Posts in category Seminary

Facelift!

July 20, 2009 Written by Lisa

Not for me, personally, unfortunately. For the blog, darlink! It’s been two years now since I debuted this design and I love the colors and the header but the body needs some lifting (not unlike mine, alas!). I contacted super wonderful blog designer Leanne Wildermuth to see what she could do. I zipped around her portfolio to see if I could find something more in line with what I was thinking and sure enough I did – right here in Petroville!

I like the sidebars where she has all her Twitter and Facebook info and other fun things. I won’t be having advertising (because, seriously, who would pay to advertise on pages that have all of three readers? Not that I don’t love all three of you, of course! Still.) but will find other fun things to put on there. It was time.

(Edited to add for The Gal: the header will stay the same (cats, coffee, books = me) – just the stuff underneath that will look different. No worries!)

Leanne says it will be done by the end of the week so don’t be surprised if you pop on one day and it looks somehow the same and different all at once! :-)

In other news, I’ve decided to dedicate an hour each evening to doing my seminary work. Even if I sit and doodle and nothing of any import comes out, it will be a start. Here’s what I am dragging my feet on:

1. Eight page paper on some aspect of the death/dying process – I’ve decided to do it on relationships as rebirth and talk about the theme “With every goodbye you learn”. (I’ve dragged my heels on this for almost two years, people. It was only after Counseling week that I was ready to tackle it.)

2. Write a one page book review of the last Vera Stanley Alder book. ONE PAGE, friends. ONE FRICKING PAGE. If she asked me to write a blog post about it, I probably could do that easily.

3. A one-page reaction paper on the following books:
* Ancient Wisdom; Modern Insight – (my review? This book sucked. I hated it.)
* The Astral Body – (Bought it – haven’t read it. Looks intimidating)
* Bridge to Superconsciousness – (Bought it ($30!) and it’s got lots of good stuff in it. I read bits at a time.

4. A two-page written response on the series Adventures in Awareness, Series 1 – (I listened to the tapes in 2006 while driving back and forth to see my mom in the hospital. Good info. have forgotten it all. Now have to go back and listen again. And it’s on cassette tape! I don’t even have a car with a tape player any more! AACK!)

5. Project: A brief paper (6-8 pages) that discusses the information presented in A. E. Powell’s The Astral Body with regard to intuitive development/intuitive readings. (Suppose I should start reading the book, eh?)

So, you can see why I need to get my ass in gear. If I can sit here surfing LOLcat sites for an hour, surely I can be doing something toward my Seminary work. Discipline is NOT my middle name. It’s Mary.

Happy Stuff

Tulsa Ponderings

June 21, 2009 Written by Lisa

Hello kids,

I am stuck here at the Tulsa OK airport for more time than I planned (*way* more) so I am availing myself of the fabulous wireless here to do a post. I won’t get home until about 9pm (whee) and I know I won’t feel like writing then so may as well do it now.

This was an amazingly transformative week. And how does one quantify transformation? I don’t know. The only way I can state it is this: I grew up. The scared, invisible child I have been letting drive (sans a driver’s license, yet!) now rides comfortably as a passenger and I took the wheel. How did that happen? It was really a culmination of lots of things but mostly I’d say it had to do with conquering the fear that kept me from living in my body. Sounds so abstract, doesn’t it? I know. Sorry. Without going into much detail about the actual event that occurred, I can say that while someone was doing her own work in group, I could feel the need to want to just *vanish* and leave my body. I kept saying (in my head) “I have to go. I have to go.” But I managed to stay right with it, talk to the fear and say “See what happens if you stay.” It was not bad. In fact, I saw that getting past the fear was the hard part. Being in my body was okay, comparatively.

There were lots of other breakthroughs, of course. That was one of the biggest and most profound ones. How all this integrates will show up in time. For now, I consider it an accomplished week – met and exceeded my goals. For me, that’s a HUGE win.

My internets time is running out so I shall stop here for now. Wish me luck on my travels! :)

General Blatherings

No worries, really.

June 18, 2009 Written by Lisa

Gentle Reader #2.5 (aka: Jody) writes in response to my last post:

I dunnoâ€¦.interestingâ€¦.not sure I agree with ANYTHING that is quite so challenging. Donâ€™t really like the sound of this, I have to confess.

Worry not, dear one! It is all good here even if I am beyond emotionally spent. This is like counseling boot camp but the people are much nicer. Just an ENORMOUS amount of internal work being done. I was in the place to do that work so it’s perfect timing, of course.

