She’s forever my girl
.. to paraphrase Paula(r) Abdul.
Today marks the fifth anniversary of Lauren’s passing from the earth. Life truly isn’t the same without her. I wrote that last year and it will always be so. Many times I wish I could time travel back to when she was here even if just to hug her one last time. It’s not for me to know why her soul chose the path it did but I am beyond grateful to have had the experience of being in her life and having her be such a special part of mine.
Nothing will dim her light – not on earth and not in the Heavens. Love and miss you, La.
So, here we are at Day 30 of Troofs. This one is hard and I’m not gonna pretend mine will even be half as awesome as The Gal’s entry but it will be from the my heart, so there’s that.
Here we go: Day 30 :: A letter to yourself. Tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.
Dear Lisa,
Know what? The very best thing about you is your tender heart. Remember Care Bears? How could you have been anything *but* TenderHeart Bear? You don’t hold grudges, want love and light and happiness for just about everyone and know how to let your heartlight shine. When you love someone, you love them with all your heart. (Um, and when you don’t? You don’t with all your heart!) Those whom you love know it without question. Just like there was nothing left unsaid between you and Lauren – she knew, unequivocally, how you felt about her.
The second best thing about you is your willingness to be a dorky 12 year old and show that to the world. Most people have an inner dork and when one finds the other, it’s like a secret hand signal or something is exchanged. If truth be known, that’s really the best side of you. Your inner dork = love.
Growing and changing and being the best Lisa you can be while on this earth is your fondest wish. (That and those damn shoes!) You will never be complacent about that.
One day you will come to realize what a gift you have in writing and doing the woo-work. You sort of know it now but don’t fully get it. You will. It’s the work of your soul and you know that fully. The more you bring it out, the stronger it gets.
To sum up, you’re a sweetie. Sometimes a moody sweetie. But always a sweetie.
Love,
Me
And no, it’s not Cookie (although he runs a close 45th or so).
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Yeah, you knew it would be the Goddaughter of Love, right? I picked her because she truly was the closest thing to a child I had in this lifetime. I am beyond thankful that I got to have that relationship with her so that I could understand (even if only the tiniest bit) how to love someone with all your heart and soul all the time. Lauren and I shared true unconditional love and it’s enriched my life so much for having had that wonderful girl as my sweet goddaughter as long as I did. What got me through the days as it became clear she was leaving us was the unshakable belief that I’d see her again and we’d pick up right where we left off. We’ve been through lives before with each other and I suspect we’ll be together again for many more.
Do I love this kid or what? Can you believe he’s six months old already? Time sure flies, don’t it? Gosh, I so cannot wait to be barfed on next weekend! heheh (I actually am excited about 2 1/2 days of full time babyholding! The barf thing is just a bonus, of course!)
I am so so so so happy to be home!! Oh my God. I am beyond ecstatic. My own bed. My own cats. My own coffee!! And rooms that separate me and Duty. Ah! Bliss! Mama needs her alone time, you know? I cannot be in anyone’s energy that much. No matter who they are or how much I love them. (Lauren really was the only exception to that rule. Loved being with her.)
Back to work tomorrow for just four days and then adventures in kiddie land on Friday. I am taking one day off after that adventure to recuperate. I think I’ll need it.
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
All LOLcats, all the time, right?
Something is awry with my doggie, Max. His tail is tucked way the hell under his butt and periodically he starts shaking for no reason as if he’s scared to death of something. Not sure what the dealio is. He was fine and Duty took him to get his nails trimmed Monday – I noticed the tail-tucking action last night and all day today. He is getting older and is losing his hearing a bit and has a cataract in one eye … just an old, old doggie and I know his health isn’t quite what it used to be. I hope he comes around soon. I haz a big sad about it.
No sads otherwise, though.
* Duty’s health issues are relatively resolved with the placement of stent #2 for his blocked artery. No stories to tell this time, kids. It was easy peasy YEY!
