2016 is turning into a year of one revelation on top of another. And I think I have finally found a way to bring all of me into everything I’m doing.
See, this has been an issue a good part of my life. Show this person part of you, that person a different part and a completely other part to everyone else. I think I’ve mentioned that there is ONE person (seriously) who has ever seen all of me and that’s my long-time pal Charlie. The older I’ve gotten, the more I felt I needed to tuck parts of me away. Parts I didn’t think others would like or feel comfortable with.
And while I’ve been doing that inner work to bring the pieces together for years, much of who I am has stayed in its own compartment out of fear. I didn’t know that I wanted to show it all or even how.
Thanks to the Coherence Lab (plus all the inner work), I have FINALLY come to a place where I can not only make sense of all this but begin to allow the fear to wash away and allow love to take its place.
I know what my work here is focused on now much more clearly and am figuring out ways to take it out there in the world in a bigger way than before. And it’s all about what I’ve been seeking to do all these years.
Back in the day, when I was with an ex-boyfriend, I used to tell him “Just be who you are!” when he would pad his resume with things he had not accomplished. When you are fully you, people can see that and appreciate it.
That phrase has been running through my head over and over and over. It’s been the cornerstone of what I’ve been working on with my coach for many years. How to be fully who I am in this world? What would it take to remove the relative safety of those compartments and let people see all of me?
And voila! It seems to have come together with lightening speed since the great bronchitis debacle of 2015.
Spiritual practices I did in 2004-2005 have come back to me, sort of like they just floated back in. The piece about criminology and detective work swooped in and fell into place. And the key piece to my business (be who you are) got locked in (finally!) because I was ready to own it in my own life.
There are still so many other joyful things that have yet to be revealed but I feel like I’m showing up and being me (not parts of me). Snarkypants has always been one outlet but I do censor what I write here because sometimes I can think crappy things about people I love and it’s not something for public consumption. I realized, though, that I do have a lot that IS open to public consumption and that I’d like a wider audience.
So, that’s what I’m doing. I set up a public FB page (not a personal profile but one for me as a way to share more openly than my personal profile has) and you are welcome to check it out and see what’s what. I’m just getting started so mostly sharing deep thoughts, songs from my BIGNESS playlist and some other stuff. As time goes on, I’ll talk about the mystery novel I’m plotting, life as a profiler-wannabe and other stuff.
I’m even considering writing a story to post on Medium.com about how Making a Murderer led me back to my real self.
Who knows? But I finally feel that I am settling into the me-ness of ME. LOL and it’s all good.
(It dawned on me that, unlike other blogs I read, mine focuses on ME and my growing pains and sekrit boyfriends and whatnot. Thanks for reading all this time. Witnessing someone’s inner journey can be a tedious process so know that I appreciate those who check in now and again, leave comments and generally love me as I am.)
I don’t find all about you tedious. I don’t know why not. With anyone else, I might. I don’t follow ANY OTHER BLOGS, but I’m always (eternally?) interested in you. Love you.
I just liked your other FB page.
Have I ever told you my Lenny Bruce story? It’s MY Lenny Bruce story because it says so much about me. In his act, one of his more controversial lines was, ““If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.” Yeah, it’s funny, and and yeah, it was probably shocking at the time. But it made me think … and it changed my perception of the miracle of my faith. EVERYONE dies. It’s not a big deal that Jesus was killed. But not everyone rises. So why, as Christians, do we so often concentrate on the horror of the crucifix? Why not be joyous about the Resurrection? I realized that I am just a sunnier Christian than the RWNJs you see on TV and this is exactly why.
And, what does this have to do with you?
Lenny Bruce would probably be very surprised that his nightclub act reframed my faith and infused it with joy. I’m sure everyone involved with MAM would be surprised they led you back to your real self.
It’s all about the right words at the right time.
What an interesting post–once again you’ve given me food for thought. Am I accepting all the parts of me?