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Back to life slowly

January 9, 2016 Written by Lisa

I am just now coming out of my almost 3-week haze of bronchitis and near-pneumonia and I’m ready. While I’ve enjoyed sleeping most of the day away, losing weight because food tastes blargy and having Duty fuss over me, it’s past time to feel well again.

Dean Strang

#sekritboyfriend2

I’m still fascinated with “Making a Murderer” and have deemed defense lawyer Dean Strang as official ‘sekrit boyfriend #2’ Although the internets has also deemed him their boyfriend so I’ll have to get in line for this.

In an earlier time in my life, I wanted to be a lawyer (and after that a journalist and finally, a therapist) so this case appeals to all three of those desires. I’m currently spending a lot of time on Reddit going over the case with others who are as obsessed as I am. Clearly, none of us has a life.

Just wanted you to know I’m alive and mostly well. Hope you all are, too!

 

Blah blah blah, What's that about?

All clear!

December 7, 2015 Written by Lisa

So says the results of the colonoscopy! YEY! The worst part of it was hanging out in the waiting area, prepped and ready to go. For 30 minutes. Where I had to listen to chatter from the nursing station (that was okay) and random farting from people who had already been through the procedure. I think it was David Sedaris who called it ‘the farting room‘ in his tale of colonoscopy-land.

angels It wasn’t bad, per se, but I began to get all manner of scared over what they might find (cancer) and how I cannot go through that at all (it involves pain and lots of barfing) and and and …. see? I scare the (very little at this point) shit out of my own self. My angels rolled in as did Lauren and told me to cool my anxiety jets. (I did.)

The tech nurse and the anesthesiologist were super and really put me at ease. Once she pumped me full of propofol, I was OUT. Like, one minute awake, the next OUT. It was great.

The bloaty feeling afterward? Not great. Glad this is over with. Next time, though, I have to do better with my prep, said the doc. Fasting one whole day before the procedure and not the mere 24 hours I did (because I thought I read the directions correctly). I have to go back in 5 years (vice 10) to make sure nothing was missed. That’s okay. Better to know than not.

Why Lisa has the out-of-proportion heebie-jeebies re: any medical procedure

See, here’s the thing: as a child, I spent a lot of time in hospital waiting areas because my dad was often there as a patient. He was ill in one way or another as long as I can remember. It’s part of the reason I am terribly anxious when someone is vomiting because to me that equals ‘someone very sick, possibly dying’.

So I enter into any visit to the doctor with enormous trepidation. Like, off the scale size trepidation. It’s ridiculous, I know. Much of it has to do with icky body stuff, some of it to do with the ‘OMG, she’s dying’ stuff but there is a part that’s about having to deal with anything related to my body in a way that causes me embarrassment. (I imagine if I had birthed another actual human with all the attendant body ick that goes along with it, I’d be over this. But nope.)

For example,  the aforementioned farting room created some moments of wee terror for ye olde Snarkela. I had to POD/POC my way through the anxiety that bubbled up (hah! get it?) over this happening in any sort of public setting. It is a rare occasion that anyone hears this, if I can possibly control it.

Also too: I don’t really want anyone poking around in my nether regions. (Who does? If you do, don’t answer, k?)

tl;dr:

  1. Body stuff = ick, anxiety, fears of death and barfing (almost the  same thing to me)
  2. Anesthesia is awesome
  3. Don’t make up your own rules for bowel prep
  4. Farting in public is unavoidable after this procedure but at least you can do it quietly (I did)

And there you have it, The Colonoscopy Diaries, Volume One.

Blah blah blah, High Drama

In over my head!!

December 3, 2015 Written by Lisa

So, on a whim, I applied for a part time customer support position with SumoMe, a site with tools to power websites. I use a lot of them on my own site, as a matter of fact, and like them very much.

