Well, I wonder about a LOT of things and most of my time seems to be spent pondering things. Snippets of conversations roll around in my head all the time. Replaying this one or thinking ahead about that one. I have an entire life going on in that head that never even takes place in 3D. Sometimes that life is better but mostly, it’s just me torturing myself with what-ifs and then torturing myself because I’m drowning in those what-ifs.
Ah, clarity. I can haz you?
Anyway, lessons are bubbling up, as they always do. Even when you know it’s the best thing for you, some things are just hard. And they hurt because they stir up old wounds but I try to view it as that part is available now for healing.
Speaking what’s true for me is really challenging because I see all sides of all the sides. I know, bone deep, what the impact of words can be for certain people and I don’t use those words unwisely. That, though, makes it particularly hard to say what I feel. Maybe next lifetime I’ll be one of those people who just pops off at the mouth about whatever I think and everyone else be damned. (I know. That’s just not in my makeup this go-round.)
The lesson for today is this: If you don’t see your own worth and value in the world, others won’t see it either. If you constantly downplay who you BE and what you bring to a space, it will remain invisible to others. Not that you need anyone else’s approval to just BE you, but when you’re working side-by-side with someone, flying under the radar but holding space for them to fly, don’t be surprised if they don’t see you for all you BE.
Welcome to ‘yes, I’m being circumspect’ theatre. Enjoy the show.
First, I’m sorry you’re struggling. I know you’re confident that you’ll come out more enlightened on the other end, and you’ll never catch me pissing on enlightenment. BUT I care about you and I can’t help feeling bad that you’re struggling.
Second, I’m really surprised by how different Snarkypants Lisa is from Facebook Lisa. On social media, your persona is sharp elbows/take no prisoners/yo, fo shizzle. Snarkela is so much more sensitive, nowhere near as sure of all things you sound sure of on Facebook. I realize both can be part of your personality, but still, I feel privileged to be one of those who sees the more vulnerable Snarkster.
Thanks for your support and love, Gal. I always come out the other side but sometimes being in the middle is challenging.
What an interesting take on how I am on SM vs. here. I totally agree and was thinking after I read your comment about why that might be. I tend to look at this as more of a “Dear Diary” thing where I share things that *are* more tender. FB is more a place to practice my comedy stylings (hahah) and yip about stuff. As you note, ALL of it is me. Just different sides to different spaces. I’d have no problem with anyone reading what I write here or I wouldn’t put it online. Many don’t know of its existence and I’m okay with that, too.
I appreciate you. <3