Dear Certain People:
Stop talking AT me! Seriously. Jeebus! Why don’t people have conversations anymore? Well, why don’t the people with whom I share my world have conversations? All I get are monologues. And I’m done. I really am.
I talk a lot. I always have (if you know me). But I’m self-aware enough that I do try to ask about the other person, what’s going on with them and really listen.
So when I go out and get talked AT by several people, it’s like a verbal slap in the face to me. One person – ONE PERSON – of SEVEN asked me about my trip. ONE. But I sure heard all about everyone else’s stuff in minute detail.
I just cannot. I can’t. It’s all I could do NOT to scream “Shut the fuck up! SHUT UP!”
Not really sure what to do with this. Being polite and talked at sucks. And it’s not even so much the ‘talking at’ part as the underlying “I don’t care about you enough to ask what’s going on.” part.
That’s really most of the issue.
When I was younger, I remember asking a couple of my friends what they wanted to be when they grew up. They both told me and then ….. radio silence. No one asked me back. Why I remember that so clearly, I don’t know, but it bothered me then and it bothers me now. (Yes, I know. Kids are notoriously self-centered. Still.)
I know most people don’t know what the hell I do with Practically Intuitive and don’t overly care. That’s fine. I get it. But a genuine ‘how are you?’ would be nice.
WHY AM I SO OBSESSED with this???
It just pinged my heart so much that I cried on the way home. I felt invisible. I felt ignored. I felt …. heartbroken.
The other day Duty and I went to dinner and at the table next to us was a family. Apparently, the grandparents of this family stopped by unexpectedly and boy, the three young girls at that table were SO HAPPY to see them. (It was sweet to see.)
It reminded me of how Lauren and I were always so happy to see each other and had to sit next to each other at the table. Maybe that’s a one-shot deal and I’ll never have that again but that doesn’t stop me from wishing someone saw me in that way (or in ANY way!) rather than a limp ‘hi’ and then act like I’m not even there.
Maybe all this serves to remind me that some people in my life will NEVER care overly about anything beyond themselves. Maybe I should stop expecting to be seen in that way and just accept this. Or tolerate it.
It still hurts this tender heart, though.
And I will always ask how someone is and truly want to know.
Ah, Lisa, I’d love to sit down for a chat and ask all about you! It’s way more interesting to hear what other people are doing (because I already know about my own mess!) It is RUDE though, isn’t it, to ask and get nothing in return. That sucks.
You’ve helped me put into perspective my own feelings after having a very similar experience with some old college girlfriends. We haven’t been all together in 20+ years and only one of them looked directly at me and asked how I was doing; the others were telling us about their kids and families in such detail, I obviously don’t have kids or a family to blather on about…. but, I get this!
Yeah, no kids here either so maybe that’s the bonding thing that I’m missing.
This has been something I’ve struggled with since February when it first came into my awareness. I think this is just another layer of it being peeled away.
It makes me sad.