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The Snarkypants Book of Rules

February 3, 2006 Written by Lisa

Chapter Two

Dear Co-workers:

Once again I must write you to set the record straight on proper work behavior vis a vis goofing off. It has come to my attention that company wide use of Instant Messenger has been severely curtailed. Why is this, you ask? Well, turns out some of you dipshits have been ignoring the phone calls (which you are paid to make and take, btw) to chat with your friends!!

WTF???!! Don’t make me invoke the law of BabyNike on your ass!!

Dudes, come on! The first rule of work is this: when you are given the option to goof off AND get paid for it, don’t fucking abuse it!! Work always, always, always comes first! Why is this? Well, first off because you are paid to do that on behalf of the company that gives you that paycheck every other week. But (in Lisa-world) mostly because if you don’t do that, they are gonna take your goofing-off privileges away!!! Jeebus henry!

(sigh) Seriously, I’m going to write a small handbook and pass it out to everyone so we’re all on the same page because their mis-steps are affecting my life!

(sigh)

And speaking of someone’s mis-steps messing up my life, how’s that imperial presidency working out for ya? What a mess. We are going to be paying for these 8 years for a long, long time, kids. I’ve met a few slimy sorts like those in this cabal and it’s sooo infuriating to know all this shit is going on and yet nothing sticks to them. I have faith that it will and that good will ultimately triumph. Some days that faith is stronger than others, though.

Speaking of faith (do ya love these segues?), I have been working hella hard coordinating GOL‘s alternative medicine cancer protocol as the go-between for Cousin ‘o Love and Biochemist ‘o Health. In fact, I took yesterday off to get it all down, organized and purchased. I love doing it, though. At least I feel like I’m actively doing something for my little baby rather than sitting around teaching her how to plan her barfing so it doesn’t interfere with her life. Plus, I’ve learned an amazing amount of good info on alternative cancer cures. And since I’m all about learning, hey, it’s all good!

And now, a tee-hee, courtesy of my aunt Geri:

This year, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union Address fall on the same day.

It is an ironic juxtaposition: One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication, and the other involves a groundhog.

(I don’t think GD and the SOU were on the same day but whatever)

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