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Posts in category Pretty Sure Ive gone insane
A thing or two
So, the work I’ve been doing all year through Fabeku’s Coherence Labs have helped me more than I can say. Learning where I’m out of alignment in my life has been eye-opening AND challenging at the same time.
Looking at my online stuff, I see I’ve got this blog, a closed-for-all-intents-and-purposes site in Practically Intuitive, a WTF do I do with this site in Be Who You Are and of course, all things Purple over at Purple Saturation. In addition, I’ve got FB pages for PI, BWYA, PS and me as a page + my personal FB page.
I don’t want all of that any longer so I made a decision. I’ve purchased the domain lisamw.com and will be doing everything there (except for Purple Saturation but will have links and descriptions on it).
And that means Snarkypants is coming to a close. That’s been in the offing for a while now but I have 14 years of my life here and didn’t want to just ditch it all. It will still be up for a while so I can download the archives (YEY for Beacon!) and Lauren’s stuff which I’m hoping to finally make into a book for her parents. When that’s complete, I will close it down.
Too much of me has been compartmentalized for reasons I won’t go into here. It’s time to pull it into one place – business, blogging, whatever-may-come. This is a big deal to me because it represents a coming together of many pieces that were spread out all over the place and is a result of a lot of personal work over the years and particularly so this year.
So, just a heads up. I’ll let you know when the other site is up and running. My goal is to get that done and start 2017 fresh from one place.
On another note: Some shitty news about the election and the sad part is I knew it was coming. I could feel it in my bones and when my friends were all posting how excited they were that we’d finally have a woman president, I knew they’d be disappointed. So, I was not at all surprised to see the outcome. Disheartened, oh yes. Surprised? No.
Here’s a thing, though. Spiritual Teachers come in every possible disguise.
Even ones such as Trump.
He is the very epitome of everything that can no longer be tolerated in our country. And he represents it in a way that is hard to ignore. I consider him a Spiritual Teacher for all time. (I’m working on an essay about that, btw.) It is because of him that many people who were half asleep are now awake and aware.
Secretary Clinton was, by far, the most experienced candidate. No question there. And yet, had she won, we would have all gone back to napping because business as usual, yeah? How close did we get to Bernie Sanders being the nominee? That spoke to the need for real, sustained change that benefited the whole. And yet, we couldn’t quite get there.
So, Mr. Trump moved to the fore and it will be by his hand (and sadly, Pence’s) that we lurch forward, painfully so. I am involved in a few groups now who are devoted to daily action rather than blathering on FB (of which I am guilty) and posting memes (ditto). It’s just a matter of time that things shift. I continue to pray for our country to do this as peacefully as possible and know and trust (in my own unwavering way) that this will all benefit us before too long.
Love and more love to you all. (And I’ll be posting here until I don’t so don’t go anywhere yet, all three of youse!)
Things I’m just gonna say
* I am way too pinged by my own body to be in the body positivity movement. I admire those who don’t give one damn about how they look and wear what they want, etc. and live and let live but there’s too much junk in my head? trunk? for me to embrace it. This is one of those ‘you know it intellectually but feel it personally’ kind of things.
* The Crisis Text line is a bit more challenging than I thought and in a very different way. I spend the bulk of my time in a group of friends who are very motivated to grow and change and take risks. I thought most people were that way and I’m learning that is so not the case. The people who text in are often lost, have some mental health challenges that makes moving forward difficult, and without hope or a feeling that they can change their situation in any way. Hopelessness is especially hard for me because it’s the energy my mom lived in most of her life and it weighs on me like a heavy, suffocating blanket. I get all spazzy like I have to ‘fix’ their situation and that’s not my place/role at all. But that energy is so uncomfortable to me that I want to make it change right away. Acknowledging that I’m triggered by it helps and I work hard to stay with the texter where they are but …. yeah. Challenging on lots of levels.
* The Prince work keeps speeding up, like a train I once had control of and now has just gone off the tracks and is zooming a mile a minute. (Whoa, Nellie!) There’s a FB page set up for it, I’ve been ‘chatting’ with people at the Prince.org site (where I’ve run into a lot of skeptics, as usual. All good. I’m learning.) and people are waiting for me to put out the Saturation Session offers. I’ve been dragging my feet for a bunch of reasons (scared to offer for money, maybe? P has his own rules for things and I so want to say “I didn’t come up with the price” (because it’s higher than I am comfortable with) but he’s all about “put it out there and move on”. This whole thing has called me even more into the bigness of who I’m willing to be and how I claim (or don’t!) it.
