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Ouch! My ass and other things you are dying to hear about – the Spring edition

March 19, 2013 Written by Lisa

Here my A’s to your (unasked-for-but-I-can-read-your-mind) Q’s:

Dear FOUR readers whom I love muchly,

1) Yes, I did, in fact, spend $65 on a sports bra at Nordstroms because there is no way you can jump rope with double D’s and not live to regret it. Just sayin’, mmkay? I think the puppies are relatively strapped down but short of wearing two bras (which I hear IS done), this is as good as it gets.

2) I thought I was a loner. That must have changed some time in the last year because I’m more “lonely” than “loner” these days. Surely there’s a balance between dealing with morons for 8 hours a day AND sitting at home, sulking in silence, yes? I believe I haz found it. Read on, Mcduff!

3) Day 2 of part-time work position and I am quite happy about it. I don’t have to deal with 100 ringing phones, morons at the front desk, and idiot brokers (although speaking of such, Mr. Big Stuff gave me a huge hug when he saw me back in the office. Usually he talks shit about people and throws them under the bus. I believe he has done both with me at some point but it’s no longer relevant so he can be magnanimous, I suppose.). I am back in the corner suite working with the highest producing team in the office (MBS is knocking it out of the park this year – these ladies will have to kick some ass to catch up with him!) and their phones are not (too) crazy and I get to do all the crap work! YEY! (Seriously, give me a task and let me research and I’m happy.)

4) Part 2 of work: I am so happy to have a routine again and see my friends. I missed them all. And it’s also nice to be welcomed back into the fold with open arms. This may be a good balance between PI stuff and non-PI stuff. Plenty of time for both and it keeps me focused and moving so RAH RAH for me!

5) Brogan is LOVING his time at the doggie day care with second mama Melissa. He comes home exhausted and it’s so peaceful and nice. Win/Win for all.

6) Why is my ass ouching? Crossfit trainer takes no pity on the chubster. Just none. Today we did 5 overhead presses (I did 15lbs), 10 deadlifts and 15 step-ups. As many rounds as we could in 10 minutes. (I did 3) 15 lbs isn’t too bad the first go-round (and stop laughing at me all you people who are pressing a kazillion pounds in your sleep) but by the 3rd, my arms were tired, my butt was aching from doing the squats and the step ups and whew! My heart was beating out of my chest. I’ll be paying for this tomorrow.
Woman relaxes in a marble tiled bath tub.
I need some wine, a bubble bath and a massage.

None of which I’ll be getting tonight.

But a girl can dream, right?

BitchLog, Lists and more lists

Things up with which I will not put!

March 8, 2013 Written by Lisa

I’m pretty sure this is #398 in an endless series of my rants. I’d post them on FB but it’d be one of those posts people say “Does she have to share every damn thing?” and yeah, that’s what blogs are for, amirite?
crazy

And now, things up with which I shall not put!

1) Text speak: for the love of all that is fucking holy, please stop this. PLEASE. I just saw someone post this as a comment on FB and it just set me off. “Hope U R back on ur feet soon.” Would 6 more letters have saved them that much time? Is there a fee for how many letters you can use in a sentence? It just irks the shit out of me to see this and makes me feel like the entire civilized world is in a shit hole. (It is, but not because of text speak.) And do not even get me started on this sort of thing on church signs. I see that all the time over here and I want to send them a letter letting them know that it doesn’t make them look cooler or more hip to do that. One said “All R Welcome.” NO! NO! NO! (I rarely get this fired up unless it’s political or woo but this really bugs me. Is it my Catholic school education or is it my soul reverence for the written word? Not sure but it really makes me want to take a chainsaw to those signs.)

(Deep breath)

2. STOP using biblical references to “back up” your hatred and judgement. STOP IT. If you choose to believe that being gay is shameful and sinful and all that BS, well, first you might want to take the plank out of your own eye (I’m just sayin’, because SOMETHING is going on there inside you that feels icky that you don’t want to face) but second, who are you to judge someone else’s choice in matters of that nature (and many others)?

