Dear Three People:
Yesterday, Duty and I went to the Nats vs. O’s game at Nationals park. I cannot remember the last time I was at a baseball game. Once I found hockey and its non-stop action, everything else is like slow, drawn out torture and I say “what’s the point?”. Yet, I found myself suggesting this because he loves de baseball and I’m nice. Having little or no interest in the game itself frees one up to notice all the peripheral action going on around oneself. And so, I share these ruminations with you. (I know my Cubs loving Gal will have something to say on this topic!)
Good lord! I am now completely sure people attend baseball games just to eat the crap food. (I know I did. Rock on Five Guys!) But the amount of food eatin’ I saw blew my mind. And it was often the same people I saw running to get it. Up and down the steps they go, coming back with beers, nachos, hot dogs, more beer and popcorn. Not to mention the VERY LOUD gentlemen toting all kinds of drinks and food all over the place. (How they do it, I have no idea but they were all rail thin so perhaps that’s the secret to skinniness.) I had 1/2 a burger, some french fries, one beer, some popcorn and yes, the horrible fried dough. (I got a very, very bad look from Duty for getting that. He said “Do you need that?” to which I countered “Does anyone ever NEED fried dough? No. So hush up.” YEESH) He did because he was the one who ate most of the hamburger, fries and popcorn. I did sorta regret eating it though. The first two bites were yummmm and the rest was like “oh man, this powdered sugar is getting all over me and ewww.” Plus, $6 for fried dough? What a rip.
Despite that it was both local teams and it was their once or twice yearly match-ups with each other, the crowd couldn’t have given less of a shit if they tried. Maybe I’m used to hockey fans or something but this was sad. Back in the day, when I was an O’s fan and went to many games (and listened to many more on the radio), the crowd was so into it. What the hell happened? It was a boring ass game (2-1 final) but honestly, why pay $40/ticket, 40 more in foooood just to sit there and be all chill? I don’t get it.
I don’t think I venture out in public very much because, as with the David Cook show at Towson, I noticed the large amount of boobage on display. Am I turning lesbian because I notice this now? (NTTAWWT, of course) I am more inclined to believe that chicks are into showing it more now. And what’s the point of getting all tarted up (and in high heels even) to go to a baseball game where your boyfriend will ignore you to drink lots of beer and half-heartedly cheer on some team or another?
I am pretty sure I’d be snagged by Clinton & Stacey for dressing in a slovenly fashion (Tshirt, jeans, sneakers and a baseball cap) but it was pretty comfortable. I was not raised to believe that heels and a dress cut down to THERE was appropriate for a game. Then again, who am I to say, hey? As a side note, excellent (and I mean EXCELLENT) arm pornage there. I amused myself by looking for the best arm porn of the evening and found it in a military guy. Very nice indeed. Made me glad he was busy running up and down the steps to fetch food. :)
Finally, the metro ride home. Here’s the recipe for hell in a tube:
*Take one introvert already on overload from enormous stimulation (and sadly, not the good kind either)
*Add to it 20 million people (give or take)
In a separate dish, collect the following:
*metro car filled to bulging capacity
*Duty yipping loudly for me to COME HERE! and I said NO (because I was making my way to a space where I could hold on to the rail above me), him yipping even MORE loudly “I said COME HERE” (and btw, WTF?) to which I yelled “I’m looking for a rail to hold on to” and then I cussed not very quietly. (Don’t push me peeps. Just sayin.)
* my fear that my deodorant has failed me and I’m killing the poor guy to my right
Slowly fold that into your main bowl, steep for fifteen minutes, then drive twenty minutes out of your way for a Dunkin’ Donuts coffee only to find it is closed and drive forty more minutes home.
TA-DA! HELL! Hell, I say!
And that, my three friends, is how you create Lisa’s personal hell. I don’t think I’ll be attending any more games this summer. I can stay home, eat whatever I want, pull up videos featuring arm porn deluxe and revel in my solitude.
I am officially old.
As a die hard Hockey fan, I do find baseball a tad (big TAD) slow. That said, I had a great time with my family at an O’s game. Maybe because it was slower I didn’t have to body slam the people around me who talked a lot (do not talk during play at a hockey game – the results are not pretty) I have even heard of Stitch ‘n Pitch – games that stichers go together to watch the game and kibbutz with other stichers. As for the metro, I love to ride when we win! All that said, I would NEVER EVER pick a baseball game over a hockey game but I do enjoy a baseball game.
