13 Ways to make your hospital stay easier – by my mom (with snarkage by me)
(Backstory: Mom went into the hospital Monday to have a modified radical mastectomy. And while I would like to say I’ve made up the 13 events below, I’m not. In bold is what my mom told me to say (we wrote this together today). In non-bold or italics is my take on the event. BTW, she’s doing fine, all things considered!)
(To comment, scroll back up to the top of THIS post and click on the word HEARTS. Sorry about the faint color of the type. Will work on that!)
1. Make sure someone is with you (family member, friend, random stranger off the street) to advocate for you. If they think you are about to launch into a full blown panic attack, they can track down a nurse, beg for meds and voila! Five hours later, there they are!!
2. Be sure the staff understands the words “I cannot stand on my legs and haven’t done so for two years” so they don’t pretend they didn’t hear you, make you stand and then manage to drop you when (surprise!) your legs don’t hold you up. (Bonus points for the staff member who had to write it up to go before the board and explain why 6 people managed to drop a patient who clearly and loudly told them she was unable to stand.) (Yes, this is a true story, alas.)
3. Always ask the aides their name so you know who to call when you need help and don’t have to yell “hey you!” at them. (My mom is from Baltimore so no matter what the aide’s name might be, she calls them HON)
4. If you don’t like the food they send up, ask them if they can provide a replacement. (That’s my diplomatic translation of Mom’s “FISH? Oh no, I’m not eating fish. Uh uh. You’re gonna have to take that back, hon”) They did and brought her a grilled cheese sammich and she was happy. (This, of course, after the dropping incident so they were eager for her not to sue them to please.
5. Drugs during and after surgery – highly recommended! She had a radical mastectomy with lymph node removal and when they brought her down to the room two hours after surgery, she was as chipper as could be. Flying high as a kite, she was! So, if you get the option to take drugs legally, please do.
6. Ask them what meds you are supposed to be taking so you know when to expect them and what you are getting. (Mom’s actual words: “What are these pills for, hon? I don’t know what I’m supposed to be getting. I just take whatever they give me and whatever happens, happens.”) But perhaps that was just the post ops meds talking.
7. A greeting party in your room makes the pain of boobie surgery fade a bit – especially when you’re high as a kite! There were 6 of us waiting for her back in the room and while you’d think that’s a tad much, she was so happy to see everyone. Sorta like when you get off a long airline flight and you spot your beloved (or Brad Pitt) waiting for you – it makes your heart jump, doesn’t it?
8. Be cooperative with the aides who bathe you and say please and thank you. “Hon? I’m sweating like a pig in here. Can you take less than five hours to get someone to change the sheets? Did I tell you they dropped me? As if I didn’t have enough to worry about and I told them but did they listen to me? No. They never do. What do ya gotta do around here to get some decent help?”
9. Tubes down your throat during surgery – helpful. Sore throat from tubes precluding you from snarfing delicious foods after surgery? Sucks.
10. Talk to the dietician if it’s going to be a longer stay so they know what kinds of things to send up that you might prefer. Translation? So, you drop me, won’t give me pain meds until five hours later, finally send dinner and it’s fish?? In fact, it’s the worst meal I’ve ever had: fish, broccoli and rice! I can’t win. How come I always get the shitty end of the stick? My whole life has been like that. Fine. I just won’t have dinner. I don’t care.
11. If you need a bedpan, best to let them know ahead of time so they can get you what you need and you avoid an accident. This, from someone who, at a restaurant blew me off when I asked if she needed me to wheel her into the bathroom before we left, until she finally said “oh, I have to go … ooops. Didn’t make it in time, did we?” Please to be taking your lesson from my embarassment.
12. Know what doctors come to visit you and note their name for future reference. “Hon, what’s your name? Doctor what? You look so young! Did you finish medical school? Did you know they dropped me yesterday?”
13. A sense of humor goes a long way. This one I have to give her. Despite it being a hellish couple of days, she’s kept her (admittedly strange) sense of humor and today we were laughing about poking each other in the head with a fork. (Don’t ask, mmmkay?)
(To comment, scroll back up to the top of THIS post and click on the word HEARTS. Sorry about the faint color of the type. Will work on that!)
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i can see why you are such a hilarious woman. it’s in the genes! haahaha. peace!
Your Mom sounds sweet – I love her quote “Did yI tell you they dropped me?” :) Been down that road in the hospital when I broke my hip, and more recently, last fall, when my husband had gall bladder surgery and had to spend 10 days there!
