30 Days of Honesty rolls on. Today, Day 4:
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Long story:
When I was just a year old, I was given a baby doll for Christmas. She was named Angel (and yes, my mom said I named her so you know I was hooked up to them early on.) and I pretty much went nowhere without her. Cousin O’Love really hated her and used to step on her head. (I could go Freudian on you about that but I digress.) Suffice to say that Angel and I were inseparable for much of my childhood.
When I was about ten years old, we got some new neighbors in the apartment next door – the new maintenance man, his wife and their two daughters. The mom was really young, as I recall. Maybe 18 or so and had two kids already. I used to babysit for her now and again and got to be friendly with them. I brought Angel over there so they could play with her. Something happened and the maintenance guy got fired and the family had to move and do it quickly so they packed up and left, almost in the middle of the night. Of course, Angel was packed up with them.
I did some investigative work (no idea how I did this since there was no Google at the time) and found the phone number of the couple, called the nice lady and asked for Angel back. She was sorry she took her and said she didn’t have a car but I could come pick her up and gave me her address. I ran in and told Mom who said “I’m not driving to that neighborhood. It’s not a safe place.” and that was that. Angel was gone.
As you can imagine, I was heartbroken. Cried and cried and cried to my dad. (Since he was blind, he couldn’t drive. Mom was the driver in the house.) He sat me down and said this: “Okay, so she has Angel now. That little girl doesn’t have much in her life and now she has a piece of you. Maybe that will help her somehow.” And that has stuck with me all these years (40 of them, actually). It really did make me feel better about losing Angel.
Years ago, before Mom died, I asked her why she didn’t go and get Angel. She said she couldn’t remember why and that she was sorry for not going. I didn’t want to forgive her then.
I will now.
Mom, I know you hear me when I say this: I understand that a lot was going on and I forgive you for not understanding what losing Angel truly meant to me.
I love you.
(Let’s hope Day 5 is cheerier! If I could scan in a picture of Angel, you’d laugh. She was just this dorky doll with no hair. But I loved her.)
This was so meaningful to me. When I was little, say five, my mother was able to get me two Toni dolls, a brunette and a blond. I loved my Toni dolls too. One year my father had a friend who was "down on his luck" and out of work. Christmas was near and my dad asked if I would give my Toni dolls to this family. Oh, how I struggled with that and to this day I still feel a little sad that I gave them up. The blessing of the incident is that these dolls must have been dearly loved by the little girls who then received them, because of the love I had for them. We are soul mates, you and I.
It is more important to obey than to sacrifice. We were obedient.
I knew as I was reading that I was hearing the voice of the young Snarkela. I think it's lovely that the mature Snarky Pants can collaborate with your younger self and with the perspective that comes with time, forgive your mom.
I also think your dad sounds extraordinary.
My recent post 30 Days of Honesty – Playing Catch Up Again
This is such a touching story and great insight to what a giving person you are. I got chills thinking about that child getting shuffled out to a new place to live in the middle of the night but I bet she had a friend for life in your angel doll. There was a reason why your doll got left there that night. Hugs to you always but esp during this 30 day journey.