My good friend and fellow woo-sister PattyMac gave me a beautiful pashmina scarf in this amazing shade of aqua saying that it had my name on it. It’s been sitting on my bureau at home awaiting just the right opportunity to shine. I wear it here during morning meditation and also during the day if I get a little chilly. Today, one of my fellow classmates commented that I am firmly in my body when I wear that scarf. Interesting, no? I wonder what that’s about. I’ve been told that should be on my tombstone:

Here lies Lisa always wondering “What’s that about?”.

Also had a very interesting group experience and I wish I could write about it but I just don’t have the language to do it now. This may not be the place to talk about it, either. A bit too deep for snark, I think. This whole week has been too deep for snark hence the comments about the Lambertian hairdos at Walmart. But it’s been great fun because of the people. Some are serious, some are silly, all (like me) are just regular peeps here to learn and grow.

I was given a song this morning while in meditation. It has meaning on a couple levels for me but I was led to believe that it’s Spirit talking to me. So, I try to open my heart to the Universe and trust. (And if you want to open your heart to me, know that I will hold the contents with love and gentleness.)

(Tshirt design from this lovely site.)

Open Your Heart

I see you on the street and you walk on by
You make me wanna hang my head down and cry
If you gave me half a chance you’d see
My desire burning inside of me
But you choose to look the other way
I’ve had to work much harder than this
For something I want don’t try to resist me

Open your heart to me, baby
I hold the lock and you hold the key
Open your heart to me, darlin’
I’ll give you love if you, you turn the key

I think that you’re afraid to look in my eyes
You look a little sad boy, I wonder why
I follow you around but you can’t see
You’re too wrapped up in yourself to notice
So you choose to look the other way
Well, I’ve got something to say
Don’t try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying, you’ve got to

Open your heart with the key
One is such a lonely number

Ah, ah, ah, ah
Open your heart, I’ll make you love me
It’s not that hard, if you just turn the key

Don’t try to run I can keep up with you
Nothing can stop me from trying, you’ve got to

Open your heart with the key

Open your heart, I’ll make you love me
It’s not that hard, if you just turn the key

General Blatherings

Halfway there

June 17, 2009 Written by Lisa

Hi Three peeps! I know my last post was less than stellar in the fun department and I can’t say this one will be totally awesome but we did have an interesting and less lecture filled day.

The good:
1. I woke up (sort of) on time and made it to meditation (YEY!)
2. We had grilled cheese sammiches for lunch
3. I confessed love for sekrit tv boyfriend (to a group of strangers, yet.)
4. We did some cool family dynamic stuff that was really enlightening and moving. I got to play the part of “lost child” and did so as if I had been living it most of my life.
5. A nice woman told me she thinks I will make a most wonderful minister. (Just out of the blue, she told me that!)

The bad:
1. Weird dreams (again)
2. Skipped out on one session because I just had enough of talking for the day plus the drama work we did earlier sorta drained me emotionally
3. The hairdos I saw at the Tahlequah Walmart. There was one dude there who had his hair all done up like Adam Lambert (please do yourself a favor and click MORE (below) so you can see what style of AL’s hair this dude was sporting in fucking Walmart.)
4. I miss my king size bed on which I sleep diagonally. (They have wee twin beds here.)
5. I’m getting a bit worn down.

The not-so-bad but not-that-good:
1. Being vulnerable in group. That was hard. I picked something I could stand to open up about but it was still hard.
2. My tummy isn’t too happy here for some reason. It’s not upset but it lets me know that something is awry. (I shan’t go into details here.)
3. Internet connectivity is spotty but enough for me to pop on, write a post and check email. I suppose it could be worse.
4. The Dean has been off the mountain taking care of some medical issues and I’m glad she got to rest but her absence is felt by us all. Our class got together and sent her some flowers because she is such an integral force to the work done here and we wanted her to know we miss her.
5. This was not quite the vacation I wanted. I’m glad to be here, but I think I need some time by a beach with a book and an adult beverage.

So, all is well, I am tired but okay and walking slowly toward the end of the week. I wonder if I will need a “vacation” from my “vacation”?

General Blatherings

Less exhausted

June 16, 2009 Written by Lisa

… which is good. However, this morning I was having some convoluted dreams about all kinds of things and overslept, missing meditation for the first time ever. I was too out of it to overly care, though.

Managed to stay in my own body during group counseling this afternoon – not sure how, maybe by breathing and doing this pinchy thing with my fingers. Who knows? But I did. I also admitted to the group that I was terrified of confronting anger and the thought if it caused me to contemplate leaving. I didn’t go into anything more than that but I considered it a win that I openly admitted it. There are very few I tell my secrets to and admitting stuff to a group (even one as safe and supportive as this) scares me to death.

Make me fall for you
As if I had nothing else to do
How could you make me?
Let me hold you true to everything I thought I knew
How could you make me?
~

General Blatherings