* Appointment with endocrinologist in 2 weeks to see WTF is up with my damn hormones. YEY.
* Trip to Maine coming soon! YEY
* I get to hold my behbeh and be called “Aunt WeeHah” by Luke this weekend. YEY!
What’s the haps out there? I have Google Analytics on this blog and Practically Intuitive and it’s rather disheartening to learn that yes, in fact, I do have but four readers (and I love each and every damn one a’youse!) and lots of spambots and freaks. I don’t publicize this blog much because who else would be remotely interested in my blatherings? My snark isn’t quite what it used to be. Still. Lauren and I always said we’d write no matter who read it (or didn’t, as the case may be) and I shall carry that mission forward. I know she’s reading it on a Kindle in Heaven so I should count her in the total. Officially now FIVE readers!
W00t!
This is P. Diddy (aka: the bozman) or more affectionately known as “The Godson of Love” – chilling poolside.
Yeah, he be cool
I would so appreciate it if one of you FOUR readers would save me from my damn self. GAH! Why did I decide NOW would be a good time to move PI over to self hosted word press? Because I’m not spazzing enough about *finishing* things this month that I must take on a stupid ass monumental chore like this. Today alone, I spent 5 hours (FIVE HOURS!) futzing with the layout and it’s still sucky. (Sobs)
If you cannot save me from myself, would you at least buy me a cosmo? Or some xanax? I hear mixing them isn’t wise but apparently, I’m not operating in wise mode these days. Oh well. I will keep plugging along since I did accomplish a great deal yesterday in between floaties, watching Season 4 of Weeds, eating crabs and other fun stuff.
If I suddenly disappear, come find me. I’ll be in the closet, k?
When your mantra for the month is “I finish what I start” DO NOT take on eleventy million more things than usual. (Hi Dissonance! We meet again!)
Dude at work has broken his “You do not exist” fast and has finally acknowledged me. So, that’s interesting. What’s more interesting to me is the dream I had about it last night where he came into my work area (called “the cage” – no kidding, it really is called that) and talked to me about why he was ignoring me. Something about his great aunt being sick and blah blah blah … not sure I remember all the details. In the dream, I told him it felt weird to me to be ignored – pointedly so. He apologized for that and we ended it on a good note. Odd, though. It was a very vivid dream and yes, I do believe souls can address things like that in the “dream time”. I found it interesting that he came to me about it. (He appeared in the cage which was doubly odd because brokers and most other staff are NEVER allowed in there for a variety of compliance reasons.)
Okay, so here’s where I get to say why I’m a dolt. I’ve taken on three big blog-related projects this month (really four if you count that blasted newsletter which I do). I am often lucky to finish ONE big project much less four! The other day I realized the folly of my actions. (I make that sound all calm but I was really like this: “Lisa!! What. Are. You. Doing?” and promptly went to sit in my (this time metaphorical) closet.) GAH!
I’m doing the Money Manifesting study group, the “31 days to a better blog” program with a big bunch of other chicks, and I’m also doing a group coaching for weightloss thing. Add to that the newsletter (which is really aggravating me that I can’t figure it out), moving my blog from WP.com to a hosted server (technical and scary) and readings and commenting and bears, oh my!
I mentioned to Duty that I jump in with both feet, get overwhelmed and then hide and don’t finish anything. So, I decided to not take on any more “projects” at this time (good start), diligently work at the ones I have taken on (Angels, help me) and keep saying “I finish what I start.” Today, I plan to work extra hard at my projects with maybe a break for a dip in the pool. Baby steps, Lisa, Baby steps.
Finally, clearing off that other computer (yes, I am doing that!), I found this email between me and Lauren. It made me smile AND miss her so so so much (more than usual).
Lisa wrote:
How is it you are my bestest friend in the whole whole whole world? Because you know me inside and out.
I loves ya
From: Lauren
Sent: Thursday, August 05, 2004 1:30 PM
aww well yes, it is because we ARE the same inside and out!! and that’s tough to beat! ;D
loves you tooo
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