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I always feel like somebody’s watching me …

June 14, 2013 Written by Lisa

… and I have no privacy. heh

Sharing some timely lyrics from the great singer (and son of Berry Gordy) Rockwell.

Good times in the land o’plenty these days, eh? All the woo info I’ve been reading for years has pointed to this as a time of immense, turbulent change.

That includes change in structures that have held our country in place for many, many years. All the secrets tumbling out into the open, the light shining on the dark underbelly of our nation – there’s so much more to come. It has to for all of us to wake up and start looking at what has been done in our name by those in power.

One of the things I learned recently, through working with my coach, is what it means to hold power and use it for good. In a past life, I had access to information and used it very, very unwisely. Mostly for my own benefit, truth be told. Stepped on people, used people – did whatever the hell I wanted to do.

That’s just one reason why I am hyper-alert and appalled by such misuse of power in this life. And also why I have gone in the other direction, choosing to assume little to no power.

Right now, I am working to find the place between giving away my power to others (and then secretly bitching about it in my head) and going in the other extreme and running amok with it (which, admittedly, I really could never do. It’s just the other end of the spectrum for me.)

The middle? What’s known as “the void” – the place that holds my power and also the place I’ve been very scared to approach.

My Guides suggested I make friends with “the void” and just inch my way closer and closer.

I think I’m doing that.

Trying to step out bigger and with less fear.

Speaking my mind even when I know it will cause conflict.

Shining the light on structures that no longer work for where I am and where I’m going.

Lessons, all.

Oh, and PJ fell in the pool. That was fun. :) She’s a big dork. (Like her mama!)

Blah blah blah, General Blatherings

Of days off, sleeping dogs (and letting them lie) and other tales from the front

June 8, 2013 Written by Lisa

Don’t ask me what that title means. It just came out so we’ll see what *else* comes out.

Of Days Off

I was a very productive monkey yesterday despite the torrential rain and pent up dog energy and whatnot. With an older dog, a rainy day doesn’t mean anything different than a sunny one.

Puppies? YIKES!

It means having them underfoot all day and nowhere to put their energy. They were so happy this morning to run around the yard and chase each other. (PJ sounds like the meanest dog when she runs after Brogan. At first I was worried that when she caught him, she would tear him limb from limb. Nah. She just sounds scary ass. She’s a big old puddle of love.)

So so so loving my mentoring group! This week they’ve been doing email readings for volunteer clients and we’ve been sharing the feedback and learning all the different ways to do those readings. I am so proud of those who are doing it for the first time – it’s scary as hell to take your intuitive skills out in front of others and ask for feedback. They’ve all done so well with it and are willing to just jump in and trust. It’s a lot of time and work on my part but not really work – just joy! I don’t think I’ll stop my individual readings any time soon but this program is where I’m heading – making it stronger, better and more valuable for others.

Sleeping dogs and letting them lie

I’m not too sure what this means in the context of my life – oh wait, yes I do! One of the things I’m working on with my beloved coach is asking out loud for what I want/need. I really don’t do this (well) and prefer instead to suffer in silence. (Not in my head, though. In my head, I’m pissed, sad, mad, and about forty other feelings.) Apparently, this pattern of being an inner pisshead doesn’t work so well with where my soul is going (evolution-wise) and it’s showing up big time for healing.

I rather like my inner pisshead because it lets me feel all superior and righteous. As long as I don’t ask for what I need, I get to play that martyr and feel okay about myself. But if I put myself out there and ask (or speak my truth), there’s a chance of a fight, rejection, etc. (Note that I equate speaking out / my truth as “but then bad things will happen” instead of “I have a much better chance of getting what I want/need if I let others know about it.” Ah! Learned behavior, I love you so.)

It’s time to grow the fuck up, Lisa. Time to stop doing that which has served you in the past but not very well. And definitely does NOT serve you now.

My homework this week is to look at where that inner martyr comes out (mostly, in taking care of the dogs because a good deal of it falls on me. Yet, I get so much love in return. Why am I pissy? Also too: why don’t I just ask Duty for more help? He ain’t called Duty for nothing and he usually says yes. It’s pretty much a guaranteed win/win here.) I’ll report progress (or lack thereof) next time.

Tales from the Front

This is true and it makes Duty sad every time he mentions it to me.

Have I told you before how I don’t care for domestic chores? I do like the result but abhor the process.

I’d like to blame that on my mother who did not set a stellar example herself but, you know, she had a blind, leg-less husband and me to take care of and that was more than enough for her. We had a nice lady named Margaret come and clean once a week.

Still, I fancy myself an adult now and again and I think domestic stuff is what adults do. Yet, I can’t quite figure out how to keep the clutter/dust/ick at bay.