My TT is up.
Very good list, apropriatly humored too :)
Hope the recovery goes well.
Wow, a very powerful list. This is major surgery, and it sounds like your mom has a really good attitude about the whole experience. That’s not easy to do.
It’s always inspiring to see others dealing so adroitly with adversity. Thanks for sharing!
I’m glad to hear your Mom has such a great attitude! Humor goes a loooong way in helping to make a situation better…but dropping her? Ridiculous.
And #6 is me, totally: “whatever happens, happens”
This was great. Good for future reference. Of course I especially love the comments, you have made to this. Kept me laughing the whole time. I have a horror story about when I had my daughter, but that would take way to long, so lets just say, I feel for your mom. Have a great Thursday!
Hi Snarky,
Great list, as usual! As a future physician, this list is helpful, although I feel helpless as to what I could actually do to help. A lot of what is happening is outside the physicians’ control, it is really what is going on with the nursing and administrative staff. I found the hospital a confusing environment when I did my clinical rotations, I can only imagine how it must be for a patient. Patients don’t realize that medical students and physicians only stop by a few times and don’t know what is going on the rest of the time – we don’t actually know if the staff is doing what it is supposed to be doing, we can give instructions and write notes in the chart, as well as check notes in the chart to see what what we asked was done, but the rest of the time, we’re rounding on other patients or in clinic or in the OR (if you are a surgeon or on the surgery rotation), and so forth.
I know that’s not reassuring to hear at all.
Definitely, definitely, definitely need an advocate and family! There is nothing worse than being sick and in the hospital and feeling like you don’t have the energy to advocate for yourself or that you don’t have family or friends who care that you are sick and don’t visit. I’ve seen many a patient cry because family don’t visit. Kudos to you and your family for being such a support to your mother.
I’m one of those young-looking people, so your mother’s comment made me laugh! I’m not insulted, I’ve heard it many times! Even my own parents think I look young for my age.
You can try Rose’s aura/face reading techniques, if you are so inclined, to use deeper perception on the physicians/staff who are stopping by – then target your efforts to the ones who seem to really care? Being a medical student, I find that the degree is not bequeathed on equally meritorious people (as is true in any profession, I suppose).
Hope these comments help, I tried to be both honest and caring in my remarks.
-A
It is absolutely imperative that you have another person there to be your eyes and ears! It will save you days of misunderstanding. Also, don’t be afraid to stick up for yourself! It’s your body and more importantly your insurance/money!
My TT is up!
I love it!! glad all is well with your Mom!!
One thing that makes a stay a lot better is to bring a blanket and pillow from home. These make sure that when I can sleep, I sleep comfortably. The hospital pillows suck! Great TT list!
You so have to advocate for yourself in the hospital. Thanks for the laugh, sorry it came from the Mom being in the hospital. Glad she is doing well.
Love and prayers for your family. Tell your mom she’s a hoot. Love your snarkiness. My TT is up.
I sure could have used this list before Hubby’s two knee replacemtns this year. Yep, I was the advocate he dragged in off the street!
All this is very hard to remember when you are on so many pain meds that there are 3 weeks you don’t remember at all. :)
great advise. my dad is sick so we are in and out of hospitals a lot; its amazing how far please and thank you goes there.
my 13 are up too at my new blog
http://www.everythingshouldbefun.blogspot.com
Fortunately I haven’t had to stay at the hospital except for sleep studies. But I’ll bookmark this post just in case. My T13 is up.
I am a veteran of hospital stays, so I can vouch for this being an excellent list. I also have experience with #2…well, I didn’t get dropped, but I did get an incompetant nurse and my mother and I proceeded to tell everyone we saw for the rest of the stay what she did wrong. *g*
And Dilaudid is a beautiful thing. I hope your Mom has a quick recovery!
My TT is up.
Guess who’s T13 I’m a visitng first! =O) Mine are up. Gosh, Mom having to suffer hospital food. You could have least smuggled her in a double cheeseburger and some fries. Oh yeah, and a large Chocolate Milkshake too. Those drugs they give you can work up an appitite. On the way to visit Mom tomorrow stop at Arby’s for that 4 for $5 deal and give her the hook up.
Great post! My thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope your Mom makes a speedy recovery..
My TT is up
Very useful list. So true that a sense of humor goes a long way. I do lose track of that from time to time. I’m glad to hear that your mother is doing fine after her surgery.