(Waves hi to everyone!) I’m baaack!
What an amazing, transformative trip I had. Hence, the Parts One and Two (and maybe more, who knows?).
From start to finish, it was amazing and I came back a different person than I was when I left on Wednesday. Well, maybe not so much *different* as just more me. Me in a bigger way. The real High Priestess of the Woo** is here and she’s not retreating, not apologizing and definitely not hiding.
A shaman is a healer who moves into an altered state of consciousness to access a hidden reality in the spirit world for purposes of bringing back healing, power, and information. The word shaman comes from Siberia and means “one who sees in the dark” (the hidden realities), and widely refers to those who are medicine women/men, healers, and seers. Shamans believe that all problems, physical, emotional or mental, have their root cause in spiritual imbalance. A shaman works to restore balance and wholeness by addressing the root cause of the problem. Many methods are used in shamanic healing, including soul retrieval, retrieval of a spiritual ally, removal of unwanted energies, soul remembering, ancestral work, psychopomp (helping the deceased to cross over into the Light) and hands on healing. Shamans never work alone, but in conjunction with spiritual allies who guide them in providing what is needed for people. In my own practice I tell clients this is not my work, but rather Spirit working through me. My goal is always to be a clear and open channel for God’s healing, wisdom, and love to flow through me for the healing of the client.
I’m very familiar with the work of shamans, having studied many, many paths before mine opened up to me clearly. Paula is a natural. She resonates with the energy of the earth and the native ancestors. It was lovely to feel.
This is a long story so I shall do the TL;DR version:
During our session, it became clear that there was an energy attached to me that would not leave. The energy was not malevolent (as in a possession) but definitely NOT doing me any good. Turns out, it was my mom. She really, really did not want to leave. I get that.
My mom was always very attached to me, seeing me as an extension of herself (dare I say a better extension?) and was terrified that one day I’d just abandon her for good. (That boggled my mind always. She could be a pain in the ass (as any mom can be) but I loved her dearly and had no plans to abandon her ever.)
So, I had to “command” her to leave my energy or the healing couldn’t go forward. I did (thanking her for all the gifts and love and lessons) and we proceeded. While there were LOTS of other pieces I’ll explain eventually (or not, if I forget), this part was the most impactful although I didn’t see it until the last day of the retreat.
I have given up my fear of being seen in the world.
That is huge for me. I loved disappearing into the woodwork, trying to remain invisible so I wouldn’t be noticed or judged. (Weird for a chick who fancies herself the HPotW, right?)
“Let me not take up any space so my existence won’t bother you” has been the voice inside my head for a long time.
I am done with all that.
I’m here, I claim my work in a way I did not before and I no longer wish to hide. Whether that all belonged to my mother, parts of it her and parts of it me, I don’t know. Doesn’t matter. It’s gone.
In place of that came a confidence I don’t think I’ve ever had. I feel centered and strong.
And this truth-teller emerged, just saying what I think about stuff. I had not one but two “come to Jesus” talks with students yesterday about how they just fart around and don’t get anywhere. (I did say it nicer than that but that’s the crux of it.)
I’m done with bullshit and time wasters and energy leaks. I’m stepping out of two commitments I made that no longer fit and making sure I do it smoothly so as not to disrupt (much) the flow of their business. And I am revamping Level Two of my program to only hold space for those who are committed to doing intuitive work professionally. (I’ve created a different program for those who want to do it but without the expectations of a certification course.)
Shit has changed hardcore. I’ve changed hardcore.
There is no going back. And that’s a good thing, Martha.
(Part Two to follow)
* Archie = David Archuleta who came in second to the wonderful sekrit boyfriend and who is also a good Mormon boy from Utah.
** I will forever be indebted to the one person who saw this in me. Yes, it was said with a heavy dose of snark, but as soon as I heard it, I was all “Yep, that’s who I am at soul level”. He reminded me of it by being a willing guinea pig for all the woo I could pull out my ass even if he didn’t get it or believe it himself. In this and many other ways, he’s been a master teacher in my life and I honor that by owning this title in the biggest possible way.