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Interesting

August 4, 2016 Written by Lisa

In the past month, two of my clients (one former, one current) have stepped into high dollar programs to help with their business.

Neither program is a fit for who they are as people nor is it a fit for where they are in their business (pretty much just a whiff of an idea).

I remember doing just that myself back in the day. Hiring this coach and that, in the hopes that they would give me just the right formula, procedures, guidelines and checklists to make it all come together perfectly into a six-figure success.

The hard won (and dollars lost) truth is that nothing like that ever really works. Sure, it might be a fix temporarily but you’ll see you’ve built a business you hate. (That happened to my former coach. She was making ‘six-figures’ but couldn’t get out of bed in the morning because she hated the life she created.)

The first client stepped hard-core into a guru-star program. “Do it exactly this way and you’ll be a raging success.” – considering she doesn’t even have a clear idea who she is and what she offers, I can’t see that happening. But she lusted after structure and rules and someone to say ‘you can’t fail if you do it my way’.

I so get that. I wanted someone to clear away all the noise that exists online and all the voices in my head that say “you don’t know what you’re doing and everyone else does and you will fail”.

Maybe she will make it work for her. She is an amazing dynamo who usually trusts her inner knowing and follows it, convention be damned. Of all the people for whom this kind of program wouldn’t work, it would be her. Thing is, the fear of not being able to do this (create a thriving business) kicks us all in the ass. And that’s how these big dollar programs call you in – through that fear.

Fear is primal. It gets you to move when nothing else will. It did for me, it did for her and for so many millions of others, in all kinds of ways, fear is the ultimate motivator.

So, I understand. And I also understand that it is part of her path at this point, as it was mine at another point. Since it’s not my place nor was I asked to give permission / opinions, as her friend, I only asked her to make sure her needs were addressed and to keep her self-authority and trust her inner knowing like she has for most of her life.

My (current) client found some online thing where they add your story to a compilation book to be published and help you market the book, etc. The marketing was all about being a published author, getting your story out there, all the opportunities that will open up for you as a published author and how it will bring you tens of thousands of clients and they help you build your site, blah blah blah.

BLECH!

Here’s why I blech: this lovely woman also doesn’t yet have a clear idea of who she is or what she does. She has desires and we are working on narrowing that down into a form that speaks to what she does to support others. But she is not in a space in her business to do this. At all.

This is what spoke to her: someone will help me build my site because it overwhelms me to do it. And that’s almost the same thing as my first client. Someone will take my hand and do this with/for me so I don’t have to deal with what comes up as I dig into it.

Again, I get it. (This is the challenge of being a 29 degree Libra – I see all sides of all the sides.)

As her coach / mentor, I’m not there to make decisions for her. Do I think it’s a monumentally bad idea? Yes. I think she’s thrown away $3000 on a pipe dream she can’t fulfill right now. And it will crash her into hard overwhelm and derail her in serious ways.

But my role is to support her decisions and walk with her on that path, as others have done for me along mine.

(I wish someone had spoken up but when I think back on it, they did and I chose not to listen. So, also a stubborn ass in pursuit of not feeling the fear channel that was playing 24/7 in my head)

One of the points of all this whining is that I see myself in these choices.

I see myself four years ago, scared that I didn’t have what it took to make this work. (I still wonder that, sometimes)

Scared that I didn’t trust my own self enough to figure it out.

Scared that I’d be seen as a failure somehow and if I stood under the wing of someone who did know exactly how to do it, I’d surely succeed.

Instead, I crashed and burned. Hard.

It taught me that I am not one who can live in a box very well. I don’t like people telling me it has to be done this certain way or you’re wrong. I don’t like hiding what it is I can really do so I can be more palatable to others. I’m not a glitzy, glamorous girl. I’m a casual chick who needs a ton of freedom, quiet, peace and joy. A six-figure business is not my dream. A business that helps others, allows me to bring out my wonderful skills and allows me to connect with people and oh yeah, make a profit too – that’s my speed.

So, a mirror is being held up to remind me of who I am. And where I was. And how I’m no longer there now.

General Blatherings, What's that about?

It’s a breakout year, I think!

