I want a new blog …..
One that won’t make me sick
One that won’t make me crash my car
Or make me feel three feet thick
Well, mostly I want a new blog layout. I’m hoping Sarah can bring Snarkypants up to speed again. I don’t like it when things look sucky or I can’t change them on my own. And that’s where I am here. It makes me not want to be here and this blog is and has been my safe place. I don’t want that to change. Just how it looks and functions. Is that so much to ask?? (heh – it is when you can’t wave a magic wand and make that happen on your own!)
Despite having the Universe deposit $6000 cash money into my bank account out of the blue, I still have no damn firm timeline on when to leave the day job. GRRR! While I’d like to blame Duty entirely for this situation, he’s really just reflecting back to me something I don’t want to acknowledge and offering me an opportunity to step into my own power. After all, we create everything that shows up in our life.
So, I’ve created a situation where while I’m quite confident that I can do this as a full-time job and consistently bring in at least what I make now but probably much more, the other half of the household is carrying great fear around the possibility that we’ll be destitute in a month if I quit working for someone else. Is he putting voice to my own (possibly unadmitted) fear that I won’t make it? Could be. Also could be that he’s providing me a space to stand up and say “I’m doing it. Period.” Dunno.
What I do know, though, is that I have to keep moving. It will happen. He might fight me tooth and nail (because, you see, it’s really not about the money. It’s about lots of other things going on underneath the surface) but it *will* happen. He wants me to be happy, there’s no question. But he is also content in his vibration of (whatever) and my doing the work of my heart and soul is going to shift things a lot. A LOT. Since I’m driving the action, I can anticipate the changes. He’s the guy in the sidecar holding on for dear life, hoping that he doesn’t fall out and bonk his head.
Change IS scary. I admit that. But dragging your feet isn’t going to make it less scary. It’s just delaying the inevitable. Don’t know how you feel about it but I think $6000 falling into my lap is a pretty big validation of the work I’m doing. Especially when it happens in the month where Duty said that’s how much I’d need in the bank for him to feel comfortable with my leaving the full-time job.
There’s no going back – there’s only going forward. Fall looks to me to be probable at this rate. I’ve got the money in the bank, am working on some good programs to offer my clients for mentoring and teaching, lots of friends, teachers and mentors who love me and want me to succeed and of course, the love and support of the Angels, Guides, Teachers and the Universe who show me time and again that they’ve got my back in all things.
So it is and so it shall be.