Stealage #987

Sunday Stealing: The “What If” Meme

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
Hmm, that’s a good question. I think I’d pick cousin/who/hates/me’s husband because he is a total waste of air and is what seems (key word) to hold her back because she chooses not to leave him. If she were freed from that hell, what would she do with her life? I’d like to see what comes of it. (I’d also say Dick Cheney but I’d rather he stay here and suffer.)

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
I never did like Rush but others do and they seem to have some musical skills so not them. How about the hideous Jonas Brothers? I saw them (or was forced to watch them, let’s say) on the 2008 American Idol finale and the whole time I was all WTF is this shit? (Of course, I said that about George Michael’s segment as well so it’s possible it’s just me.)

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
I’d say Dick Cheney but he has a gun and isn’t afraid to use it on his friends much less those trying to punch him out so let’s go with second choice and that would be George Bush for being such a fuckwit and making a big ass mess of this country. He was just the puppet, I know. But still. Punches for him. (Cheney’s got a gun)

4. What is your favorite cheese?
I love love love very sharp cheddar. MMMM

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
A toasted Italian cold cut sub from a deli in Richmond VA. I can’t recall the name of it now but it was in Careytown and it smelled like all the old time Italian stores I remember going to with my mom.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
Movie celebrity? I’d pick Eddie Izzard who is not only a fabulous comedian but also an accomplished actor. (Don’t be fooled by the picture below – he’s a hell of a guy. Just happens to enjoy freedom of clothing choices!)

Ha! And you thought I’d pick George Clooney! EWWW! I am probably the only woman in existence who despises his ass (and Brad Pitt’s too. Just ick and ewww)

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy shit, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
Buying some coffee because I’m gonna need it after all that awesome sex.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Italy – Capri perhaps or Tuscany. But definitely Italy. Ah! The motherland!

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Shit! Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
Buying some coffee because I’m gonna need it after all that awesome time spent in the air getting there!

11. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
I’d go back to before I was born and hang out with my dad and then my mom to get a better perspective of who they were before I came along.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
I’d install a female cabinet to govern things. Chicks are the mediators (mostly – when they’re not being crazy and unhinged – I’ve seen too many episodes of “Snapped” – can you tell?) and I think this would be an interesting way to run things. I’d put Cousin O’Love in charge of all of it because she is a world class administrator. And I’d have Cousin O’Cool there as well running the show with her. They are two amazing women.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?
Oh good lord. I have no idea. It would have to be snarky and funny and very witty and well written so I’d most likely hire Tina Fey away from her baby 30Rock (which I don’t like, strangely enough). Adventures of a dorky Angel whisperer who also pines for a musician half her age. How’s that? (Well, now that I write it out, it sounds kinda icky. Scratch the pining part. Let’s keep that on the DL, K?)

15.What is your favorite curse word?
Fuckety pretty much serves the purpose. Hal Sparks said yesterday that the only curse word that’s kept its status as truly appalling is the c-word. (I hate the word and don’t want to use it.) He said it’s so hideous that it’s pretty much the only one that still gets a rise out of most people.

16.One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
Mummies? Well, there’s a faction I haven’t encountered yet. Are they gross mummies like in Thriller? Or just run of the mill mummies? I’m pretty sure I’d be scared initially and then start asking questions to learn what the hell they’re doing in my room.

17. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?
My cards from Lauren. I will never ever be able to replace those and they mean the world to me because she wrote such loving things in them. We are truly sisters of the heart.

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
A half hour? That’s not much time. I’d email my friends to say good bye, make one last blog post and kiss all my pets and love on them. Pretty mundane stuff, eh? (All while listening to my DC music)

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?
I’d LOVE to fly. Or sing – just belt out a song when the mood struck me. Then fly off to another place. Flying and singing.

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
The day I spent with Lauren in the hospital where we watched all of Season 1 of the British version of The Office and sang along to Freelove Freeway (it’s just a goofy song but it’s totally our snarky british sense of humor.)

21.You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
If I erase Lauren’s death will she still be here? If so, then that. For sure and without question. If not, then all of 1982 because that year sucked ass beyond belief.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Bitchin’! What country are you going to live in now?
Where else? I’m going to Italy, bitches!! Good food, nice people, lots to do and pretty places to do it in. I’m there.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
The one where David Cook plays all the time. It also, btw, serves magnificent cosmos and onion rings. It’s called “Babylon”.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out…I can FLOAT!”?
Float like hovering? I’m not sure I’d want that. What’s the point? After you’ve shown off to your friends, there’s no where to go with it.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
I loved Luther Vandross – thought he had an amazing voice and was very sad to hear of his passing so I’d bring him back.

Love this song:

26. The Celestial Gates of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
There’s no one else I’d choose – it’s my sweetie Lauren in a heartbeat. I know I talk about her a lot on here but she was the child of my heart. From the moment she was born, I totally adored her. And the strange thing (well, not really, if you knew her) was that pretty much everyone she came in contact with felt this way about her. She was able to reach people right where they were. Just a burst of light and sunshine. I miss her.

27. What’s your theme song?
Joy and Pain (by Frankie Beverly)

Joy and pain are like sunshine and rain
Joy and pain are like sunshine and rain

Over and over you can be sure
There will be sorrow but you will endure
Where there’s a flower there’s the sun and the rain
Oh and it’s wonderful they’re both one and the same