April 12, 2016 Written by Lisa

2016 is turning into a year of one revelation on top of another. And I think I have finally found a way to bring all of me into everything I’m doing.

See, this has been an issue a good part of my life. Show this person part of you, that person a different part and a completely other part to everyone else. I think I’ve mentioned that there is ONE person (seriously) who has ever seen all of me and that’s my long-time pal Charlie. The older I’ve gotten, the more I felt I needed to tuck parts of me away. Parts I didn’t think others would like or feel comfortable with.
And while I’ve been doing that inner work to bring the pieces together for years, much of who I am has stayed in its own compartment out of fear. I didn’t know that I wanted to show it all or even how.

dare to be powerful Thanks to the Coherence Lab (plus all the inner work), I have FINALLY come to a place where I can not only make sense of all this but begin to allow the fear to wash away and allow love to take its place.

I know what my work here is focused on now much more clearly and am figuring out ways to take it out there in the world in a bigger way than before. And it’s all about what I’ve been seeking to do all these years.

Back in the day, when I was with an ex-boyfriend, I used to tell him “Just be who you are!” when he would pad his resume with things he had not accomplished. When you are fully you, people can see that and appreciate it.

That phrase has been running through my head over and over and over. It’s been the cornerstone of what I’ve been working on with my coach for many years. How to be fully who I am in this world? What would it take to remove the relative safety of those compartments and let people see all of me?

And voila! It seems to have come together with lightening speed since the great bronchitis debacle of 2015.

Spiritual practices I did in 2004-2005 have come back to me, sort of like they just floated back in. The piece about criminology and detective work swooped in and fell into place. And the key piece to my business (be who you are) got locked in (finally!) because I was ready to own it in my own life.

There are still so many other joyful things that have yet to be revealed but I feel like I’m showing up and being me (not parts of me). Snarkypants has always been one outlet but I do censor what I write here because sometimes I can think crappy things about people I love and it’s not something for public consumption. I realized, though, that I do have a lot that IS open to public consumption and that I’d like a wider audience.

So, that’s what I’m doing. I set up a public FB page (not a personal profile but one for me as a way to share more openly than my personal profile has) and you are welcome to check it out and see what’s what. I’m just getting started so mostly sharing deep thoughts, songs from my BIGNESS playlist and some other stuff. As time goes on, I’ll talk about the mystery novel I’m plotting, life as a profiler-wannabe and other stuff.

I’m even considering writing a story to post on Medium.com about how Making a Murderer led me back to my real self.

Who knows? But I finally feel that I am settling into the me-ness of ME. LOL and it’s all good.

(It dawned on me that, unlike other blogs I read, mine focuses on ME and my growing pains and sekrit boyfriends and whatnot. Thanks for reading all this time. Witnessing someone’s inner journey can be a tedious process so know that I appreciate those who check in now and again, leave comments and generally love me as I am.)

General Blatherings, Happy Stuff, True Fax, What's that about?

Tons o’catching up to do!

April 4, 2016 Written by Lisa

As usual, right? I’ll just use my FB statuses and augment as needed.

On meeting sekritboyfriend 2 (Dean Strang from “Making a Murderer” Saturday)

You know, here’s the thing: the first time I met #sekritboyfriend? 1 back in 2008, I did have a wee meltdown. Now, it’s just happy times but not melty times.

So, at least I know now that when meeting future #sekritboyfriends, first times are melty times. All the rest are cake. (I love that I can laugh at my 12 year old fangirl self. Otherwise, I’d be so so so embarrassed.)

It was an interesting and engaging discussion, they were candid and forthcoming about the case, answered a lot of questions and we had some good laughs. Funny to know that Dean had to sometimes restrain Jerry when the latter got into heavy “discussions” with Kratz. LOL #nerdfun #lawyerswithintegrityaremyjam

Augmentation: oh you guys, I totes embarrassed myself by blurting out “I just love you” to Dean. Like, my adult self was all “What are you saying?????” and my 12 year-old wanted to kiss his head like 47 times. Jeepers. Like I said, good thing I have a walloping sense of humor about myself; otherwise, I just wouldn’t bother going out of the house. (It was nice meeting him and Jerry. Admittedly, Jerry is the funner one, goofing with us on Twitter and all but there’s something about Dean I adore. He’s more my type, looks wise, so perhaps that’s part of it. Who knows?)

