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People at work have remarked how happy and joyful I am every day now and I can’t disagree.
It’s like I’ve been given a reprieve from a death sentence (dramatic much, Lisa?) but I really feel a sense of *release* and excitement. Yes, I’m scared as all hell, if truth be known. I’ve whined about wanting this for so long while having a cushy safety net. Now, the Universe has helped remove that net and said “go fly”!
I had to change how I write my podcasts – instead of telling people HOW to do this stuff, I have to talk about WHY they’d want to do it because the HOW of it is what I’m paid to teach. Usually my podcasts come flowing out with very little editing. Writing in a different style really choked that flow up! But I did it and sure enough, when the email went out to everyone with the podcast, I received emails that two people had paid for appointments (at the new higher (double!!) fee!).
That’s the Universe’s way of saying “You did good, girl!”
(Andrea always says note what you’re doing when the money showed up because it means you’re aligned with your intention.)
So, changing things up a bit. And I am almost free.
Monday March 5th is the sixth anniversary of Lauren’s transition to the other side and in honor of her journey, I am sharing the speech I gave at the UVA Relay for Life event in 2006.
They honored her spirit and her sweetness and I was touched to be asked to speak at this event.
What follows is from so deep in my heart that it took all my courage and willpower to get through it so soon after she left us.
(Yeah, I didn’t make it through without tears, of course. It IS me, after all!)
It was my good fortune to have been Lauren’s godmother. Not only was she my most beloved godchild, she was also one of my best friends. We shared a passion for the written word, inside jokes from our favorite british comedian, warm crusty bread slathered in butter and the odd compulsion to sit next to each other at family gatherings.
Lauren was a child born not of my body but of my soul. And it was through this special relationship that I learned how to love with all my heart.
Her inner light and joy, undaunted by this horrific disease, carried not only her through it but us as well. In her eyes, I saw the courage of all who battle cancer – facing an unknown future. And time and again, I stood in awe of it.
I believe we come into this world with special gifts – things that make us who we are. Lauren’s gift was to quietly inspire people to live what they believe. She “walked her talk” and was without pretension or mask. You just felt good around her.
She was not one to draw attention to herself and while I could go on for hours about what a wonderful person she was, I’m sure she would rather I make a different point. So I will.
We are all connected to each other in this world. Connected in ways we may never know. The love and kindness you show others has a ripple effect. Taking part in this event, donating time and money and positive energy is a wonderful way to honor those whom we love. Continue to radiate that love and joy outward even after today. You will have made a difference, I promise.
Tonight, I honor Lauren and my mother-in-law Irene. Their spirit remains with us always. I honor those who care for their loved ones on their path to healing, especially my cousin Mary and her husband Steve, Lauren’s parents, who were with her every single step of the way.
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
We love you, Lauren.
Always and forever, I love you.
…. what’s that saying “Be careful what you wish for?”
Yes. I shall.
Because I see now just how powerful a manifestor I am.
So powerful, that I’ve manifested myself out of the day job effective March 23rd! And I even manifested extra money (in the form of severance pay and some extras) to help make it easier. No resistance from Duty (since it was out of my hands!) – just lots of love and acceptance.
Getting laid off feels odd – have only had it happen once before when companies reorganized and even then it just felt like “We don’t want you anymore” even though I know that’s not the case then nor is it now. In this case, two offices are being combined and something happened to make the woman who has the job there want the job here (i.e.: my job) and since only one of us can be it and she’s got seniority, I get to go.
And it’s a true blessing because for at least the past week, I’ve been dragging my feet more than usual having to be there. Every morning I’d think “I cannot do this one. more. day” and now I won’t have to. I’m sad right now because I will miss my friends there but when I walk through the sadness, there will be enormous joy because I’m free now to create the business I want. No more getting in my own way or getting cold feet. You all know how long in then making this has been and it’s all playing out as it needs to.
