I am stuck here at the Tulsa OK airport for more time than I planned (*way* more) so I am availing myself of the fabulous wireless here to do a post. I won’t get home until about 9pm (whee) and I know I won’t feel like writing then so may as well do it now.
This was an amazingly transformative week. And how does one quantify transformation? I don’t know. The only way I can state it is this: I grew up. The scared, invisible child I have been letting drive (sans a driver’s license, yet!) now rides comfortably as a passenger and I took the wheel. How did that happen? It was really a culmination of lots of things but mostly I’d say it had to do with conquering the fear that kept me from living in my body. Sounds so abstract, doesn’t it? I know. Sorry. Without going into much detail about the actual event that occurred, I can say that while someone was doing her own work in group, I could feel the need to want to just *vanish* and leave my body. I kept saying (in my head) “I have to go. I have to go.” But I managed to stay right with it, talk to the fear and say “See what happens if you stay.” It was not bad. In fact, I saw that getting past the fear was the hard part. Being in my body was okay, comparatively.
There were lots of other breakthroughs, of course. That was one of the biggest and most profound ones. How all this integrates will show up in time. For now, I consider it an accomplished week – met and exceeded my goals. For me, that’s a HUGE win.
My internets time is running out so I shall stop here for now. Wish me luck on my travels! :)
Wow Wow Wow Chicky-poo It sounds like a major shift in the force for you. Does the person behind your eyes match the person in front? I can’t wait to hear about your journey.