If someone is “sinning”, well, that’s between them and God, isn’t it? We are each accountable to God (Infinite Intelligence, Creator, Flying Spaghetti Monster) for our own actions and consequences in this life. Pay attention to your own life and actions. If you are living in accordance with the morals that feel authentic to you, good on ya. If someone else is not living in a way that is in accordance with your morals, why should you give a shit? It’s not your life to control.

Stop shaming others for who they are. STOP IT.

(REALLY DEEP BREATH)

3. Speaking of shaming, I had something had something happen back in January with a teacher I had worked with and respected immensely. She over-reacted to something I did and sent me the most scathing and shaming email I think I’ve ever received in my life. It felt like I got punched in the gut! As an emotional empath, I can feel someone’s emotions (should I be open at the time) as if they were my own with the same force and intensity. She was very angry when she sent this email and I read it at a time when I was feeling particularly vulnerable and the combination of the two sent me off a cliff. It stirred up just about every shameful cell I had going on in my body. Just horrible.

As someone who works with others in the most tender of areas, I would never, ever. ever, ever send an email like that. PERIOD. The damage it can do is enormous and as a teacher of divine spirituality, I’d have expected her to know that. I wrote back and apologized for my mis-step, taking ownership of it and sharing my thoughts about what happened. Her second email back was like a different person sent it. Almost as if the other email and all the energy along with it had never been sent. It was most confusing. ::BOGGLE::

Thing is, though: I earned that smack in the head.

I didn’t listen last year when my Guides suggested that I end my work with her. She gives a lot of information and I love information and I allowed myself to go chasing after that. In order to support me in stepping away from an influence that is no longer beneficial, the Universe helped bring about this situation. It hurt like a big dog, I won’t lie. But it got me to fully and completely step away from her and her influence. I cannot accept working with someone (whom I paid, no less!) who will treat me like that. I will not allow that in my life.

So, I got a situation where I had to step into owning that. I unsubbed from all her emails, her classes and pretty much stepped out of her Universe. We are no longer in vibratory harmony and that’s okay. She helped and supported me when I needed it, I paid her to do that and we are even on that score.

When you put others on a pedestal, watching them fall is hard. Harder still when they fall on you and you have to clean up the shards from it all. February was me, cleaning up the shards.

And now, onward.

(Peaceful breath)

Okay, just had to get that out. Thank you for listening!

What’s something up with which YOU shall not put?? Spill it in the comments!

BitchLog, Blah blah blah, General Blatherings

All the news (not) fit to print!

March 1, 2013 Written by Lisa

I keep meaning to come here and write stuff out but then I get sidetracked listening to 37 podcasts and eating Hershey kisses. (That is sadly true.)

And now, the latest news in Snarklandia:

Back to work, back to reality: Yep, going back part time to ye olde place of employ. It could be for a few months, it could be longer. I’m really happy about it because I have not found enough to do in my day to keep me out of a ditch. PI is going okay (could be better) but there’s just not enough going on to keep me moving forward and I end up sitting around, feeling lost and sometimes sad. I could be cleaning, it’s true (but I’m not), I could be de-cluttering (no I’m not) so mostly I wander around feeling lost.

After 30 years of regimented routine, I realize that the balance helps keep me grounded, motivated and moving. So, M-Th 9-1. I can totes do that. :)

There was a much deeper personal reason for being nudged toward Crossfit and while I won’t go into it much here, it all came flowing through when talking to my coach yesterday. (I love her, btw.) I was mentioning that when I’m there, it’s like I pull out all my vulnerabilities and humiliation and lay it on the table for everyone to see. That started a flood of information coming through her about an event in a past life and my deep humiliation over the fact that my body failed me when trying to get away from a bad situation and I died in a very public way because of it.

