What better thing to do on the last day of the year than clean out your “half written post” in-box! Woo hoo! So, here’s a selection of things I liked but couldn’t be bothered to elucidate upon further. Enjoy!
So I already put the Britney/K-Fed divorce on the website, and man, I couldn’t be happier. But there are some updates as to what went down. Apparently she did it over text message. That is awesome. How country of her. Ending a marriage over a text message might be the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. We here at Realitysteve.com are very proud to announce that we have gotten the exclusive text, right from K-Fed’s phone. Nobody else has this. My reporting team was all over this, so I commend them for it. Here is word for word exactly what Britney wrote in the text message to end her marriage:
“….I hate u. Lets knot b marrud any more. I’m gettun custody of our 2 boyz. Go away luzer. Back up danzin is for sissies. U don’t git half. Ha ha. Bye :( …”
Surfing Blog-land again and came across this guy and laughed out loud at his driving pet peeves.
This one, in particular, I could have written verbatim!
Item 5: “Unnecessary” speed
WHY do people have to speed? Look, I’m not talking 10 miles over the limit – we all do that. 65 in a 55? Big deal. I’m talking 80-90 in a 55. Why? WHY? WHY? And if I’m doing 65-70 in the left-hand lane of a highway and you come screaming up at me doing 80, expecting me to move – SCREW YOU, BUDDY. I’m going over the limit as well, I’m in the left-hand lane, but YOU are a freakin’ idiot for going at that speed, so how about SLOWING DOWN A BIT?!?!?! You make me want to tap my brakes a bit to slow down to see if I can get you to swerve and crash, because, damn it, you deserve it… And, damn it, why is it when someone is doing 90 mph on a highway there’s never a cop around? Is this part of the big ME FIRST attitude (Item 17) that we’ve been taught as Americans???
hahahahha That drives me INSANE and brings out the inner meanie in me that wants to exact revenge for being a dumbass. Alas, I don’t. (Much like I don’t give the finger to dolts with incorrect political bumper stickers because that’s so not about light and love, y’all.)
Hey kids! It’s Friday and what better way to bring in the weekend than discussing not only what my dog Max would sell his soul for but how others have done it as well.
Greenies, for those pet owners not in the know, are treats for dogs and cats that helps clean their teeth while chewing. If you want to try them (and I promise your pets will LOVE them), visit this link for a free sample). Anyway, Max adores greenies like nobody’s business. I give him one in the morning but make him sit and sing for it. (I saw on “Dog Whisperer” that you should ask your pet to “do” something in order to get a reward. Now all I have to do is say “What’s our deal?” and he immediately lays down and sings me a song. It’s very cute.) The mere mention of a greenie is enough to send him into ecstasy. Which got me wondering “For what thing/person would I sell my soul?”
I don’t take that question lightly, as much as I am asking it in a humorous vein. I’ve worked hard on bringing through light, love and healing energy into and around my soul so there’s really nothing I would trade that for. Being skinny and eating whatever the hell I want forever? So so tempting. But no. The wealth of Paris Hilton? No.
(Please to be noting that I got no farther than that. But the question is a good one, I think. I don’t know what I’d sell my soul for these days. In fact, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t sell it at all. Just don’t tempt me with being perma-thin and perma-rich or I might reconsider!)
Stupid things that make me giggle:
If you’re not reading Dooce, what the hell is your problem?? heh I’ve been reading Heather’s blog for a lonnnng time and think she’s fab. She often puts stuff in there about her daughter Leta and this one was the cutest one of all (so I believe):
Every night after Leta’s bath we lather her entire body with lotion to help protect her skin against the dry winter air. She loves this part of the routine and anticipates it by wiggling her feet frantically and chanting, “SHOSHUN! SHOSHUN! SHOSHUN!” For months Jon and I have been trying to teach her the correct pronunciation of the word often resorting to cruel behavior and withholding the lotion until she at least tries to fumble an L out of her mouth. It never works, of course, and we end up laughing maniacally as she holds her mouth shut in anger. When Leta is old enough to have her own blog one of her first posts will be about how her parents often denied her the healing salve of moisturizer and that is why now at the age of eight she likes to blow up mailboxes.
Shoshun is the most adorable mispronunciation that comes out of her mouth, and last night we recorded it so that we have it in permanence before she takes us seriously and says it the right way. That inevitable day will be tragic.
It was July 4, 2001, and we were both at one of those things that the late historian Daniel Boorstin would have labeled a “pseudo event”: a church picnic in Philadelphia, designed to help promote George W. Bush’s faith-based policies. Because I had serious misgivings about the president’s performance to that point, my own involvement in the whole operation had left me feeling a bit like a pseudo person, so when I had the chance to shake Bush’s hand, I said, “Mr. President, I hope you only serve one term. I’m very disappointed in your work so far.”
His smiling response was swift: “Who cares what you think?”
Ah! It’s so nice to be in the presence of a “compassionate conservative”, eh?
I know you are breathlessly awaiting all the exciting details of our trip to Paris/Lourdes. (You are, right??) Well, I could spend the day telling about all the fun we had walking up and down the streets of Lourdes, snarfing all the french bread we could get our hands on. I could detail how fabulous it was to sleep in an actual midget bed and take a shower in a bathroom the size of a shoe. You may be interested to know that while France has excellent desserts, the general food (with the possible exception of cheese omlettes) was less than thrilling. Or, you might be amazed to learn that the Eiffel Tower is only really cool to look at in the evening when it’s all lit up like a Christmas tree.
(I really should finish this one – the story of the baths in Lourdes is priceless and showed me to what extent I would go for someone I truly loved. It involves nekkidness in front of nuns, 55 degree water in a marble tub, speed racing to kiss a statue and the peace of knowing you’d do anything Lauren asked you to do.)
Jon Stewart and The Daily Show rocks!
“The real question is in the 4 years since 9/11 you have to ask yourself: has the government’s advancements, procedures, etc. made us safer, given us more comfort that they will have an effective, or more effective, response to catastrophic events and I think it’s very clear that the answer is…Oh Shit! We’re in trouble
Jon: Well, has their effort made an impact on his (Bush’s) standings?
Ed: …Today we saw the President armed with a fresh supply of talking points.
Bush: “We got to solve problems. We’re problem solvers.”
Ed: …We got to eat zucchini because we’re zucchini eaters. Another key talking point: “They’ll be ample time to figure out what went right and what went wrong.” While everyone else has committee’s, he’ll end up building a billion dollar damn in Arkansas….His plan will be to fight the water there so we don’t have to fight it here. Here in New Orleans.
Jon: so no one’s going to be held accountable for any of this?
Ed: Ahhh…No. They’ll be hard pressed finding enough medals to pin on these guys. My sources tell me the head of FEMA may actually be dipped in bronze and turned into an award an then given to other officials.”
So – props to you if you’ve made it to the end! I’ll mail you a greenie with no soul giving required!