What a spectacular birthday I had! Seriously.
I had TWO cakes, a fairy godmother to take me shopping (picked out the shoes and clothes AND pay for them! Holy Shit!), Duty and the dogs in party hats as I walked in the door and just tons of love.
I was happier than I’ve been in many a day (especially lately when the disgruntlement has been in high gear).
The celebration continues today with sekrit boyfriend show in Baltimore.
I’m glad he’s touring again (even if it’s with funky hair and a damn lumberjack beard – FFS, dude. You are GORGEOUS! Don’t hide the pretty!) and that Cousin O’Love is going with me. YEY!
Epiphany Time (and pardon the vagueness)
Have you ever held a memory close, hoping that it would come back and be real again?
Because that memory holds a part of who you were, a part of you that you don’t want to release?
The fear being that if you release the memory to the wind, the part of you that it holds also goes flitter-flutter into the same wind. That it will never ever be real (such as it was) again.
And yet, it’s time to *finally* let it go.
It’s just time. (Past time, really.)
I have to plain admit that to myself even though there’s a part of me that is sad about releasing it.
Because the epiphany is that I hold that part as long as I want.
Regardless of who or what shows up in my life (or doesn’t), that part always has belonged to me (no matter how I wanted to give it to another to hold).
It’s a bittersweet epiphany for lots of reasons that will remain in my heart.
The last step in dealing with grief is acceptance – and I’m standing at the doorway to acceptance.
What a long, strange trip it’s been, as the Grateful Dead would say. But lessons and teachers? Oh, they are everywhere along that road.
I’ve loved following your big birthday celebs both here and on FB. Esp the fan girl parts. Next time you talk to your Cookela (and there will be a next time!) you should tell him about your epiphany. There’s the start to a great, sad song there.