Two months and five things

I am so happy that you guys have chosen to come along with me for five days of magnificence! I hope that this little experiment has helped you see what special people you are. Because I dig lists, I almost never have trouble coming up with them (be they of good things or not-so-good things) but I know it was a stretch for some. So, good job, everyone! (runs around awarding gold stars to Becky, Ami, Hockey(less) Kim, Anita and Officer P&S)

Today marks the two month anniversary of Lauren’s passing. Not one hour goes by that I don’t think of her and miss her. As most of you know, my dad died when I was 14. I didn’t really get a chance to grieve that loss openly because I felt I had to be strong for my mom (who really seemed to just come apart. (This is my recollection of it. That may not be reality.)). I didn’t get a opportunity to process that loss and carried around that hideous sense of abandonment for a long time, influencing my actions in a most detrimental fashion. Yet, as always, lessons were there for the taking. And I wouldn’t be who I am today without that experience.

With regard to Lauren, I was able to feel and show my sadness over her illness and of course, her death. I think not having to prop anyone else up but allow MYself to be supported by the love of friends, family and my angelic crew has helped me process it. So, while I miss her earthly presence fiercely, I know in my heart that we will be together again in another lifetime and for all eternity. She has always been and will always be my sweet baby girl.

So to draw Magnificence week to a close, I present herewith:

Five ways I was a magnificent godmother to an angel:

1. I tried to make a bargain with the Uni to take me instead of her and would have gone through with it willingly if they had come down and offered to switch. (Would’ve kissed all my friends, family, pets and Duty goodbye and jumped off a mountain for her without one moment’s hesitation).

2. I went to church with her any time she was visiting out of respect for her beliefs.

3. I introduced her to Eddie and that became one of our strongest bonds. (In turn, she introduced me to blogging, also one of our strongest bonds.) Plus, we got to bring out our inner 12 year olds and laugh about goofy stuff.

4. I was her willing cleaning person while she whipped up all kinds of yummy concoctions in the kitchen. (I would have scrubbed floors if it meant I could spend time with her!)

5. I gave her my whole heart and soul without one second of hesitation or thought and was the recipient of more love and light than I could begin to describe in words.

And this list, my friends, was the hardest for me to write because SHE was MY teacher, not the other way around. So, it was very hard for me to find ways that I was magnificent in the role of godmother. Mostly because I think how I felt with her is how most feel with their own children. While I could list 500 ways she was a magnificent goddaughter, writing this about myself was hard.

Anyway, here’s a laugh. Yesterday, during my session with Regina (which was so amazingly cool!), my weekly seed thought card was (you guessed it!) MAGNIFICENCE. Each week I choose a card from this nice deck by Cheryl Richardson (which would make a faboo gift for some snarky chick, btw) to think about over a week’s time. The card for week one was “Grieve” (weird, hey?), week 2 was Magnificence, week 3 was Guidance and week 4? Back to Magnificence! Note that there are 52 cards to choose from and I just shuffle the deck and pick one at random. I just find it humorous that Magnificence came out again. Ah, Universe, you amuse me so!

Happy Friday!