Sorta lacking in the Spirit this year

Some holiday whining ahead but it’s not anything major.

And, as a bonus for you, I’ll do it in bulleted form. (you’re welcome.)

1. I completely and utterly misunderstood Duty when he said this about ‘those shoes‘: “If I ask you something, can you not ask questions about it? Can you wait until after Christmas to get those shoes?” Silly me. I thought he was saying that Santa would bring them. So when really nice lady at work who loves to buy me expensive presents (because she can) asked me if I still wanted those shoes, I told her that Duty was getting them for me. Because I really thought he was. Or at least was conspiring to get them.

But no. That was not the case. At all.

Last night he was dumbfounded to find out that I thought all that. And, admittedly, I should know better but once in a blue moon he surprises me. He chided me for thinking that a pair of shoes would change my whole life. When I explained why I wanted the shoes (the attitude mostly), he said “So, you’re going to wear them once and throw them in the closet?” I said that no, if I wasn’t able to wear them, I’d send them back. But by then I felt so defeated about misunderstanding the situation and the fact that he doesn’t get it. Or me, sometimes. He blustered something about buying whatever the hell I wanted and stormed off. So, that was fun.

I can’t even explain why I wanted those shoes – which I don’t even want anymore because it’s all a big fucking mess. He’s a realist. He lives in logic. I’m not at all on that level and run on emotion 98% of the time but in a somewhat grounded way. He doesn’t get me most of the time. I don’t get him most of the time. And when that’s thrown up in my face, it sucks to have to acknowledge it.

I haz a big sad and no shoes. And had to wrap some presents alone while hazing that sad. And mostly feel like just sitting in a closet contemplating my fat ass and why I think $265 shoes will save me. Because they won’t.

2. Speaking of fat asses, my co-worker’s five year old daughter commented upon mine the other day. “You have a fat bottom” she said. I had to agree. And I have to acknowledge my responsibility for it. I do, but on a surface level. I think I have to do it on a whole different level if I’m to allow it to fade away again. Will be working on it.

3. Cousin O’Cool has offered to trade me de-cluttering services for babysitting services. I am so there. I want all this crap in my house gone. Just gone.

4. And speaking of Christmas presents, I got Duty two great ones. I am so happy about them because they are “experiences” and not more STUFF (which he hates.) I was dancing with joy around the kitchen, teasing him a bit about them and he said “I didn’t get you anything great.” Uh, okay Mr. JoyKilla. Thanks for that information. I wish Santa would bring him some fucking joy because he has none. And it’s wearing me out trying to bring joy for 2. I barely have enough of my own.

Okay, so I think I’m done whining for now.

Peas on earth, gouda wheel, two men.