Some holiday whining ahead but it’s not anything major.
And, as a bonus for you, I’ll do it in bulleted form. (you’re welcome.)
1. I completely and utterly misunderstood Duty when he said this about ‘those shoes‘: “If I ask you something, can you not ask questions about it? Can you wait until after Christmas to get those shoes?” Silly me. I thought he was saying that Santa would bring them. So when really nice lady at work who loves to buy me expensive presents (because she can) asked me if I still wanted those shoes, I told her that Duty was getting them for me. Because I really thought he was. Or at least was conspiring to get them.
But no. That was not the case. At all.
Last night he was dumbfounded to find out that I thought all that. And, admittedly, I should know better but once in a blue moon he surprises me. He chided me for thinking that a pair of shoes would change my whole life. When I explained why I wanted the shoes (the attitude mostly), he said “So, you’re going to wear them once and throw them in the closet?” I said that no, if I wasn’t able to wear them, I’d send them back. But by then I felt so defeated about misunderstanding the situation and the fact that he doesn’t get it. Or me, sometimes. He blustered something about buying whatever the hell I wanted and stormed off. So, that was fun.
I can’t even explain why I wanted those shoes – which I don’t even want anymore because it’s all a big fucking mess. He’s a realist. He lives in logic. I’m not at all on that level and run on emotion 98% of the time but in a somewhat grounded way. He doesn’t get me most of the time. I don’t get him most of the time. And when that’s thrown up in my face, it sucks to have to acknowledge it.
I haz a big sad and no shoes. And had to wrap some presents alone while hazing that sad. And mostly feel like just sitting in a closet contemplating my fat ass and why I think $265 shoes will save me. Because they won’t.
2. Speaking of fat asses, my co-worker’s five year old daughter commented upon mine the other day. “You have a fat bottom” she said. I had to agree. And I have to acknowledge my responsibility for it. I do, but on a surface level. I think I have to do it on a whole different level if I’m to allow it to fade away again. Will be working on it.
3. Cousin O’Cool has offered to trade me de-cluttering services for babysitting services. I am so there. I want all this crap in my house gone. Just gone.
4. And speaking of Christmas presents, I got Duty two great ones. I am so happy about them because they are “experiences” and not more STUFF (which he hates.) I was dancing with joy around the kitchen, teasing him a bit about them and he said “I didn’t get you anything great.” Uh, okay Mr. JoyKilla. Thanks for that information. I wish Santa would bring him some fucking joy because he has none. And it’s wearing me out trying to bring joy for 2. I barely have enough of my own.
Okay, so I think I’m done whining for now.
Peas on earth, gouda wheel, two men.
Over Christmas holidays with my family I overheard my 3 year old niece asked my Mom (who is a little overweight), "Mimi, why are you fat?" My twig of a sister who stands at 5'7 and 120 pounds tried to cover it up and say, "Oh Mom don't worry about it, she asks me that too!" Later that day she asked me why I have "boy hair" (cuz it's short). Ah, out of the mouths of babes.
I know i'm late to commenting on this so I'll stop now. I just love this blog!
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PS The "shoe thing" distracted me momentarily from the "fat bottom thing." I think you're very right, and very perceptive, that it's about more than the weight. (I say this as a woman who is wearing Lane Bryant jeans to encase her own now bulbous buttocks.) So kudos to you for your wisdom and self awareness, and know that your insights bode well for 2011. Give yourself a gold star (or a jingle bell).
My recent post I Want Wednesday
It sucks that he doesn't understand about the shoes, but I bet a lot of husbands would react the same. I would go easy on him though. I know the holidays are hard for him (well, for ALL of us) since Lauren's missing… it's just misdirected frustration.
Besides, cuter shoes exist and I shall help you find them!
I'm mad at him. Sorry. That said, I think it would be great if you could simply IGNORE him, and also, not buy him great presents.
Sorry again!
My recent post I Yawn- Therefore I Yam
Misunderstandings like the one with Duty can be corrosive, can't they? You know you shouldn't let things like that get to you so much, but they do, and now what? You can't just pretend they don't hurt. I guess you just have to work through it. And know that it will pass and it's all the stress and hubbub of the holiday that probably made it worse
My recent post I Want Wednesday