Yeah, Yeah, Yeah …. I’m here.
Traditionally, I do a “What I’m thankful for” post around this time o’year …. and I suppose I’ll get around to that Thursday morning. Until then, though, you’re stuck with me and troof days 22 and 23.
Day 22 â†’ Something you wish you hadnâ€™t done in your life.
Off the twenty bizillion things I wish I hadn’t done (dated a psychopath, let my mother dress me, get those two guinea pigs), the one I most wish I hadn’t done is go back to eating sugar after my surgery in 1997. I was sugar free for about 6 months because I heard it would do horrible things to your tummy (and weight loss) if you ate it. But I succumbed, calling my friend to ask her (she was over 2 years out of surgery) if I could have six peanut M&Ms or would it kill me. I wish she said the latter. Alas, here I sit, 13 years and many pounds later, still digging on the sugar. Poops.
Day 23 â†’ Something you wish you had done in your life.
Shall I get maudlin here for you? I wish that I had been able to have a baby. By the time I got around to even thinking about it, my body had other ideas and closed up shop fast. I would have sucked as a 40 year old mom so I bow, as always, to the infinite wisdom of the Universe. But had I made different choices in my earlier days, I’d have had a child. It would have made me a completely different person (as those things do) but I’m sure I would have gotten just as many (if not more) lessons.
My family has been so great, providing me with lots of peeps to love (looking at you, Niece of Artsy-Fartsy, Godson of Love and the best Luke Skywalker around) and the opportunity to have as close to a child in this world as I had in Lauren. I have an abundance of love and that’s really the best thing. So, next lifetime, perhaps a child. She will be named Sophie and will be an avid reader and blogger and incipient cat lady, like her mother.
Yep, that’s some maudlin ass shit, innit??
In a way though, it's very lucky for me and Luke and Peter because we don't have to split attention with another kid :)
Also, maudlin? Good SAT word. I had to look it up. Your blog is making me smart! Aaaahhhh!
Well-done, Lisa. (As The Gal Herself said….)
No, you're not maudlin at all. You're just looking at the path not taken. And tamping down those feelings of longing without acknowledging them will just lead to trouble because one way or the other, they will come to the surface. The important thing is that you accept where you are now. As a wise man (Col. Potter on MASH) once said, "If you're not where you are, you're nowhere."
My recent post 30 Days of Honesty