* Trip to Salt Lake City a couple weeks ago was great. I love working with Angella’s clients and have really found my own space in doing so. It was really nice to sleep in a damn bed after couch surfing all summer.
I’ve started 4 posts in the last month and nothing’s coming out the way I want, hence this “Imma just say it” thing.
Hope you all are having a lovely September.
Yes, it’s time for another adventure
… with me and Wee Spirit Animal
So, when we left our heroine, she was awaiting a reading from her favorite medium (Amy Venezia) wherein she would learn what WSA was asking from her.
Shall I tell you that as our heroine read the channeled message, she started crying and hyperventilating at the same time? (’tis true)
Here we go (with my comments in blue):
“The very first thing I am getting is him wanting me to reassure you that you are hearing and receiving message from him. To let go of all doubt, as it only limits you. He is saying to look at the other humans on this planet channeling higher beings and consider this. Just because you were aware of him while he was in body…and that you were both in body at the same time on this planet, makes it no different. See him as the higher being he is and when you get nervous or feel in a way, foolish…that fear pops up that you might look crazy or judged in some way…just think of him in body…the way he dressed. He wore heels! He said that with exuberant joy! He wore boas and ruffles and he wrote music…that not everyone on the planet was going to get. Take a chance like he did…every time you feel any doubt. He wants you to understand not everyone is going to get it, not everyone got him either. Be okay with that fully and that is a huge block that will shift and release. When it does, you will see doors fly open. ”
So yeah, I’ve for sure been talking with him. (I didn’t have any doubt but, you know, it’s nice to have it affirmed.) I was glad that he said not everyone will get it as a reminder because I know as I get out there more with it, I will face judgement. I am willing to receive it. Read More »
All the things I just cannot with
There’s so much ‘stuff’ on FB these days – noise, sadness, arguing, etc. that I can’t overly add to that without feeling like I’m just dumping so I’ll do that in my safe space here. Take that as fair warning that this will be a whiny-ass post and read or move along as suits your needs. (Thank you.)
I just cannot with the following:
- Noise. Oh my God! OH MY GOD. I do my best work in silence and it also restores me so having none of that and in fact, quite the opposite of that, has thrown me off kilter hard-core. Not only is there noise, but there is no space for me to go in the house where there is quiet. All the spaces available have Duty, television, dogs, a cat and noise. I used to retreat to my bedroom for that but since it’s under construction, no can do. So, this girl is feeling it big time. I’ll live and yes, first world problems but dang. It’s messing with me.
- Work. Remember mama saying last time that she’s bitten off more than she can chew? Mama has bitten off half a damn cow! This is good in that it’s forcing me to create priorities but it’s also stressing me out at a time when that’s really not helpful to said work at all. Routine is/will be/has to be my friend. The office space I’m using temporarily isn’t the best but it will do for now. The only difference really between it and the quiet room in the library is that I can bring coffee in there if I want and also do phone calls.
- Dogs. This is why I probably would have made a shitty mom because I am over my dogs and their incessant barking, whining and general neediness. Most days, I can hold space for that but minus the quiet, add the chaos and overwhelm and you’ve reached my limit. It’s my fault they are spoiled, I know. Again, mama-suckage in full-view.
- Chubs. Yes, I’ve abandoned taking care of myself so fast, it was just a blur. Yesterday, I ate cereal for breakfast and lunch. (It could be worse, I know. Still, poor choices.) Again, again and again, I go away from my body because it’s too much effort when I know – I KNOW – that it’s going to hurt me in the end. I don’t know how to love myself into less of me. I don’t know that I know how to take up space without all the space I take up. I just don’t know.
- Connection. One of the ways I’ve allowed people into my space is neediness. If they need something, I. AM. THERE. Then, after a while, where that’s all that exists, I am very unhappy and begin to dislike them. (Which is shitty, because this is not their fault at all. I’ve allowed it. Just like with the dogs.) There are some people who I connect with in a different way where they own their stuff, I own mine, we talk and laugh and keep moving. But those relationships are few. Still, they feed me. And I have been starving myself (possibly why the cookies fill a need, you know?)
Okay, that’s it for now. The banging and drilling has begun in earnest and the dogs are on high alert and my peaceful is now not peaceful any longer. There is a rainbow, however. The new bathroom will be magnificent when it’s done and I’ll be able to move around in the shower, flush the toilet less than 30 times for one pee, my bedroom will no longer be a paneled space and the energy will be different. That’s a good thing.
(Thanks for reading. Maybe this is what The Whine Line site should be. Just me and my whining so you only go there if you are ready for that.)