Oh! And how I got said backstage passes? Like I said, friends on the Twitters with Jerry and he messaged me and asked if I’d like backstage passes. Uh, yes??? He’s a sweetheart.

Oh! (part 2) one of the members of my entourage was the dude from Reddit who gave me a hard time about my woo abilities back a few months. Turns out, he’s really nice, apologized for said hard time and was actually pretty curious about things. A good time was had by all.

On becoming an author at some point in the nearish future

Book idea just showed up as Duty and I were talking. The Psychic Profiler series! (It’s a cozy mystery, fyi). It involves me (of course), and a wiener mobile, a portal in a neighbor’s garage, said neighbor (you all know who) and solving crimes no one else can. heheheh

Might have to add in special appearances by #sekritboyfriends 1&2!

I am so tickled by this! Even just planning it out makes me happy.

#findsherowselffunny #musingsofadork

Augmentation: This showed up because every time I mentioned my profiling studies to Duty, I’d add “She’s a psychic profiler! Dun Dun Dun!” and then the proverbial light bulb went on over my head and a book appeared! This is the perfect genre for me: fiction, funny, not mired in forensic details but more about character development.

“The crime-solver in a cozy mystery is usually a woman who is an amateur sleuth. Almost always, she has a college degree, whether she is using it or not. Her education and life’s experiences have provided her with certain skills that she will utilize in order to solve all the crimes that are “thrown her way.” The cozy mystery heroine is usually a very intuitive, bright woman. The occupations of the amateur sleuths are very diverse: caterer, bed and breakfast owner, quilter, cat fancier/owner, nun, gardener, librarian, book store owner, herbalist, florist, dog trainer, homemaker, teacher, needlepoint store owner, etc. These are just a few examples of what the amateur sleuth does…. When she’s not solving crimes, that is!”

Me, right? LOL (well, a me that lives in my head!) I’ve got chapter one written and have to learn to take constructive criticism because Duty, who has never once read a cozy mystery, said it’s too short. Feh. Anyway, I’ll keep on going and, of course, circle back to edit. Perhaps Gal and Kwiz, who are very knowledgeable in said genre will give me honest feedback at some point?

That’s some of the big haps – still going to the gym and seeing my mother’s upper arms in the pictures with #sekritboyfriend2 gave me so much pause and reinforced my desire (which has shown up big time) to do something about this weight NOW because this is not where I want to be and how I wish to show up.

(Also, Duty’s doc suggested a heart-healthy low-carb, higher protein diet and he’s gonna hard core it and see how it changes his triglycerides so I’m all in not only to support him but for me. My body is happier when I am eating fewer carbs (my inner child is the one throwing tantrums) so I’m right beside him on this.)

More about coherence and other stuff soon. And it’s big big stuff so I’ll be back to share.

(Coherence as defined by the program I’m in is this: All of you pointed in the same direction. Meaning, no compartments, aligned and showing up as who you are in every space you’re in. This has been work I’ve been doing for years and it’s just coming together now. Life-changing. And scary.)

Happy Stuff, Secretly 12 years old, True Fax

sekritboyfriend

All that isn’t aligned must fall away

December 10, 2015 Written by Lisa

In Access Consciousness, there’s a question (well, there’s only questions in AC!) that goes “Is this the change I’ve been asking for?” Meaning, if you’ve set your intention to do XYZ, and stuff happens that feels scary or weird as you align yourself more and more to your intention, then perhaps THAT is the change you’ve been asking for, just delivered in a way that isn’t what you envisioned.

let it go Angella and I had a long talk yesterday and we both said what needed to be said – that being the lead coach in her program isn’t working out how we envisioned. For me (and my business) and really, for her as well.

Truth is, she doesn’t need a lead coach. She’s got it covered really well. And the other piece is that we are very similar in how we do things that there’s no complement there and my contributions aren’t shining the way they might in a different setting.