So long to BrokerBoy and Mini-me, idiot callers on the phone, having to greet people and talk about the weather and much more. My last day is March 22nd (but the Uni has arranged to have me paid through April 30!) so it’s smooth sailing for me.
Let this be notice to you, though – if something is meant to be, it’s gonna be whether you put it into play or “fate” does. So, align your thoughts to what you want. Or not. And watch what happens!
I have had very few friendships like that in my life. Really, I can count them on one finger. (Addison, that means you!)
Anni came into my life as a client last year and stepped up to help me with my PI newsletter. We bartered sessions for website work and ideas and all kinds of things. It was truly a win/win for us both. And in the process of all that, we became best friends. Not a day goes by that we don’t touch base – usually by sharing these voice memos that we sent to each other called “Gorky Grams”. (Why Gorky? Because every time we went to write “Hey Girly” on our iPad, it spell-checked it as “Gorky” which is barely even a word but whatever.)
We blather on for a long time about our day and whatever happened (or didn’t), recipes she’s tried (she eats some interesting food, yo!) and often discuss PI business. Mostly, though, I think it’s so that we can feel like we’re in each other’s energy because that kind of friendship feeds my soul and I think it’s that way for her, too.
She is my biggest cheerleader, my partner-in-crime (good thing we don’t live near each other!) and someone who can hold the high vibration for me when I fall off the ledge every once in a while. I would be so lost without her love and friendship and I feel beyond blessed every single day that she came into my life.
So, this is my tribute to my best friend, Anni. Whether we’re “Trollin’ in the deep”, talking to beings on other planets, chillin’ with Sister Gracie or whining about certain idiot brokers and their minions, we always have fun.
Love you to the moon and back.
And so it begins, baybees. I’ve agreed to work in depth with my fabulous teacher and mentor Andrea Hess to bring Practically Intuitive to the next level so I can leave the day job. (EEEEK!!)
Here’s the thing: if you choose to work with Andrea, you are choosing change, a big ass boot out of your comfort zone and results. I am making that conscious choice. (Hear that, Universe?)
So far, just making the decision has stirred up a lot of stuff – much of it about me stepping into my personal power and Duty having some small issues with that. I think some of it is because he doesn’t like what he does for a living and neither did I, so in that sense we were a vibrational match.
With my decision to step things up a level, we’ve become a vibrational mis-match because I’ll be doing what brings me enormous joy on a full-time basis. I’d like to be able to create enough joy for us both but that’s not my work to do.
Welcome Dissonance! I knew you’d show up! Wailing and gnashing of teeth are always such a treat!
There is no going back. I cannot continue to be the desk cog I’ve been for thirty years. I just can’t. So, I decided to engage Andrea’s services to move to the next level and let the Universe know in a big way that I’m ready (again) to go through that door.
Duty will support me as best he can. He always does. It doesn’t always look like what I consider support but I know he gives it with his heart. We’re together for some reason I’m not entirely sure about but who am I to argue with the Universe, eh? :)
The fun starts Monday and I’ll be rocking and rolling to step up my income so that I can leave the day job and jump into this – feets and all. Wish me luck!
And now, for a change of pace, here’s something sort of meme-y but not. Kipped from here via Melody at Deliberate Receiving.
1. What is your dream job?
I think I’m getting close to finding out! Right now, I see it as teaching classes on intuitive skills, doing readings for people and feeling like I am doing the work of my soul. So, let’s say I’m on that right path more than I ever have been before. YEY for me!
2. What fulfils you?
Goodness, let me think. What really fills me up is when I’ve been part of someone’s personal growth in a way that has made a difference to them. When I am bringing through my highest and best self and it’s in service to another, then I feel like “YES! This is what I’m here for!”
3. What’s your greatest fear?
Looking like a big fool. Like everyone is laughing at me and I’m walking around thinking they are my friends. (Yes, this actually happened in college and it devastated me. I don’t know what I did to bring that on or why it all happened but it felt really, really bad.)
