Wanna talk weird compulsions?
There are a few people I have “muted” on FB because they bring the drama like big dogs. Do I unfriend them? Nope! I keep them on there so I can check on the drama when I want. Then I roll my eyes (often back up into my head) at them.
As I was doing that just this very morning, I thought “why are you doing this?” Are you enjoying judging them? And if that’s the case, what is going on with you that you feel the need to judge them? (Because it’s really not about them, dear readers. It’s always about you. (Or, in this case, me.))
I am often thankful that Facebook was not around as I was navigating my 20s because I am sure (SURE, I tell you!) that I would have been those “let me document every single thought I have” kinds of people, writing vague yet snarky statuses for all the world to wonder at. And how someone older, perhaps wiser (perhaps not) would think “oh child, please stop embarrassing yourself like that” and still resist the urge to write me and tell me the “correct” way to do it.
Ever the Libra, I go back and forth on how I think I know better ways to conduct oneself on Facebook contrasted with the voice that says “shut up! Let them do what the hell they want on their page!”
There’s a judgy side to me that comes out when I rein myself in from trying to fix, save or otherwise take care of people. It’s like if I can’t save them, well, why not just make fun of them? That’s some fucked up shit right there, I’ll tell you.
Upside of all this navel-gazing? I’m conscious of my need to do it and bringing consciousness to these odd compulsions often brings clarity around why they’re done in the first place.
Downside? It’s possible I’m just speaking out my ass and I’ll continue doing this rather than acknowledge how much better I feel when I don’t go peeping on these people (who are, after all, living their lives the best way they can) and judging them.
Maybe I’ll challenge myself to NOT peep their pages and instead do a constructive thing (like, play game 3,984 of Farm Epic) or GASP! write a blog post on PI. Yeah, that might help. Or not. You’ll be the first to know.