And it’s impacted my business in a huge way. Like this ($$$) kind of way. Once again, I’ve energetically left my own space, this time in support of someone else’s business. Because it’s my fucking comfort zone. It’s where I hide and it’s where I am safe under someone else’s wing.

In this case, it was Angella’s wing. And if I want to create my own business that’s solid, I have to get out of that space of safety. Otherwise, I may as well chuck it all and go back to the safety of corporate, right?

This was the right move, of that I am sure. But it stirred up so much shit! Oh my God. Stuff like “I suck and am not valuable in that group” (not true at all) and “You can’t do this on your own, Lisa” (not true at all) – those gremlins were waiting there in the dark to pounce and I just had to POD/POC* my way through the noise to find what is true.

Duty says (and continues to say) that he doesn’t care if I’m making money with PI and that as long as I’m happy, it’s good. But I care. This year was the first year I saw a net loss on the business and at this rate, it’s a friggin’ hobby and not a real business. That doesn’t make me happy, as you can imagine.

So, onward.

*POD/POC is the shorthand way of talking about the AC Clearing Statement. I continue to be amazed at how working through questions and clearing the junk in the way really makes a difference. It’s all energy, yo.

High Drama, True Fax

Back to this again?

September 24, 2015 Written by Lisa

I shared this post in a Facebook group I run and it occurred to me that I should also put it here so I can look back on it and realize how far I’ve come from this point of view. (Bold print are my thoughts that I didn’t share elsewhere.)

(I know all my recent posts have been shitty and sad. Sorry. Please to come back when this period has passed.)

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One of the things I struggle with is receiving. I am good at knowing what someone else needs but damn if I’ll put out what I need except to a therapist or a coach. I rarely tell anyone what’s going on deep down with me. (I think the idea that I’m paying them allows me to feel like I can be real. Oy! That’s an interesting point of view, eh?) —> this is worthy of deeper introspection, I think. I had no conscious idea this was true until I wrote it. This may be why I love therapists and coaches. A friend at ye olde place of employ always called her therapist “Paid Mommy” and maybe that’s what it is. Hmm.

This came out recently when my husband wanted to buy me a lovely ring for our anniversary and took me to a shop and said “Find the one you like and don’t look at the price.” I could not do it. (Yes, I peeped the price of the one I wanted and just about had a heart attack.) All told, the ring I liked would end up being about $6000. And I could not say yes. Even though hubs said he put money away for this, I could not say yes.

Looking at this, I came upon all kinds of interesting feelings – I don’t deserve that, I’m not the kind of person to sport a flashy ring, it’s too much money, and on and on. It churned up so much gunk that it took me about 2 weeks to even be willing to look at it beyond noticing the fact that I couldn’t receive it.

Where else was I saying NO to something I wanted? Where else was I thinking I was saying YES but mostly it was a “I don’t believe that can really happen for me”?

Don’t think for a second that an inability to truly receive doesn’t affect your business because it totally does. Your point of view creates your reality. If I am attached to being the kind of person who doesn’t sport expensive jewelry, then that is what my reality will be.

(Would I like nice jewelry? Yes, I would but when it came down to it, I got scared. (OF WHAT???? Right?). Here’s what I realized as I wrote this – I love it if I don’t have to say YES to it. Meaning, if it’s a gift, I love it. If I had no choice about the decision, I’ll have that. The friend I wrote about above had tons and tons of money and loved spending it on people. She gave me all the beautiful jewelry I own and I can name every piece. I received it with enormous gratitude that she picked something special out for me and that I didn’t have to make a decision. When she took me clothes shopping 3 years ago and bought me close to a $1000 wardrobe, I could only accept it because she overrode my protestations. See? No choice had to be made on my part.

I say all this to ask you where you might not be open to receiving in your life / business. Are you willing to receive ALL of it? The money, the adulation, the contributions? If not, why not? If yes, how can you expand that to an even greater extent? And this means accepting the judgement, too. I think I’ve mentioned this elsewhere or maybe here but when you accept the judgement, you’re not saying you agree with it. But you are willing to be you and accept that people will judge you for their own reasons that have almost nothing to do with you. I’m working on the latter part but it’s hard.

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Blah blah blah, General Blatherings