For Father’s day, how about treating duty to an Oriole’s minor league game in Bowie. I think the Baysox are at home that day. A nice fun day at the ball park! I used to go there on occasion when I lived in Glen Burnie. (But I preferred going to my grandson’s hockey games when he was playing (travel and High School).
Damn! I wrote a long, passionate comment and I guess I didn’t hit submit. Damn!
OK, here we go again!
I can’t speak to much of what you reported because I only go to games within The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field.* Cub fans are an involved breed, and we have traditions and etiquette to observe (ex: home run balls hit by the opposing team must be thrown back). Non Cub fans are friendly, rubber necking tourists. Unless it’s a game with the Brewers or Cardinals — then non Cub fans are from neighboring cities and not so friendly. Still, we are a civilized lot. Not like our South Side brethren.
Also, this may simply be my NL prejudice, but no DH rule makes the intricacies of our games more interesting and important. (Trust me on this — our best pitcher is on the Disabled List after running the bases.)
While the Cubs are in contention this year, that hasn’t been the case in many (many) seasons gone by. So here’s my grandpa’s recipe for enjoying a game — was the sun warm, was the beer cold, and did you see someone make a memorable play? If the answer is yes, you had a good time at Wrigley Field.
Getting home via public transportation sucks. The only thing worse is being stuck first in the parking lots and then in traffic. I have no grandfatherly recipe for enjoying getting to and fro.
HOWEVER the yummiest part of your post was the shout-out to 5 Guys. The first one in the area opened here about six months ago and I’m hooked. LOVE the cheeseburgers. LOVE the fries. LOVE the peanuts while waiting for my order.
*OK, that’s a lie. I have been to two (count ’em, 2) games at Sox park. Spent all 9 innings frightened that the South Siders would smell my Cubdom and burn me on the stake as a witch.
Also saw my beloved future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux pitch as a Dodger out West. That was odd. Dodger fans don’t expect to see the entire game. Traffic again. They get there by the third and leave after the 7th. Seemed strange to me.
I have only ever been to games at The Friendly Confines of Wrigley Field*. We care about the game and have many traditions and rules and etiquette. Also, perhaps it’s my NL snobbery, but no DH makes the intricacies of the game on our side of town soooo much more interesting. (Trust me, our best pitcher landed on the disabled list after running the bases.) The Cubs are a great team and in contention this year, but they haven’t been in many (many) seasons past, so let me share my grandpa’s recipe for enjoying a game: was the weather nice, was the beer cold, and did anyone make a good play? Answer yes, and you had a good time at Wrigley Field.
However, even though I bleed Cubbie Blue, public transportation to and from the park sucks. The only thing worse is waiting to get out of the parking lots. I have no grandfatherly recipe for enjoying this portion of the program.
The most interesting part of your post was the shout-out to Five Guys. One just opened here in town about six months ago and I looooooove it! Oh, those cheeseburgers! Oh, those fries! Oh, those peanuts I eat while waiting for my order!
*OK, that’s a lie. I’ve been to two White Sox games. But I was so worried that the South Siders would smell my Cubdom on me and burn me as a witch that I remember little of it.
Mom was a bigtime Phillies fan. Maybe Billy had a hankering to see a game for that reason.
I am not much for anything that comes with crowds, but you were a real trooper to give it a shot.
If the Phillies do any good again this year, perhaps I would be tempted – for old time sake. I used to go in the summers when I would come home and visit mom AND I dated this guy (between husbands) who took me to a playoff game in 1993. Was a great game…. funny… tell you the story about it another time.
BTW… I asked Mary M to be my FB friend and she accepted today. Is good to have another connection to Lauren and also another connection to you.
I am so thankful to have you in our family….and I hope ol’ what’s his name (my little bro) knows how thankful I am to have you as my seester.
Here’s the thing, Lis: you’ve got to get past the major league game. I gave up on major league baseball *years* ago — but the emphasis in that clause is on “major league”, not on “baseball”. I’ve become addicted to the minor league game instead. Stadiums that seat 5,000-10,000 max, so there are NO bad seats. Tickets that cost maybe $10-12 max, and less if you choose general admission because you remembered that there are no bad seats. Players who aren’t making multi-gazillions of dollars. (The standard is a *little* below the big leagues, but not much.) And fans who are ordinary people who can afford to bring their kids; fewer obnoxious drunks in the stands. The choice is clear!