So yeah. I’ve been running around like a mad woman today, getting my nails done (we must look purty), spending too much time wandering around Kohl’s (I had a coupon, people!), cleaning up a bit around here (ick – cat litter is nasty) and of course, packing for Oklahoma. My flight out is at 7am which means I need to be at the airport at 5am (whee!) which means I must leave the house at 4:15am WHICH MEANS I must get up at 3:15am or so. You know you want my life. Just admit it right now.
De Dogg has gone to be with his other family next door so it’s just me and Lucie (downstairs) and Sophie (upstairs). As a matter of fact, despite my protestations, Lucie has made herself too snuggly on my leg here which is impeding my ability to get up for more coffee. Grr. I should just stay up the whole night, don’t you think? Anyway, I am pretty much packed so there’s not a whole lot left to do.
Last night I decided to watch “He’s just not that into you” and realized the whole movie was about my 20s and 30s. Oh good Lord. That was less a “rom-com” than a “wallowing in my pain-athon”. But I had a lovely cathartic cry about my past dating life (hell, I tell you!) and ate some banana bread and life was back to good.
Our instructions for Counseling week from the Seminary were thus:
We are delighted you are coming to Counseling week. The counselors and teachers are expecting to cover a great deal of information and anticipate the week to be an intense experience. Because of this, we request that you do some thinking before coming and bring with you ideas of areas you wish to pursue in your individual and group sessions.
And so I have. It’s pretty big stuff, too. The biggest piece of it has to do with my apparent life long pursuit of invisibility. Given that my most fervent wish is to be seen, that’s not been working out too well. And I’m not talking here of validation or praise but just being SEEN for who I really am. (I suspect this dates back to having a blind father who died early in my life. (Being seen/being abandoned – how very Freudian, I know.)) It also has to do with not being grounded in my body. In fact, I have almost no idea what it means to live in my body since I do everything I can to not do that. I prefer being out of my body. It’s safe. But if I am going to be a Spiritual Coach/Counselor/Minister, this is a lesson I MUST learn in order to assist others. And my realization of that has come about organically, rather than it being forced upon me. So, I know the time is right to address it and move through it. One way to do that is to make myself visible this week. Not in a “hog everyone’s time” way (because that is so not my style) but in a “I’m here, too” kind of way.
Can I tell you how hard that will be for me?
Stay tuned, kids. It’s going to be an interesting week. I shall don my “Turban of high consciousness” and trust the Universe to support me in this work.
Wish me luck!