I keep meaning to come here and write stuff out but then I get sidetracked listening to 37 podcasts and eating Hershey kisses. (That is sadly true.)
And now, the latest news in Snarklandia:
Back to work, back to reality: Yep, going back part time to ye olde place of employ. It could be for a few months, it could be longer. I’m really happy about it because I have not found enough to do in my day to keep me out of a ditch. PI is going okay (could be better) but there’s just not enough going on to keep me moving forward and I end up sitting around, feeling lost and sometimes sad. I could be cleaning, it’s true (but I’m not), I could be de-cluttering (no I’m not) so mostly I wander around feeling lost.
After 30 years of regimented routine, I realize that the balance helps keep me grounded, motivated and moving. So, M-Th 9-1. I can totes do that. :)
There was a much deeper personal reason for being nudged toward Crossfit and while I won’t go into it much here, it all came flowing through when talking to my coach yesterday. (I love her, btw.) I was mentioning that when I’m there, it’s like I pull out all my vulnerabilities and humiliation and lay it on the table for everyone to see. That started a flood of information coming through her about an event in a past life and my deep humiliation over the fact that my body failed me when trying to get away from a bad situation and I died in a very public way because of it.
Once she started sharing what she got, it was so vivid – I could FEEL all of it and it brought me close to a panic attack right here in my house. By the time we got off the phone (45 minutes later) I felt like I had been through a war of some kind. My point being is that when I get guidance like I did when I heard “Crossfit” that day while driving, I don’t always know what it’s about but I trust that by following it, the answer will become clear.
This one became clear in stages. I remember driving home in tears the first few times I went and had no idea what that was about. Then came the confidence that I really could do this. Recently, I hit the resistance wall and didn’t want to go anymore. It was in explaining why to my coach that the vision hit her. The reason it comes up now is so that it can be cleared and healed. Which, of course, I will do.
(Just writing this out caused me to get all tense and stressed. It’s a fairly recent past life so when I go there, it feels as if it’s happening all over again.)
Teeth update: $20,000 YO! Yeah, so we’re waiting a bit on that. Holy shit. More than half of it is the implants for the bottom denture – they put four implants in and then a bridge thing across it so that you can *click* the bottom denture in and it stays in place much better. (secretly, I’m so so so glad to wait on this.)
And finally, we are not getting a new dog. I wanted one – I suppose out of a need to be loved the way Brogan loves Duty (and vice-versa) and saw a sweetie named Esme from the same rescue org where we got Brogan. Took him over to meet her yesterday and while she is cute and nice, I could feel it wouldn’t be a good fit. Duty felt it too, so we nixed that idea.
And it was silly of me to create more chaos in my life as I’m going back to working 4 days a week. Still, I was (am?) in need of some love and bonding as much as it annoyed me that Lucie followed me everywhere. Sophia cat is so independent (like a regular cat) and she sometimes comes to get her loves when I am on my laptop playing games (often 30-80 hours a day!). I think I just wanted a bit more or a bit different. I dunno what I want, really. (As usual. Such a Libra am I!)
What’s the haps in your world, three readers??
You know all that goes on with me, so let’s go back to concentrating on you! The crossfit story was really intense. I’m gonna read that paragraph again. I need some kind of breakthrough. Something is keeping me from taking control of my own body. I wonder what it is.
Still in the no pet club (well pet who is all-your-own) with me :( It’s so sad now that all the mama-cat babies are gone. What a weird litter they were. :)
Oh Lisa, I could write a book about the major events going on over here. None easy, but I am getting help (like an advocate for my son at school who “just happened to appear” via someone whot I am now calling an angel). My sympathies on the $20k. My husband found out he will most likely need a hip replacement (and he’s only 42 – it’s the construction industry) which will also put us at $0 because he won’t be able to lift anything for a YEAR afterward. I’m glad you’re going back to work p/t. Maybe the universe will open up a job for me or more likely it will open up a different kind of job for Husband…I have my suspicions but we will see what transpires. Wishing us all luck :)
Lost two of my furry babies in less than a week and heart is broken.. pregnant finally! but with twins… so in comes the ummmm thoughts…
plus with the loss, not excited, too sad.
Tired of the roller coster and would like to be let of for a little while please. If nothing else – shows you your not alone.
OH NO! I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet fur-babies. It’s hard no matter what but it does heal and the memories are tender and dear.
BUT YEY!!!! for babies! Two babies!! That is amazing! What fun! The excitement will come when it gets real(er) and the grief heals a bit. :) What happy happy news. I’m excited for you – thank you for sharing. Keep us posted!