I keep feeling these waves of sadness wash over me. I don’t think the sadness is mine but it’s possible, I suppose.
I felt it this morning and asked the Universe to return it to sender with love and consciousness and now it’s back again. I’ll be doing something, just working along and POOF! there it is. Just like a wave, ebbing in and out all day, every day.
It reminds me of how I felt a few days before Prince took his leave of the physical. I remember a deep melancholy that I knew without question wasn’t mine and there was no choice but to let it wash on through. My life changed in a profound way when P left. I wonder if this feeling is a portend of another shift.*
I feel myself moving away from the communities I’ve been in for many years as if I’ve learned what I needed and a new direction is showing up.
Things that I was fine with before Priestess Bootcamp now rub me the wrong way. It’s not a “I hate you” way, more of an “hmmm, what’s going on with this?” way.
Lots of shaking, shifting and growing happening.
It’s also a sign that I need to step away from politics more. I want to sit and cry when I look at what’s happening to our country. It’s been that way whenever I’m faced with gaslighting and I feel helpless. On one hand, I’m glad to see people awakening as much as they are and getting involved. On the other, it’s not happening fast enough and I feel like we are all slowly being boiled to death in that frog pot.
The only thing that’s making me happy these days are my Southern Sister books on Audible. When I think about writing a little cozy mystery book and then ask who cares about your dumb little stories, I remind myself that this book series almost single-handedly pull me out of the doldrums time after time. They are my go-to comfort space.
The last book that Anne George wrote in this series wraps things up and never made it to Audible (dammit!). I can’t bear for it to end so I have only made it through the first couple chapters.
With 45 in office for who knows how much longer, I might need to read it to myself and rock back and forth in the closet.
*(That one wasn’t bad. It was big, but not bad (for me, anyway. Not so much for Prince although he might disagree from his new space!).