Posts in category 30 Days of Honesty

If wishes were fishes …

November 7, 2010 Written by Lisa

30 Days of Honesty and we rock on with today’s question:

Day 05 â†’ Something you hope to do in your life.

Well, heck. There’s a lot of things I HOPE to do in my life: fit back into my size 10 jeans (hahahahahh), go on a cruise, write and publish a book, meet up with David Cook ~~in a dark hotel room~~ and not stutter this time, walk the Race for Hope in 2011 and on and on and on.

For today’s entry, though, I think I’ll write about this:

It is my most fervent desire to be able to leave my current day job and create a thriving and abundant intuitive coaching/reading practice. A practice where I get to work with really cool people who use what comes through me to bring about some positive shifts in their own lives.

I think I’m heading in the right direction!

If I had to choose a wish between the size 10 jeans and this, I’d choose this without one moment’s hesitation. It’s my soul’s longing. The jeans are a fantasy that I got to live out for a bit and might live out again but this? This is my true joy and calling.

Big big thanks to all who’ve left me such sweet comments on these entries. The Angel story was hard to write because it still stirs up so much stuff. I’m glad my dad was always my voice of reason. Perhaps this blind man truly “saw” the bigger picture, eh?

David Cook, Thirty Days of Honesty

To err, human

November 6, 2010 Written by Lisa

30 Days of Honesty rolls on. Today, Day 4:

Day 04 â†’ Something you have to forgive someone for.

Long story:

When I was just a year old, I was given a baby doll for Christmas. She was named Angel (and yes, my mom said I named her so you know I was hooked up to them early on.) and I pretty much went nowhere without her. Cousin O’Love really hated her and used to step on her head. (I could go Freudian on you about that but I digress.) Suffice to say that Angel and I were inseparable for much of my childhood.

When I was about ten years old, we got some new neighbors in the apartment next door – the new maintenance man, his wife and their two daughters. The mom was really young, as I recall. Maybe 18 or so and had two kids already. I used to babysit for her now and again and got to be friendly with them. I brought Angel over there so they could play with her. Something happened and the maintenance guy got fired and the family had to move and do it quickly so they packed up and left, almost in the middle of the night. Of course, Angel was packed up with them.

I did some investigative work (no idea how I did this since there was no Google at the time) and found the phone number of the couple, called the nice lady and asked for Angel back. She was sorry she took her and said she didn’t have a car but I could come pick her up and gave me her address. I ran in and told Mom who said “I’m not driving to that neighborhood. It’s not a safe place.” and that was that. Angel was gone.

As you can imagine, I was heartbroken. Cried and cried and cried to my dad. (Since he was blind, he couldn’t drive. Mom was the driver in the house.) He sat me down and said this: “Okay, so she has Angel now. That little girl doesn’t have much in her life and now she has a piece of you. Maybe that will help her somehow.” And that has stuck with me all these years (40 of them, actually). It really did make me feel better about losing Angel.

Years ago, before Mom died, I asked her why she didn’t go and get Angel. She said she couldn’t remember why and that she was sorry for not going. I didn’t want to forgive her then.

I will now.

Mom, I know you hear me when I say this: I understand that a lot was going on and I forgive you for not understanding what losing Angel truly meant to me.
I love you.

(Let’s hope Day 5 is cheerier! If I could scan in a picture of Angel, you’d laugh. She was just this dorky doll with no hair. But I loved her.)

30 Days of Honest, Angels, Lists and more lists

To forgive is divine

November 5, 2010 Written by Lisa

This one was tough, kids. I won’t lie. But it’s from the heart, so there’s that.

Day 03 â†’ Something you have to forgive yourself for.

There was a time in my life many years ago where I was very confused and made some decisions borne of enormous sadness. Some horrendous, some merely crappy. All in search of what I thought I needed. When really, what I needed was inside me all the time. Not somewhere out there.

Now, looking back at that time, I have a great deal of compassion for my then-self. I was so lost, so sad. But I found my way out and learned a lot in the process. So, I forgive myself for making decisions from a place of perceived emptiness. It took me years to understand that the answers were right here in front of me. (Yes, just call me Dorothy, wonâ€™t you? Or even Toto. I wonâ€™t mind.)

What can you forgive yourself for?

Troof and love

November 4, 2010 Written by Lisa

Thanks to those who jumped into the meme with both feet! I love reading your responses here – YEY for playing along.

Today is an easy one. They get progressively harder. Tomorrow’s gonna be a bitch.

Day 02 â†’ Something you love about yourself.

Hmm, something I love about myself, eh? I love that I find joy in the smallest things. If I see a bluebird fly by, or a baby smiles at me or I have a yummy punpkin spice latte – I can feel the joy all through my body. Thatâ€™s a neat thing to have. I think that goes with the easily amused part of my personality. It doesn’t take much to make me giggle.

As proof I offer dis:

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

So, what chu lubs about yourself?

Lists and more lists, LOLcat

30 Days of Honesty – Day 1

November 3, 2010 Written by Lisa

There’s a newish meme making its way around the blogosphere and since this here blog has been nuffin’ but baby pictures and whining, I thought I might try something of substance.

At least we start off with something easy for me:

Day 1:: Something you hate about yourself:

I can be a pissy little bitch when I want to be. In my head, I am like that a lot of the time. People are standing right where I want to be in a store, co-workers come and go as they please with no repercussions while I have to be at my desk promptly, chances are good I’m using the *wrong* dish towel for someone in the house – yes, that’s a litany of thoughts in my head just today. There’s more, of course. But you get the point.

A part of me is *never* satisfied no matter what. It’s too much or not enough. Had my birthday come and gone with nary a comment from anyone, I would have been sad. People make a big deal about it and damn near give me a parade at work and it’s too much.

It’s all part of my perpetual “Can’t Win” Theatre. Table for one always available in the corner.

Here’s the list for the 30 days – Gal? Wanna play?

BitchLog, Blah blah blah, General Blatherings