So here are some random pissy thoughts to brighten your day (since it’s not you having them):
1) My mom used to get bad headaches (now I wonder if they were migraines) and when I was a kid, mom sleeping in the middle of the day meant she wasn’t feeling well. When Duty falls asleep in front of the television (often), I get a strange combo of mad and sad. Right before his heart attacked him in 2010, I noticed he was exhausted ALL THE TIME. He also sleeps a lot when he’s unhappy although he’ll just tell you he’s tired. I get mad because I want to yell “Lazyass” when I take naps too so am I really yelling at myself and he’s my sleeping proxy? Am I worried that his heart issues are back? I don’t know. But when I hear him snoring over the sound of the television, it pisses me off.
2. I cannot stand this house one more second. Like, I’ve taken it and taken it and taken it and now, I want to scream. (I am just so damn fun, aren’t I?) I know I am putting a lot of pressure on Duty (maybe why he’s sleeping) but it feels like one more moment here and I will just flip out. My guides have told me to cool my jets, that all stuff for moving is in process and to start packing and clearing. Fine. I will. But that doesn’t make me feel any better in the moment.
3) I am lonely. (Still and again) There is nothing to do in this town at all. Just nothing. I have to travel over the damn bridge for everything and forget about doing that from Friday at 10am – Sunday evening. Damn tourists jacking up our roads (it’s gotten really bad in the past few years) so we can’t even use the side access roads without traffic snarls. I want friends and people to do stuff with. My only local friend is married to the biggest jackass around so we can’t even hang out at her house (which is lovely and right on the water) unless he’s not there.
Also too: it’s raining and Monday. Better, sunny days are on the way.
Shout out to Julie – hang in there. I’m here if you want to talk.