All of what follows is my Interesting Point of View as I wonder why it keeps showing up and pinging me:
I have two friends on FB who are really (REALLY) open about their sex life. Like, one person mentioned what a good weekend she had that included some great sex. And I was all “do I need to know this?” realizing all the while that it was poking me in some place. What came to mind initially was that I am not one to ever *EVER* discuss that in public. (In private and with certain people, sure but on Facebook? Oh hells to the no!)
So to see people who I know personally talking about it (and not in a magazine article or some place that feels fictional) felt weird. And I was aware of the weirdness.No judgement on them at all for doing so. Just an awareness that this very shadow side of me cringes in the light. I am also aware that I’ve lost any connection I’ve ever had with that part of myself for a lot of reasons, none of which I will go into here. That’s one of the reasons people discussing it in that way pings me. That Lisa feels long gone.
What else nudges and pokes me? More awareness that I really don’t do anything outside of my business much at all. Hobbies? hahahah Yeah. So, to remedy this, I am getting off the computer and doing things.
So far, my ‘doing things offline’ repertoire includes cleaning the pool of leaves (and occasionally frogs), crocheting nothing at all but doing it to integrate lessons I’m downloading, vacuuming my bedroom and all around the cat litter box (yes, I’ve had to resort to cleaning to get my ass off the couch) and cooking (when we get Blue Apron deliveries). None of which engages me much (if at all) but I’ve got to do SOMETHING. I realized that I loved the Paint Night in Utah and being able to splash colors on a canvas so I bought myself some Crayola paint and will play in that this week.
Balance is a helpful thing, so I’m learning. Also, when my business doesn’t light me up, it’s good to have other go-to’s that do. (And sadly, lately, it’s been the former more than I’d like to mention.)