So says the results of the colonoscopy! YEY! The worst part of it was hanging out in the waiting area, prepped and ready to go. For 30 minutes. Where I had to listen to chatter from the nursing station (that was okay) and random farting from people who had already been through the procedure. I think it was David Sedaris who called it ‘the farting room‘ in his tale of colonoscopy-land.
It wasn’t bad, per se, but I began to get all manner of scared over what they might find (cancer) and how I cannot go through that at all (it involves pain and lots of barfing) and and and …. see? I scare the (very little at this point) shit out of my own self. My angels rolled in as did Lauren and told me to cool my anxiety jets. (I did.)
The tech nurse and the anesthesiologist were super and really put me at ease. Once she pumped me full of propofol, I was OUT. Like, one minute awake, the next OUT. It was great.
The bloaty feeling afterward? Not great. Glad this is over with. Next time, though, I have to do better with my prep, said the doc. Fasting one whole day before the procedure and not the mere 24 hours I did (because I thought I read the directions correctly). I have to go back in 5 years (vice 10) to make sure nothing was missed. That’s okay. Better to know than not.
Why Lisa has the out-of-proportion heebie-jeebies re: any medical procedure
See, here’s the thing: as a child, I spent a lot of time in hospital waiting areas because my dad was often there as a patient. He was ill in one way or another as long as I can remember. It’s part of the reason I am terribly anxious when someone is vomiting because to me that equals ‘someone very sick, possibly dying’.
So I enter into any visit to the doctor with enormous trepidation. Like, off the scale size trepidation. It’s ridiculous, I know. Much of it has to do with icky body stuff, some of it to do with the ‘OMG, she’s dying’ stuff but there is a part that’s about having to deal with anything related to my body in a way that causes me embarrassment. (I imagine if I had birthed another actual human with all the attendant body ick that goes along with it, I’d be over this. But nope.)
For example, the aforementioned farting room created some moments of wee terror for ye olde Snarkela. I had to POD/POC my way through the anxiety that bubbled up (hah! get it?) over this happening in any sort of public setting. It is a rare occasion that anyone hears this, if I can possibly control it.
Also too: I don’t really want anyone poking around in my nether regions. (Who does? If you do, don’t answer, k?)
- Body stuff = ick, anxiety, fears of death and barfing (almost the same thing to me)
- Anesthesia is awesome
- Don’t make up your own rules for bowel prep
- Farting in public is unavoidable after this procedure but at least you can do it quietly (I did)
And there you have it, The Colonoscopy Diaries, Volume One.
No farting afterward for me, either. Though I had such an overwhelming craving for salt I demanded we stop in the hospital cafeteria for potato chips. And I made up my own prep, too, with awful results. (When will I learn that I don’t know better than everyone about everything?)
And now you’ve gone through it. So next time it will be that much easier. To borrow from Bill Murray, “so you got that going for you, which is nice.”
Huh, I did not have the farts after my colonoscopy. (Thankfully) And I got the all clear from mine, too. Although I have diverticulosis. And I had a “baby, benign polyp.”
So here’s to us!