The requirements for this position are as follows:

  • You’ve installed SumoMe on your site (CHECK)
  • You enjoy taking care of people (CHECK) (sort of)
  • You may have done customer support role in a similar company (CHECK-ISH)
  • You have basic HTML skills (CHECK-ISH) (I know how to get around my own site pretty well and can learn stuff quickly so, yeah check-ish)
  • You like solving problems (CHECK)
  • Dealing with criticism doesn’t affect you (SHHH! We won’t tell them. I’ll just POD POC it and all will be well!)
  • You have a fun taste in music :) (COOKIE – need I say more? heh)

Good news! I made it to round 2 by answering some interesting questions for them. Woot! I’ve got this!

Then I notice the next round of ‘interesting’ questions and I’m like “Yeah, I’m so in over my head.”

doubt5 (1)Please post a YouTube video showing yourself installing SumoMe and setting up List Builder, Share, Heatmaps, and Welcome Mat on a website. (UUUUHHHH …. I’ve done all of this on my own site but nothing like recording a video of it! Fucking hell!)

Where should a <!DOCTYPE> be located in the HTML of a website and why? (I cheated and looked this up. Is that bad?)

A few were easy peasy:

How would you respond to this? “Why won’t anyone help me?? Your product is really hard to use, your support website is too hard to use and is not friendly to very new users!” (Ha! That’s nothing compared to “You people are stealing my money! The stock market has stolen all my money and I want it back or I’m going to file a complaint!” –> just another day at many of my former places of employ!)

How do you deal mentally with customer complaints? I don’t think they’ll know what POD-POCing is so here’s what I said (because it’s mostly true): “My sense is this: everyone just wants to be heard. Some do it in a kind way and some do it in a not-so-kind way, especially when they’re frustrated. I keep this in mind and don’t take anything personally (and you know that can be a challenge, eh?) but after years of working with all kinds of clients, I’ve learned that letting them know up front that I’m willing to listen and to help works wonders. So, that’s always my intention: be willing to listen and help and let them know we’re partners, not adversaries.”

 

So yeah. I am not even sure if I should go through all this for a job that might be more of a pain in the ass than not. I was just goofing around, got a nudge to apply and here I am.

And no, I’m not abandoning PI. In fact, I’ve got a super program that I think will be my ‘signature program’ to come out either late this month or early January but am looking at other streams of income just for kicks.

This one, though, might be over my head as it’s more technical than I’ve ever done and even though I’m a wee tech nerd, it’s at my own speed and not helping others who are bitchy.

I’ll keep y’all posted as I know you’re on the very edge of your seat, amirite?

High Drama

Life without my mother’s energy

May 24, 2014 Written by Lisa

I loved my mother dearly because she was an amazingly strong woman who lived through so many awful situations in her life.

My grandmother forbid her from marrying the only man she truly loved (who loved her back wholeheartedly) because it was 1954 and he was divorced and that was shameful and unacceptable in the Catholic church. She became sort of a recluse after that and grieved that loss for years. (Can’t say I blame her – I have letters he sent her and oh, he loved her in a way my dad did not.)

The man she married (my dad) lost his eyesight a year and a half into the marriage and both his legs when I was 10. She worked full-time, taking care of us both without much regard for what she wanted and needed. When I tell you my dad could be a hard-core shithead, that doesn’t even cover it some days. He was angry about a lot of things in his life (booted out of the monastery for being sick and never getting to live his dream of being a priest and his loss of eyesight and legs pretty much equaled zero autonomy) and took much of it out on her. She took it and took it and took it, being wounded to the very core by his words and actions.

And to find that the only child she would ever have adored and loved this man over and above her? The icing on the cake, I’m sure. So much hurt, so much pain she endured.

She was just 44 when my dad died and she never entertained any thoughts about another relationship with someone. As far as she was concerned, she was DONE with that and all her focus turned to me.

Who, of course, did not want that focus and fought it off tooth and nail. I was so very cruel to my mother for a good part of my teen years, desperately trying to get away from her oppressive hopelessness. We would often get into punching and slapping fights, I am sorry to say. Separating out from her became my life’s work because we were enmeshed from the very beginning. different

And so, when her energy departed during the shamanic healing session, I emerged for the first time without her influence. Without the clinging, the desperation and the fear that someone I loved would be cruelly taken from me. I no longer carry the feeling that all I get is the “shitty end of the stick” (as she was wont to say).

