and fish hooks.
Please be careful – yes spike and Auzz love them too but the only get them if I am watching to make sure no big chunks get eatten or holding on to the greenie so it just gets nibbled away…
Lots of Hugs
Jennifer
Cat Percy also has a greenie jones going on and there is NO treat that she really likes save a Krispy Kreme donut (contrary to popular rhetoric, this is one cat with a sweet tooth!).
Lisa … here’s hoping your 2007 is a lot less stressful than 2006.
I wish you peace!
Cathy
I’m very suspicious of those Greenie things and I highly suspect that the ghost of Bob Marley has something to do with them. Not only do our Bassets love these things, the Guinea Piggy sqeals everytime she hears me open the the bag.