I think that’s the theme of the year, you guys. What am I willing to receive? 
Doesn’t that sound like it would be fun? “Yes, I’ll receive love and ice cream and tons of money and doggie kisses, please and thank you.”
It also means receiving the things I’d rather hide. The feelings I don’t want to deal with, the trade-offs I’ve made and all the other less-fun-than-ice-cream things. Bleah.
They’re hidden for a reason, yo.
Mostly, I’ve dealt with those touchy things sideways (as in: not really at all) but even that has shifted to where I just left them in the past and decided I wasn’t walking down that road again.
I keep getting the message that it would be a good thing to start opening up that door and seeing what else is possible. And I’ve been fighting that message tooth and nail because it feels like ‘what else is possible’ will be hard and something I don’t desire. Medical intuitive pal says that when you don’t want to feel stuff (i.e.: you’re suppressing it), your body chooses to deal with it in ways that are much less fun (such as a stroke where you don’t feel anything at all).
Not a fan of that, I can tell you.
Not a fan of facing this either.
And it all comes back to receiving: am I willing to open up to see what else is possible and welcome joy in?
Or am I bound and determined to make it hard and sad and full of angst?
On a less spazztastic note: Wifey-pal Christine and I became BARS practitioners this weekend. It’s the energetic clearing process offered through Access Consciousness. (Read more about it here if you want.)
It was a fun (and intense) day and while I don’t see myself offering this work as a practitioner much because I’m not so much about in person, hands-on healing work, I do like the energetic clearing it offered. Wifey and I plan to exchange sessions for fun. Because why the hell not, right? Right.
I don’t know what I just read, except it feels like you’re in pain and I’m very sorry to hear that. I know you’ll work this through, in your own way and in your time.