Ah, you all know me now, don’t you? If I don’t post for a while, it usually means I’ve got something percolating in my head that might not have words to fit it yet. Sometimes, that’s a good thing. Sometimes, it’s not. Today, I’m mostly in neutral territory.
The Universe keeps reminding me, in a myriad of ways, that I am not quite the enlightened being I think I am. Lately, anger keeps bubbling up from nowhere. I don’t do anger. At least that’s what I have told myself. I get pissy. I get peevy. I get annoyed. But I don’t get angry. Apparently, this is the year where I will actually learn that I can and do get angry. I have choices, of course, about what I do with that anger. Mostly I cry. I am very comfortable with crying and probably a little too comfortable with sadness. I am not as comfortable with anger. It scares me and feels like an unwelcome friend. The kind of friend that you just want to slug and scream “GO AWAY”. (Which I wouldn’t do because that would be impolite.) Grappling with anger and things that are stirred up when you didn’t want them to be seems to be some of my lessons. In fact, I am learning that I chafe at having to do any. single. thing. I don’t want to do (or see a reason to do). Wow. I so would have sucked in the military or in prison.
Anyway, lots of stuff in the head. Some of it will tumble out. Some, thankfully, will not. Just know that I’m here (more or less) and looking for the words. (Peeks under the bed … just dust here. Good. I’m in the right house.)
I dont know if this will help but once you embrace the anger? It can be incredibly empowering. Think Kali. Or the deities in tantric buddhism whose names I cannot remember. The anger can purify while destroying all that needs to be gone. Good luck sweetie.
Hmmm, sounds like there is some spiritual creative “suckage” happening in the metaphysical realm. I’m going through a similar drought and frustration for the past few weeks.
The cloud must lift sometime. I hope.
I hear ya sista! I just don’t know how to do angry. It makes me feel impotent and powerless. I usually cry which just makes me angry and embarassed. Growing up, strong emotions were not encouraged – I heard “what’s the point in getting angry? there’s nothing you can do about it”. Ok well that says to me now that my emotions aren’t valid and I’m powerless. Oh my oh my the baggage I carry :) Don’t know if any of this helps.
Anger is hard. I always think of the fire element. Did you know that you have mostly fire in your chart? Transiting Pluto is right on your natal Jupiter. Deep Change, Baby! And, pluto, ultimately, is the Phoenix. So once you burn it all out you will arise all fresh and new.
And, there are lots of us that feel the same way.