Still adjusting to my new life

Hi kids,

Lots of ups and downs these days – the ups are WAY UP! (Arizona trip) and the downs are WAY DOWN! (cold and slight depression stuff).  I feel as if I am constantly swinging from one side to the other with no in-between.  It’s been this way since I left former place of employment and I am still  trying to find a new routine.

The Good Stuff

• I actually enjoy having the new pupster dog because he gives so much love and joy in return for what we do for him – it’s not even close how much we get back.  He’s a lot of work (at this point) but his joy is so all-consuming that it becomes less of a hassle for me.  And he’s done *wonders* for Duty who I think needed him the most.  Gets him off the couch and away from the television which is a WIN! in my book. (said she, who has also had to get off the couch and away from the computer)

• I must have had my energy flashing bright and bold in Arizona because I really seemed to connect with people and several even sought me out to ask me questions! It was great.  I was totally rocking out as my “High Priestess of the Woo-Woo” self.  What a change from when I went to Richmond where I tried my very best to hide and not be noticed.

• Not having to go to an office when you feel like poo is a good thing, Martha.  This week’s cold was a pain in the butt and even though I had to be out and about with Brogan, I didn’t have to show up and try to be cheerful. I could wallow in my “feeling like crap- ness” and just be.

• Thanks to Duty, I FINALLY have a desk in my office now.  Hopefully, I’ll sit at it and  work.  My former boss graciously allowed me to take home the awesome desk chair that I used for four years so I have a comfy place to sit and do stuff.  When I talk to clients, I sit in my rocking chair (which is in motion for the full hour!). There’s still some stuff to be done to the office but overall, it’s nice.

The Crap Stuff

• A  lot of people were at the conference to network and when I got home, I got emails from some trying to get me to schedule an appointment with them. I really don’t like that. I know you have to offer your services but there’s a way to do that without it seeming all clingy and icky.  I responded nicely and still they chased me.  I will never, ever do that to someone. If I offer and they decline, that’s fine for me.  Chasing someone never works.

• I keep falling into these weird depression ditches where I’m all “Oh what’s the point of life anyway” and it’s taking me longer and longer to climb out.  I don’t know if not having a routine to follow is contributing to that or that I adjust to change slowly or what.  But I feel I need to get a handle on this before I go down for the count.  I’m not sure how to do that other than to force my ass to CREATE a routine and further, stick with it.  Unless I’m forced to stick with something by outside constraints, I run amok and end up accomplishing little.

• Which leads us to what, exactly, I’m doing with my time.  That would be as follows:  Playing too many games on Facebook, surfing the web looking for something to read, not cleaning the house, being mad at myself for doing too much of all that stuff and then …. ta-da! Eating all the crap food I can find. And we know how happy that makes me, right? (le sigh)

I really, really need to pull my shit together somehow.  No one will ever call me a Type A personality – I’m very MEH about a lot of stuff.

(Things about which I am not MEH: politics, learning, David Cook, buying stuff, writing.  That’s about it, actually.)

Being MEH about stuff makes it hard to get off one’s ass.

I just don’t have a lot of drive (now or really ever) and at almost 52, I wonder if that will change.

(Yes, intention is everything. Shut up!)

Sorry this is a dreary post …. but the rule of Snarkypants is that it must accurately reflect my state of mind at all times.  (I just made that rule up, BTW.)