In my perfect world, I’d make enough money (or apportion same in my budget) to have someone who DOES like to do those things take care of it for me. But Duty gets all wonky about it and then I internalize it as a failure on my part and it stirs up a lot of yuck inside me and between us. You’d think he’d prefer a clean house to the alternative but I suppose not. And after 13 years, you’d think he’d know it’s not going to get any better. He seems to hold out hope (or expectations or something …) that I will somehow change and all the clutter will make its way to the appropriate space.

So, he runs around feeling suffocated by it all and I run around feeling inadequate. Nothing gets done and the house is a dusty, cluttery mess.

I’m not sure what the solution is except for me to suck it up and deal. He does all the outside chores and the pots, pans and plastic stuff in the sink. (And the outside stuff is a lot – so I really don’t feel like asking him for more help inside is fair.)

(Uh oh. I just felt the martyr peek out. Noting this for future reference.)

There you have it, five people who read this. I’m writing more so that’s good. It’s mostly whining so that’s not as good. I wish I were like Gal and could write interesting posts about famous people and how they’ve touched my life. Or stuff my friends are doing (except I’m pretty open about this blog so they’d see it.) I think you’re stuck with whining, my hopes and dreams, and intermittent stories about whining and dreams with a few COOKies sprinkled in.

Blah blah blah

Jeebus, people are boring! and banal! And they get on my nerves!

June 4, 2013 Written by Lisa

I’ve just about had it with Facebook. People post the dumbest shit.

(And yes, I sometimes include myself in that category which is why I’ve tried to step back from posting lately.)

You may not be aware of this but I have these inner “rules for living” that I feel everyone should abide by. (I’m only half kidding. Isn’t that sad?)

And the weird thing is that just because you’re not aware that I have said rules doesn’t man I won’t try to hold you to them. (In my head, of course. Not in real life. Well, probably not in real life. Depends on my mood.)

When people go against my rules that makes me want to take an ice pick and get all Dexter-like on their ass.

Lisa’s Rules of Order (the abbreviated, mostly-relevant-to-Facebook version)

1) Don’t post that you are a restaurant or bar. No one cares where you are. (For reals)

2) Don’t post stupid random thoughts “Cooler temps for the next few days! Yay!” or “LAST full week of school!!!”- really? Don’t you have a pet you can share this brilliance with?

3) If you’re not sure that your sense of humor translates to the written word, just don’t attempt it. Because nine times out of ten, it’s a big fail.

4) If you’re gonna write vague fuckin’ posts, at least make them interesting. “Someone help me hide the body fast!” is significantly better than “The FOT teacher’s name on The Middle is Mr. Waller; the FOT teacher’s name on Family Guy is Mr. Vargas. Mind blown. Wut.” (Jesus, take the wheel, please!!)

5. If I really like you, I seem to have more tolerance for goofy ass posts. Lately, however, I’m finding that I don’t like many people I’ve friended on FB. And when I’m in an unfriending mood, I am ruthless.

6. What’s that stupid saying? “Save the drama for yo mama” – yes. Dear God, yes. There are so many people who crave attention (hence the vague status entries and all the “What’s wrong?” or “You’re the best. I love you.” kinds of follow-up posts.) and it makes me both sad and aggravated.

(Side note: I’d have been one of those people if FB had been around during my teen/20’s angsty years. But I had the appropriate place to whine: a journal and then later, this here blog. That way no one else would see it (journal) or five people would see it (blog). That’s better than spamming the time lines of all 9,375 friends on FB. (I don’t have that many – in fact, there are probably 30-40 who are on my “see everything” list and the rest are on acquaintances where they see only a few things.) So yeah. “Ain’t nobody got time for that.” (h/t Sweet Brown, I love you so!)

*Gal, none of this is directed at you and I know you know that. I loves you bunches.

Join us next time when we post Lisa’s Rules of Order for every day life. I know you can’t wait!

What’s your Facebook peeve?

BitchLog, General Blatherings

“More is required of you”

May 29, 2013 Written by Lisa

I loves me some Rev Deb!

What? You don’t know who she is? Holy Cow! Where have you been?

Heh

I have only recently come upon her myself but oh, do I love her!

And I’m not even sure where to begin to describe her but I’ll try.

She founded InnerLight Ministries, an omni-faith ministry located in California. She’s also been a HUGE proponent of civil rights legislation and particularly LGBT issues.

One of the most compelling speakers I’ve ever listened to for sure.

Here’s some of the official bona fides from her site:

Rev. Deborah L. Johnson is the founding minister and president of Inner Light Ministries, an omnifaith outreach ministry dedicated to teaching the practical application of universal spiritual principles to all of life’s circumstances.

She holds a vision of oneness, beyond creed and doctrine, and feels particularly called to heal the sense of separation between those adhering to conservative and progressive ideologies.

She is founder and president of The Motivational Institute, an organizational development consulting firm specializing in cultural diversity serving the public, private, and non-profit sectors. As a dynamic public speaker, she is known for her ability to bring clarity to complex and emotionally charged issues.

