Posts in category BitchLog

Interesting Point of view

September 16, 2015 Written by Lisa

One of the things they teach in Access Consciousness is stepping out of judgement. For yourself, for others. You can imagine how easy that is, right?

There are times (I know this will shock you) when I get all up in other people’s business. And by that I mean, I sit my butt on the couch and judge them for their choices and decisions. So loving.

When I catch myself doing this, I move into saying “Interesting point of view. I have that point of view.” – (an Access Consciousness tool) – and I say it over and over until the desire to wrap myself all up in their stuff dissipates.

Because I know that my judgement is not about them. It’s about me. It’s about whatever gets stirred up inside me that I’m tossing off on them.

Case in point: in a FB group I’m part of, the leader asked if people would like to do a Q&A with her once a week to sort of pick her brain.

One person in the group (who I have seen on the interwebs but don’t know personally) responded that yes, he’d like that and wanted an email sent to him with all the responses.

I went right to judgement on that. “Who asks for that? Like she’s offering to spend an hour of her time helping people and that’s not enough for you? You can’t be bothered to show up but want her to spend more of her time creating an email for you?”

Yes, I lost my shit. (I really did.)

So I posted what, at the time, I thought was a nice response but geez, my judgement was dripping off every word: “I think there’s a way you can get group notifications of conversations but maybe it would be worth your time to show up in the group for it.”

Nice, eh? (Seriously, that was as nice I was gonna get.)

He responded thusly: “I said I wanted an email.”

I had to get up and go outside so I didn’t call him a little bitch or worse. Holy shit, I was so triggered. And while he may not have been as nice as he could have been (nor was I, notably), my reaction was all out of proportion to the situation. I have no idea why other than asking (in an adamant way) for exactly what he wanted poked the part in me where I am unwilling to do that. I have been unwilling (in many places) to ask that clearly for what I wanted.

So, that was not at all about him and all about me not being willing to state what I wanted, whether I’d get it or not. Yowza. Had to do about 100 IPOV, IHTPOVs to dissipate the energy on it. The question becomes “Am I willing to be that clear and adamant?” and when I am, only THEN do I have choice. I don’t know that I’m willing yet. But I am perhaps closer than I was. (perhaps, she said, inching her way along the side of the wall toward it)

This “living a conscious life” shit is hard, yo!

Heading out west again

September 3, 2015 Written by Lisa

Yup Yup, back to the Land of David Archuleta again for a week of retreating, co-coaching and having fun with people. I always love staying in hotels because tubs so for me, these are like mini-vacations.

FREEDOM!

I’m away from the dogs and cat, having to now fix elaborate meals (Thanks, Blue Apron, for the help and I’m done with all the prep work. Can someone just deliver me the meals already done?) and my ass growing into this couch.

I need an energy shift STAT and maybe this will restart my meter. Lately, I feel like I’m yelling into the abyss.

On the happy news front: I passed my certification test for the Archetype Alignment Grid work with flying colors! WOOT! Now I can officially brand the materials and take them out into the world. So, yeah. Better get on that.

Business has been S L O W over the summer for lots of reasons and I’ve flip flopped all over the place with this whole new branding thing. Threw a bunch of money out the window for essentially not much and while I could spend time being pissed at myself, I’m just glad it wasn’t more money

(I stopped it at copywriting. I have such a distinctive online voice that I really can’t have anyone write for me. It just doesn’t work and comes off some weird amalgam of a different voices, none of them mine. Also too: I know how to do copywriting. Why am I paying a buttload of money for someone to do what I do halfway decently already?)

Anyway, so that’s what’s going on here.

Oh, and we might move not to Colorado or Seattle but about 35 minutes away in Easton. Duty has had no nibbles on new jobs (I think because he’s just been at this one like five months so new peeps are all “what’s up with that?”) and he actually likes it so we’re looking at this area in general. Easton is a nice community, near water, has the requisite stores (Starbucks and whatnot) that I can go to instead of being held captive by weekend parking lot traffic during the summer.

Seriously, you can’t go ANYWHERE just about from Friday at noon until Monday morning. It’s gotten really bad. Our main road is the ONLY way to the beaches and every summer it gets worse and worse. The access side roads for the locals to attempt to get around town are clogged with tourists thinking they’re smart and can get there faster. Yeah, no. Thanks for a 10 minute trip taking an hour or more on weekends, people.

(I’m very, very grumpy, can you tell?)

Also, here’s a picture of me and Lauren circa 1991 with some big ass hair. You’re welcome.

I wish I had stuff to say …

August 23, 2015 Written by Lisa

… but I don’t.

So, here’s some other stuff:

** I am sad to hear about Jimmy Carter’s health. He’s a great man, an under-rated President and an all-around mensch. I have enormous respect for him. I do hope his days are peaceful, whatever time he has left.