Once she started sharing what she got, it was so vivid – I could FEEL all of it and it brought me close to a panic attack right here in my house. By the time we got off the phone (45 minutes later) I felt like I had been through a war of some kind. My point being is that when I get guidance like I did when I heard “Crossfit” that day while driving, I don’t always know what it’s about but I trust that by following it, the answer will become clear.

This one became clear in stages. I remember driving home in tears the first few times I went and had no idea what that was about. Then came the confidence that I really could do this. Recently, I hit the resistance wall and didn’t want to go anymore. It was in explaining why to my coach that the vision hit her. The reason it comes up now is so that it can be cleared and healed. Which, of course, I will do.

(Just writing this out caused me to get all tense and stressed. It’s a fairly recent past life so when I go there, it feels as if it’s happening all over again.)

Teeth update: $20,000 YO! Yeah, so we’re waiting a bit on that. Holy shit. More than half of it is the implants for the bottom denture – they put four implants in and then a bridge thing across it so that you can *click* the bottom denture in and it stays in place much better. (secretly, I’m so so so glad to wait on this.)

And finally, we are not getting a new dog. I wanted one – I suppose out of a need to be loved the way Brogan loves Duty (and vice-versa) and saw a sweetie named Esme from the same rescue org where we got Brogan. Took him over to meet her yesterday and while she is cute and nice, I could feel it wouldn’t be a good fit. Duty felt it too, so we nixed that idea.

And it was silly of me to create more chaos in my life as I’m going back to working 4 days a week. Still, I was (am?) in need of some love and bonding as much as it annoyed me that Lucie followed me everywhere. Sophia cat is so independent (like a regular cat) and she sometimes comes to get her loves when I am on my laptop playing games (often 30-80 hours a day!). I think I just wanted a bit more or a bit different. I dunno what I want, really. (As usual. Such a Libra am I!)

What’s the haps in your world, three readers??

Blah blah blah, General Blatherings

Mish-Mash of Glip-Glop

February 7, 2013 Written by Lisa

Thanks Gal, Jody and Jenn for your comments on my political rant. Gal, props hardcore to you for speaking out on that elevator. I don’t know that I’d be able to do it but … who knows? I might.

My (tea-party loving) aunt keeps telling me that I don’t see the underbelly of things as she does when she goes to fight the state to get assistance for her developmentally challenged daughter. She claims that there are all these illegal immigrants in the offices when she goes and that she’s one of the few “Americans” there.

(As an aside, how do you bitch about all the people on government assistance while you, yourself, are there seeking … government assistance? ::boggle::)

It’s possible I am looking at all this from the perspective of someone who has money in the bank to pay our bills. Until I met and married Duty, though, I lived pretty much hand to mouth.

When I first moved out of my mother’s house, I gave her half my monthly paycheck because she lost her job soon after I moved. I lived on about $400 a month at that point – rent and all. So, I’ve been there. It does suck, I know. I am grateful every single day that we have enough. And I am very giving whenever I feel that ‘nudge’ to do so (which is often – could be a dog in need, could be someone’s child raising funds to go on a trip to Africa, could be all the things I donate to the hospice store here and don’t take tax deductions on it …. Like Gal, I do what I’m called to do.)

I do feel passionately that we cannot exist in a “I got mine, fuck you” world. We cannot. It’s from that perspective that I feel frustrated. Most of all, I’m angry with those who seek to gain $$$$$ exploiting people’s fears.

That’s what’s going on with my aunt. Her husband lost his good job about a year or so into their marriage and since then they’ve barely hung on, using up all their savings, IRA money etc. She keeps up a brave front but I know it eats away at her. He found work last year but they’ve got a lot of catch up to do. I know there’s a lot of fear there and worry. I get it.

It’s hard to be all woo and kumbaya about it when you’re living one paycheck to the next. So she watches Fox and the fears get going – someone is taking stuff that’s hers. There won’t be enough. Obama is a bad, evil person out to steal everything you have. Over and over and over. I don’t blame her at all. She’s doing the very best she can. I get angry that she’s being exploited. And it makes my heart sad that I can’t do much more than I am doing. (Probably a discussion for my Guides and me. I’ve got some “tiny fists of impotent rage” going on over here.)