But what I love most about her is that she is a beautiful channel for the Divine. (Or The Infinite, as she calls it.) She brings through Divine Wisdom in a way that resounds so strongly with me that I could fly up on that vibration and just float away.

She’s channeled two books: “The Sacred Yes” and “Your Deepest Intent” and wow … I’ve highlighted so much of The Sacred Yes that I may as well just start highlighting the whole thing!

And I long to do what she does.

When she channels, I can feel it.

I can breathe it.

I can’t really explain how and even if you listened, you might not experience it the same way. Channeling is a really interesting experience, actually. It’s about just moving your monkey mind out of the way and allowing the wisdom to come through. No clue what lifetime(s) taught me how to do what I do but I can do it in my sleep.

But to do THIS??

EEEK!!

David Neagle says that no desire exists in you without the skills necessary to fulfill that desire. For example, I really have no interest nor desire to be a brain surgeon. According to this axiom, it follows that I don’t have the innate skills to do that. (And I really don’t! Do not be putting your brain in my hands, yo!)

But I am already an amazingly clear channel for Spirit Guides.

And the desire to step into it bigger feels like it’s bubbling up around the edges. I don’t really know where that desire is going to take me, should I surrender into it.

And lately, I’m wondering if I even have a choice as it’s calling so strongly. Heck, today I actually considered leaving here and going to study with her in California in their Practitioner of Higher Consciousness program!

(I know, right? How wild would that be?)

For now, though, I’ll start opening my heart to this and see where that leads. And who knows? Maybe you’ll see me one day bringing through beautiful, high vibrational guidance from the Infinite that helps someone change their whole life. (It sure would change mine!)

(How’s this for a non-whiny post? Pretty good, eh?)

PS: The title of the post came from a channeling she did recently where it was said that if you were listening on that call “More is required of you” and I keep asking “What is the MORE for me?” – is this the answer? I don’t know (yet).

Blah blah blah, General Blatherings

Please Mister Please, don’t play B-17

May 23, 2013 Written by Lisa

Why is this awful Olivia Newton John song playing in my damn head? It’s like my inner radio is stuck on WSUK – all suck, all the time. It’s possible that it’s a message from the great beyond and if so, I’d like to redirect them to better song choices to get that messsage through. (I’m now listening to it to see if there is indeed a message. So far … no.)

(geez, this was drecky – right up there with Afternoon Delight – bleah. All her songs of that timeframe were mealy-mouthed and floaty. Just. No.)

Anyway, I’m excited to have FIVE days off (woo hoo!) – today I’m taking the kids to doggie day care and then going to the library to work on my PI Mentoring Program. I so wish we had a good coffee shop over here but alas, no.

(As an aside: We just have a Dunkin Donuts and in the morning all the old farts gather to discuss how to get the “Keynan Muslim Socialist” currently occupying the white house out. And you know I just cannot stand hearing bald faced lies without my blood pressure going through the roof. Do they listen to facts? Awww, hell no. Facts are bullshit, man! We’d rather listen to the voices in Glenn Beck’s head tell us what to think.)

I digress.

Can’t wait to teach these 9 wonderful women all the stuff I know about doing intuitive readings. I’ve taken eleven million courses over the years on intuitive development but there’s nothing out there exactly like this. I want to work with conscious individuals who are dedicated to walking their higher spiritual path. Those who are just getting on that path, well, I’m not the best teacher for that. And since it’s beginner levels, there are TONS of courses around.

This desire to teach this particular thing came at the intersection of two events: one was being asked to receive a reading from a budding intuitive in exchange for feedback on it and the other was listening to one of my fellow intuitives give readings that I felt weren’t as helpful as they could have been. My focus has always, always been on bringing that broad guidance down to earth and helping others put it into action. (Hence, practically intuitive) so when I receive readings or hear others give readings that don’t offer that, it always PINGS me. Sort of a reminder to go do that thing.

So, I did! And nine people followed along with me into this journey. Wheee!

Today is Lauren’s 27th birthday and I really wonder where she’d have been in her life now had her soul decided to stay. There wasn’t a person around who didn’t feel her radiant inner light and I know that were she here today, she would be continuing to shine that Light for others in some unique way.

I’ve said it before and it’s true always: I think of her every single day. And I’m so so so thankful that she is able to make contact with me from the other side. If I didn’t hold the belief that I will be with her again (as we have been together in many, many lifetimes before), I’d probably never crawl out of the well of sadness that her leaving created in my heart. She’s the closest I came to having a child of my own (she’s the child who was born of my heart if not my body) and that’s an experience I am so grateful to have.

Watched this wonderful video about a young man with the same type of cancer Lauren had (osteosarcoma) and saw the kind of Light in him that I also saw in her. (It’s 22 minutes of joy and tears – so worth watching. He just transitioned from the physical on Monday.)

Bless those who can shine that light in such a big, big way and inspire us to make the best use of our time in this incarnation.

Blah blah blah, Lauren