My (tea-party loving) aunt keeps telling me that I don’t see the underbelly of things as she does when she goes to fight the state to get assistance for her developmentally challenged daughter. She claims that there are all these illegal immigrants in the offices when she goes and that she’s one of the few “Americans” there.
(As an aside, how do you bitch about all the people on government assistance while you, yourself, are there seeking … government assistance? ::boggle::)
It’s possible I am looking at all this from the perspective of someone who has money in the bank to pay our bills. Until I met and married Duty, though, I lived pretty much hand to mouth.
When I first moved out of my mother’s house, I gave her half my monthly paycheck because she lost her job soon after I moved. I lived on about $400 a month at that point – rent and all. So, I’ve been there. It does suck, I know. I am grateful every single day that we have enough. And I am very giving whenever I feel that ‘nudge’ to do so (which is often – could be a dog in need, could be someone’s child raising funds to go on a trip to Africa, could be all the things I donate to the hospice store here and don’t take tax deductions on it …. Like Gal, I do what I’m called to do.)
I do feel passionately that we cannot exist in a “I got mine, fuck you” world. We cannot. It’s from that perspective that I feel frustrated. Most of all, I’m angry with those who seek to gain $$$$$ exploiting people’s fears.
That’s what’s going on with my aunt. Her husband lost his good job about a year or so into their marriage and since then they’ve barely hung on, using up all their savings, IRA money etc. She keeps up a brave front but I know it eats away at her. He found work last year but they’ve got a lot of catch up to do. I know there’s a lot of fear there and worry. I get it.
It’s hard to be all woo and kumbaya about it when you’re living one paycheck to the next. So she watches Fox and the fears get going – someone is taking stuff that’s hers. There won’t be enough. Obama is a bad, evil person out to steal everything you have. Over and over and over. I don’t blame her at all. She’s doing the very best she can. I get angry that she’s being exploited. And it makes my heart sad that I can’t do much more than I am doing. (Probably a discussion for my Guides and me. I’ve got some “tiny fists of impotent rage” going on over here.)
So yeah. There’s that.
(because you’re dying to know, amirite?) I’m waiting for a consult with the oral surgeon to determine timing for the dental work that lies ahead. I’ll probably have a wee nervous breakdown before I go for the official pulling of the back teeth. Perhaps they’ll give me some xanax or something. That’d be nice.
My pal Christine and I decided to do a duet class at the CF gym near here. It made me sad to leave my CF Mommy (Shannon) for the real-world but so be it. We all have to grow up or something. We went for our first class on Tuesday. EEEK! I realized what a baby I am. I whined my way through it. Christine said she couldn’t believe how scared I was because I am always so inspiring and positive. I said yeah, for emo stuff. When it comes to CF, I’m a chubby 8 year old who can’t keep up and is scared to death. I was actually embarrassed at how much I whined. The day will come, though, when I get through all of it and the 8 year old becomes more confident. (That day feels far away, though.)
Anyway, that’s all the updates you’re getting from me. (At least for today!)