So yeah. There’s that.

Dental update

(because you’re dying to know, amirite?) I’m waiting for a consult with the oral surgeon to determine timing for the dental work that lies ahead. I’ll probably have a wee nervous breakdown before I go for the official pulling of the back teeth. Perhaps they’ll give me some xanax or something. That’d be nice.

Crossfit update

My pal Christine and I decided to do a duet class at the CF gym near here. It made me sad to leave my CF Mommy (Shannon) for the real-world but so be it. We all have to grow up or something. We went for our first class on Tuesday. EEEK! I realized what a baby I am. I whined my way through it. Christine said she couldn’t believe how scared I was because I am always so inspiring and positive. I said yeah, for emo stuff. When it comes to CF, I’m a chubby 8 year old who can’t keep up and is scared to death. I was actually embarrassed at how much I whined. The day will come, though, when I get through all of it and the 8 year old becomes more confident. (That day feels far away, though.)

Anyway, that’s all the updates you’re getting from me. (At least for today!)

Blah blah blah

A righteous rant

February 3, 2013 Written by Lisa

I’ve gotten myself into trouble by wading into the political waters with the few friends I have who identify as right-wing leaning.

And apparently, I’m pretty annoying with my little liberal tendencies because I’ve been asked to stop posting about it by some of those people.

But the more the fear gets ratcheted up by those who make money off it, the more I cannot stand it. I see people who I know to be loving, giving individuals make such ignorant (of the facts) comments and it makes me wonder: what are you afraid of?

Just this morning, someone I used to be friends with long ago posted some vile shit on Facebook about claiming everyone on food stamps and welfare as their dependents on the tax forms. (It was some insipid joke sent around via email, I’m sure.)

She ignored everything I wrote about safety nets we ALL pay into as part of the social compact we agree to as citizens of the United States and proceeded to go off about what my views are on gun control. (WTF? Okay.) I said no need for ANYONE to have military grade assault weapons so yes to banning those (again) and to enforce what rules we do have about background checks (which we are not doing) etc.

That elicited her comment that clearly I want to chip away at the Second Amendment. Uh. no. I think she doesn’t understand why and for what reason the SA was created so I shared some background on that. (“well regulated militia” = National Guard and none of it was written giving permission to overthrow the government.)

I said, given her views about social safety nets, I expect she will also be foregoing Social Security and Medicare when the time comes for her to participate.

Another friend of hers chimed in about the perception that those on food stamps are lazy and don’t want to work and pointed out that a good percentage of food stamp recipients are the elderly, those single parents who are working but not earning enough to feed their kids etc. And that friend confided that she herself had taken advantage of this safety net a couple times when she could not find a job (but was able and desperately willing to work.)

My mom, who was on every government program she could apply for, was one of those who thought that SHE was entitled (because, after all (she’d tell you) she WORKED for it) but not others. (Others = African-Americans, to her)

Underneath all of that was the fear of “there’s not enough for me and someone (aka: a black person) is going to get what’s mine.

She even said as much. Truly, she did.

Fear is all it is. And those in power take advantage of that base instinct and prey on people. I can’t stand to see that.

My friend said that there’s too much abuse in the system (food stamps, medicaid, etc.) and while I’ll agree that there is abuse in ANY system like that, the answer is not to scrap it all and start over and especially so when so many people depend on it just to survive.

What I thought was shitty was her “joke” – if you think abuse is rampant and a part of the problem, what can YOU personally do to help change that? Sharing a vile “joke” that denigrates millions of people is not the best answer, IMO.

I was so angry about it, I whipped myself into a frenzy and yelled at Duty for something totally unrelated. Why do I feel so strongly about this kind of thing?

(I know this wasn’t the most coherent of posts but I think you get my drift about being angry at what’s being done to keep people in fear and believing things that are not true. Grrr.)

BitchLog, General Blatherings, High Drama, Political, Suckage