** I have no idea what the hell people are thinking when they “endorse” Donald Trump. I get that he’s saying things that a lot of people want to say and he’s doing it in a way that tells you he has zero fucks to give about what you think. However, the idea of him having the kind of power that the office of the President holds scares me to all hell and back. Having zero fucks about those in your care with the power to send them off to war (that might just happen to benefit your bottom line), to take away the only means of support they have and all manner of other things – I have no words for any of that. No words other than “Please, God. Let’s not let that happen, if at all possible.”

** The only person I feel has half a clue is (and has been for a LONG time) Bernie Sanders. He takes no money from outside sources, is concerned with the death of the middle class and all the money going to the 1% and the issues that are causing so many to lose their footing. If Hilary Clinton gets the nomination, I will support her. But she is not my choice, even if she’s positioned to be the first woman president.

Gosh, how did I go down this political avenue?

Veers back toward reality of some sort.

Can I complain about the insipid shit people post on FB? No?

Durn.

Can I say that sometimes people get wonky and it colors their perception?

What? I say that all the time?

I know. I, too, get wonky and have my perception colored black half the dag time.

See? Told you I had nuffin to say.

Might could I just stop talking then?

Yes.

The answer is: Fleh

August 18, 2015 Written by Lisa

What’s the question, though?

Don’t really have one. Here’s some stuff rolling around in my head because you need to know.

1. I have this weird thing that’s been a thread throughout my life and it’s something I am not proud of. Here it is: there have been times, in the course of some of my friendships, where somehow a switch gets thrown and POOF! I just don’t want to be friends any longer. Like, all of a sudden, I just stop wanting to be your friend and often I can’t pinpoint the moment it happens but when it does happen, I know it.

Yeah, so, I’ve got a situation like that and I’m not sure (yet) how to re-wire it so it doesn’t happen. Everything is a choice, this is what I believe. So, it’s within my control to change it. I don’t know that I want to, though. And in case you’re reading this, it’s not you because this person doesn’t even know about my blog which is why I’m sharing it.

2. All the energy and joy has gone out of Practically Intuitive. I’m in a space between PI and what’s to come and right now, it feels like I’m walking around in clothes I hate. But I still have to generate income – especially to pay for the branding ($$$) and for household income. These are the times I’d like the security of a day job so money comes in even when I feel especially de-motivated. This, too, shall pass.

3. I got my new branding stuff and a launch calendar and promptly went into overwhelm. I don’t have anyone to help manage the launch and the nice VA I am working with won’t be a help because she’s more about doing what I tell her I need doing rather than walking next to (or even ahead of) me. I need an ahead of me person to manage it for me. Person, can you find me somehow? Can I put out a call to the Universe for that person? (I needs halp and lots of it!)

So, there you have it. Grumpy, whiny and fleh.

General Blatherings

GrumpyAssButtHead

August 10, 2015 Written by Lisa

That’s me.

So here are some random pissy thoughts to brighten your day (since it’s not you having them):

1) My mom used to get bad headaches (now I wonder if they were migraines) and when I was a kid, mom sleeping in the middle of the day meant she wasn’t feeling well. When Duty falls asleep in front of the television (often), I get a strange combo of mad and sad. Right before his heart attacked him in 2010, I noticed he was exhausted ALL THE TIME. He also sleeps a lot when he’s unhappy although he’ll just tell you he’s tired. I get mad because I want to yell “Lazyass” when I take naps too so am I really yelling at myself and he’s my sleeping proxy? Am I worried that his heart issues are back? I don’t know. But when I hear him snoring over the sound of the television, it pisses me off.

2. I cannot stand this house one more second. Like, I’ve taken it and taken it and taken it and now, I want to scream. (I am just so damn fun, aren’t I?) I know I am putting a lot of pressure on Duty (maybe why he’s sleeping) but it feels like one more moment here and I will just flip out. My guides have told me to cool my jets, that all stuff for moving is in process and to start packing and clearing. Fine. I will. But that doesn’t make me feel any better in the moment.

3) I am lonely. (Still and again) There is nothing to do in this town at all. Just nothing. I have to travel over the damn bridge for everything and forget about doing that from Friday at 10am – Sunday evening. Damn tourists jacking up our roads (it’s gotten really bad in the past few years) so we can’t even use the side access roads without traffic snarls. I want friends and people to do stuff with. My only local friend is married to the biggest jackass around so we can’t even hang out at her house (which is lovely and right on the water) unless he’s not there.

Grrrrr.

Also too: it’s raining and Monday. Better, sunny days are on the way.

Shout out to Julie – hang in there. I’m here if you want to talk.

General Blatherings