I get to be just Lisa.

 

It feels like I walked into a whole new world where I am strong, where I don’t fear being abandoned, where I can stand in what I know to be true about myself and leave all the crap behind.

It’s her stuff. It’s what she came to work on in the world. How she did with her soul’s agreement is not for me to know. All I know is that I feel free. Like I’ve been sprung from prison after being wrongly accused and incarcerated for 53 years.

It’s taken me this long to be able to step into the next part of my journey. It’s taken me years of therapy, coaching, crying and hiding to get to this place.

I wish I could find the words to convey what a profound moment this is in my life.  I feel like a child seeing DisneyLand for the very first time and am filled with wonder and the desire to go on every ride right  RIGHT NOW.

Shedding all that doesn’t work for me (pretzel snarfing is a big one!) and inviting in what does has been the order of the week. I don’t think Duty can tell the difference (yet) or if he does, he’s not saying anything. Try as I might to explain all this to him, I just don’t think he gets it. He shrugs and says “Well, if you feel a difference, that’s all that matters.”  (sigh)  I want to scream at him saying “Don’t you see? EVERYTHING has changed!!” but I don’t because 1) he doesn’t deserve screaming and 2) it will show up in time and he’ll notice it when he’s ready (or not).

As in all matters highly spiritual, I share my joy with those who DO get it: my biz coach and my personal coach. The former saw it happen before her eyes and the latter is helping me manage the enormous sea change that’s taking place.  (I am deeply indebted to both women.)

I love my mother with all my heart. And I am glad her energy is gone.

Guides and Teachers, Happy Stuff, Light Bulb, teh WooWoo

Three posts in three days? What is the world coming to?

May 14, 2014 Written by Lisa

LazyDon’t get yer panties in a wad, yo.  I am doing this in between laundry and packing so that’s pretty much why you’re getting so much snark-a-riffic news.

Onward:

Do you believe in magic? When have you felt it?

Yes, but it’s spiritual magic, not magic for self-gain or whatever.  Energy / magic just is so it’s the intent with which you use it that matters.  I like the “using my powers for good” kind.

Is there something that people consistently ask for your advice on? What is it?

Woo stuff, usually.  And other internet related things like “what’s the best app for (whatever)” or “where can I find (whatever)?  I’m queen of finding shit online.

Have you ever fantasized about changing your first name? To what?

No, not really.  When I was younger, I wanted to be called Chris or Terry because it seemed to me all the cool girls were named that.  Lisa seems to suit me fine, now.

When was the last time you astonished yourself?

Back when I was doing Crossfit.  I couldn’t believe I was able to do some of those things (with an enormous amount of coaxing from my wonderful trainer).  It felt good to do something I never thought I could.

What’s your personal anthem or theme song?

i don’t think I have one, actually.  Favorite song I can feel in my bones? “Ain’t Nobody” by Chaka Khan and Rufus

Do you ever yearn for your life, before Facebook?

No.  As much as I bitch about it, I like Facebook a lot.  I get to see what’s going on in the world, with my friends and it’s a great place to host groups for all my classes.  I love the internet in general and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

What’s your definition of an ideal houseguest?

We meet for breakfast, they go their way, I go mine, maybe dinner and a drink and then back home to separate quarters.  I’m such a monk!

If you had an extra $100 to spend on yourself every week, what would you do?

Massages, baybeeee! I loves me some!

If you could sit down with your 15-year old self, what would you tell him or her?

Be nice to Tina C.  She just wanted to be liked, as you did.  Why be mean? You’ll regret this for a long time.

 What are you BORED of?

ME.  Inside my head. Whining about the same old shit.  I want something new to whine about!

(Who’s playing along? Gal, these are some good questions!!)

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