4. What do you want more of in life?
Peace. Teaching. Joy! Laughter. Cash money. Time to create (whatever). Snuggling and loves. Friends. Clients!
5. What is your greatest accomplishment?
Hmm, I have a couple, actually:
1) Passing the Series 7 (Third time’s the charm!)
2) Gastric Bypass surgery – I got to know for once in my life what it felt like to be thin. It was pretty magical, to be honest. Just shopping in regular person’s sizes was as good a high as I’d ever had.
Oh, and 3) Creating Practically Intuitive and growing a business all on my own. (okay, I had some help from a special Gorky!)
6. What are you ashamed of?
Things I can admit to:
1) my teeth – dammit! Why didn’t I get braces??? (Can’t blame mom for that – she tried!)
2) my recurring chubs that I will probably fight until the end of my days
3) things I have done in desperation (no, not naming them)
4) just how mean I was to my mom.
7. What makes you sad?
1) Sick pets (and wounded animals in general)
2) the fact that I don’t often speak my mind (surprise! It’s true. I hold back a lot even from Duty)
3) certain situations in my life that are unable to be changed for reasons I’m not divulging
4) that Lauren isn’t here with us in the physical
8. What’s the hardest thing you’ve experienced?
1) Losing ones I love has always been hard but the two that stand out for me are my dad’s death and Lauren’s. I was 14 when my dad died and while I was glad he was out of pain, I missed him. And Mom took it especially hard. Feeling her stuff and mine really weighed me down. I almost collapsed under it some days.
2) And, of course, I’ve written extensively on this here blog what I was going through when we walked Lauren’s path with her. That was probably even harder than losing my dad because she represented not only a loving close friendship but the child I couldn’t have. Took me many years before I could even work my way through the sadness. (Even now, I’m crying as I write this. I don’t think I will *EVER* stop missing her.)
9. What’s great about you?
I can be both dorky and wise all in the same moment. And I’m about as down-to-earth as one chick who talks to Angels can be.
10. Who are you?
The High Priestess of the Woo-Woo (thank you, FB0033 for coining that term. It’s one I adore and wear proudly!)
11. What/Who inspires you?
Authenticity. Kindness. Dorkiness. My sweet Cousin O’Love for being an amazing woman. LucieCat for hanging on for 20 years and still going strong! Those who are making a good living doing what they love. Leo Buscaglia. Caroline Myss. Aunt Connie – the official Godmother of Love.
Dear three (probably down to two now) followers of the snark,
I haz been away! Not really. Just away from here. And now I return with stories to tell and things to bitch about. Otherwise, you wouldn’t know who I am, amirite?
Currently happy about:
* I have just two months left of “duty” with brokerboy and mini-me. I almost feel like starting one of those countdowns like you see on prison walls. I’ve totally done my time and want out.
* Busted right on through my goal this month with Practically Intuitive! Woot! Things have hardcore picked up and I am booked most nights this month (when I’m not doing something else like Pilates or getting my hair did.)
* So happy to be doing those sessions in my little office space! It’s not done by a long shot (decorating and all) but it’s a nice, peaceful space for me to do my work. The petz wait for me outside the door which always makes me laugh.
Currently NOT happy about:
* stalled with Paleo and looking to get back on the horse soon. Duty’s blood work was most positively affected by the shift in eating so he’s sold. But we went hella awry this weekend. Horse, get back here! Come on!
* Because I am doing so many sessions, I’m running out of time to goof off and all. (good but not) Over the weekend I had 6 one-hour sessions and didn’t realize I had run out of time for other things until 10pm Sunday night. Better time management – learn it, Lisa.
* Odd exhaustion that keeps me feeling like I’m walking in a fog. When things happen (emo things), it just wears my ass out.
Next time, I’ll share the saga of “Don’t push me ‘cuz I’m close to the edge. I’m about to lose my head …” (anyone remember Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five?) I’ll describe how our heroine (me) got her yip on at the office. Oooh yeah!
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