Living a life examined can be challenging

I’m not sure the title of this post makes sense but I know what I’m trying to say (even if you don’t). :)

Of all the things I’ve picked up and put back down in my life, my inner work has remained the one that I carry with me always. My passions wax and wane, one hundred percent or nothing, as my family likes to remind me. Either I’m all in or I’m out.

Truth.

When I think about the things I am most dedicated to doing, this one always shows up: working through my stuff to bring forth a better, bolder, more authentic me. For what reason, I don’t know. But it’s been this way all my life. The curiosity to know what’s going on underneath the surface, for myself and for others, the need to understand how things unfold and why – all there from pretty much day one, at least as I remember it.

They say that entrepreneurship is often a spiritual journey and I agree but I think (truly) all of life is a spiritual journey. If you choose it to be, anyway. How you work through the things that show up, what you’re open to receiving, who you call into your life – all of those things create the life you are living.

Deep thoughts (or not).

My Guide team is working diligently with my wonderful coach to help me navigate some deep stuff around betrayal lately. And not just the random betrayal that we all have but the “whoa! I totally didn’t see THAT coming” kind that knocks the wind out of your sails. The kind that makes you sad and mad and a host of other feelings that swirl around.

Vengeance is not a thing that resides in my energy. I don’t get that whole “you hurt me and now I’ll come after you” kind of thing. Maybe because I’m averse to conflict (and vengeance thrives on that) but what is the point? If someone has hurt me, I’ll say it and they’ll either hear it and act upon it or not. For me to go all “You killed my father and now you must DIE!” on them makes no sense to me. I’d rather just release it and move on.

So, when people use what I’ve shared in confidence to try to hurt me or others, it plain boggles my brain. Like, why would you do that? What do you gain outside of some smug satisfaction that you’ve wounded another? Perhaps that IS what they’re after. It must feed them on some level, I suppose. Still, I don’t get it at all.

Looking at the betrayals that have happened in my life, I see that I have gotten nudges and clues that this could happen but I CHOSE to ignore them, thinking “oh that person wouldn’t do that to me. We’re too close.” And that’s when I’ve been blindsided. This latest one shouldn’t have come as a surprise but it did and stung.

However, it’s the conduit for where I need to go in my inner work to unearth those places where I’ve chosen not to see what’s coming – both in this life and in other past lives. There’s a huge thread and a clue to something deep and hidden that now needs to be brought into the light and healed.

This is big work, so I hear from my Guides, and key to what’s coming next. They gave me a laundry list of things I need to do to prepare for what’s coming – animal and flower essences, gentleness with myself, more water, more water, more water. This wound is actually one of my most primal, soulful ones and you can’t just throw hot sauce into a gaping wound like that. (So my Guides say)

To the person who helped me into this work, I bow and say thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to go to this place so that I can move forward. You’ve been a catalyst in many ways and though we are no longer speaking, I honor the part of you that has held up your end of our soul contract. My human, sensitive self is left wondering what the heck is going on but the higher self says ‘thank you’ with enormous gratitude.