The version of this Oasis song by Ryan Adams is my favorite (not like there’ve been a bunch of covers. Still.) because it’s trippy and haunting at the same time.
And for some odd reason, it reminds me of Lauren.
“And all the roads we have to walk were winding, and all the lights that lead the way are blinding …”
I learned the hardest way possible that you cannot walk someone else’s journey for them no matter how much you want to. I prayed and prayed and prayed that I would be allowed to carry this for her and let her be the one to have a long life. And time and again, I was told by my Guides and Teachers that this was a choice made by her soul for purposes that are not mine to know. My part was to walk that path with her and I did that in the best way I knew how.
“There are many things I’d like to say to you but I don’t know how ….”
One of the many, many blessings among her journey with cancer is that there was time to say everything I wanted to say. She knew, without question, how very much I loved her and what she meant to me. She knew. She always just knew. From the moment she was born, we just had this bond that I’ve never had with anyone else. There was nothing but love there, always.
“And maybe, you’re gonna be the one to save me ….”
I can’t even explain it but this line always chokes me up. She’s not my savior nor do I desire saving but … still. There’s an element of truth to this that I haven’t yet unpacked.
“And after all, you’re my wonderwall ….”
Because I like to know stuff, I looked up the definition of the word ‘wonderwall’ (here it is for your edification):
“According to Noel Gallagher (songwriter), the song describes “an imaginary friend who’s gonna come and save you from yourself “. And since the only ‘you’ in the song goes on to become the ‘Wonderwall‘, it must refer to something/someone who will always be there for you, and well, save you.
I don’t think I needed saving but since hers was the first voice I heard from the great beyond, I think she was instrumental in helping me on my path. So maybe she ‘saved’ me from a life forever in financial services? :)
This is one of those songs I can dive into and get lost. The words and music have deep, deep resonance for me and I can swim in it all day long.
Do you have a song like that?
(Gal, I know you do. My guess is Stoney End and Tears Dry on Their Own?)