What is it with husbands who like to be doomsayers? Both pal Christine and I are feeling the rain big time.
Sharing my dream, however nascent it may be, with Duty about the creative space (like what B-Hive in Bridgeport is doing) and man, he shot my ass down. Well, it seemed that way to me, anyway.
And it kind of sucked. It hurt, to be honest.
What I know to be true
He’s not a dreamer, he’s a pragmatist. I like that about him, mostly. It’s who he is.
I’m a tiny bit of a dreamer, a ‘what if?’ kind of chick. Lots of my what-ifs don’t come close to fruition but I do like to think about things and what could be. I lean into the future, he remains firmly planted in the now.
He says I want a ‘yes-man’ to agree with joy to all my fanciful dreams. That’s not true at all. If things aren’t do-able for whatever reason, I’m willing to hear that. My coaches tell me how it is all the time and I count on them for it. 
Maybe he doesn’t want me to be disappointed so small showers now avoid an avalanche of pain later? I dunno. But he spent some time telling me the 40 things I need to do in my business and why am I going off on this other tangent?
He says “You want to work from home so you don’t have to talk to people and then you want to create a space where you’ll be spending a lot of time with them. That makes no sense.”
Here’s the thing: I don’t like engaging with large groups of people or having a packed schedule. That is true in almost every case. What else is true is that working from home is isolating and lonely. Even for a chick who digs silence, it’s a bit much.
Having a space filled with glitter and fun people who are doing similar work feels light to me. It calls to me loudly. Is it feasible? Hell if I know. Does it intrigue me enough to move forward and look at spaces? Sure it does and why not? What is the harm?
I mentioned the 3rd leg of that triangle and I think that’s beginning to show up.
What kind of environment DOES feed me? It’s not an office one, that’s for damn sure. And it’s not all day, every day alone with two dogs.
I’m open to a new space where I can feel expansive and joyful and in that energy, work on/in my business. I don’t know what that looks like yet. But it would be nice if the person I share my life with would hold that vision with me instead of making me seek out other support for it.
Thankfully, Christine (who, as I said, is also getting an ENORMOUS amount of push-back on anything she tries to do to move forward with her work) and I are open and willing to see what the Universe shows us. Without judgment, without expectation.
Perhaps that’s the lesson – release the judgment around Duty’s (perceived) lack of support and just go forward with whatever is in my heart, knowing I have others to hold that vision with me.
Disclaimer: I know nothing about marriage.
I do know men, though. And men fix things. Whether this is genetic or programmed, I can’t say. But (and this goes for gays and straights, romantic partners and platonic pals) men don’t get venting. They don’t understand how important talking a problem through can be. Or how valuable it can be to hear yourself describe a situation because it helps you understand how you feel. That’s why God made girlfriends.
Tell a man what’s troubling you and he’ll give you a solution. If you don’t adopt his solution, but continue wrestling with the problem, he gets frustrated.
At least this is what I’ve learned over this past half century about those who stand when they pee.
Gal, yeah, that one I DO get. So I don’t usually vent without telling him I’m doing that first. It’s mostly this un-asked-for shitting on that’s annoying.
I am sure men are just as baffled by women as we are about them. :)